Earth's last hope
Greetings one and all.
I've been getting mildly annoyed by these multiplayer inspired stories. Whilst they're reasonably well written, people spoil it by adding poorly designed characters that all share common traits and only slightly differ from canon, I thought I'd spoof it, so here you go…
Spectre Daniel Jones was standing on the QEC of his ship, the SSV Bosworth. It was a sleek and futuristic ship that despite its small size, had the power to destroy an entire planet due to the stupid amount of weaponry. It looked like a space hedgehog worth the sheer amount of mass accelerators bristling from its hull.
"What do you need me to do Admiral?" Jones said.
"I need you to go round the galaxy, recruiting badly written OC's and blowing things up for no reason. I've forwarded dossiers suspiciously similar to those Mass Effect 2 with a few minor alterations to your Omni-Tool." Admiral Hackett said in his gruff, deadpan manner.
"Admiral, did you honestly just say that?" Jones replied to Admiral Hackett's flickering model.
"Due to a poorly written attempt by Bioware to link a multiplayer mode to the campaign *Looks at Bioware's chief writer* yes, I did." Hackett said as he crossed his arms.
"Then you have my deepest sympathy. How many romance options are the?" Jones said whilst he poorly disguised playing a game on his Omni-Tool. Hackett sighed before disconnecting. Jones smiled before walking back towards the CIC. He checked the Fornax web feed on his private terminal and drooled over an Asari for a bit before shutting his terminal and walking over to the elevator. A drinking game with one of the crew had knocked him out and he was tired.
"Wait Sir!" Said his Yeoman.
"You can't go to sleep, there are approximately 4583 reports that need filing to the council and you need to complete the annoyingly simple crew side quests!" She continued.
"Fuck the side quests! I need to watch some Quarian porn." He retaliated angrily, winning himself +2 Renegade points in the process. Instantly, yellow markings glowed across his face.
"Stupid reputation meter." He cursed before using a Renegade interrupt to slam the elevator door on his Yeoman's fingers, cutting them off and ruining his N7 jacket. The elevator hummed as he reached the top floor, his Omni-Tool beeping wildly.
Wanted: Badly designed OC's to join the fight against Evil and to tie up loose plot holes. You need to submit…
Name: (Stupid preferably)
Species: (Yahg need not apply)
Bio: (Defy Canon)
Why they deserve to be in the story: (Make it up – Most people do)
May the power of the OR4NGEZ be with you…