Don't Want to Resist You
By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles
Chapter 7: Life's Confessions
Later that night…
Casey was playing with her food when her phone beeped and began flashing to show she had a message. Flipping it open, it showed Alex's name – "What are you up to?"
She sighed. – "Trying to get food into my system, but I'm really not too hungry. Guess I'm upset about earlier."
There seemed to be a long wait before the next message appeared. - "Look out your window."
Intrigued, she stood and looked down.
A few seconds later, the courier from her favorite take out place appeared, waving up at her window, holding up a bag and a piece of paper.
She grabbed her phone as she made her way downstairs. – "What did you do?"
She received no reply.
The guy at the door handed her the bag and gave a smile, waving away her tip. "The lady on the phone was really nice. It's my night off, but I went downtown to get this for you, so I hope you're not expecting it to be from Luigi's. Enjoy. Oh, and there's this." He held out the letter he'd waved earlier before smiling at her.
She nodded. "Thank you."
And he took off.
Smiling, she made her way back upstairs and to the couch before reading the letter.
"I hope you like cake. I always get cake from this place after a hard day at work. I've just realized I don't really know what you do after a tough day, so I guess it's something we should talk about. Now, I figure I owe you an explanation for today. I don't tend to do much outside of work, as you know, so in the past I've only really dated people from work, people like you who have never thought they'd be into women, or people who thought they could be with me to advance their career...but everyone, always, realized that it would be too difficult. You can't talk about it, you can't show anyone, you can't chat to people about the amazingly romantic weekend you had as they tell you about theirs. It's tough. And I just panicked that that would happen between us. You can say all you like that it won't, everyone has before, but it always has. With you, I feel so much, I don't know if I could handle that. For a while, I was scared, I thought, it's better to back off. But I can't. I want to be with you. And I think even if it doesn't work out, the time we have together will be so worth it."
Smiling, she picked up her phone and held down a number. It rang 5 times before she answered. "Don't talk, okay? Just, just listen for a bit. I don't want anyone else. I realize you're scared. I mean, I am too, but Alex, new things are like that, but they are worth it. I want to be with you, no matter what. I'd give anything to see you right now. I'd hold you close, breathe in your perfume and give you a long, lingering kiss to tell you I'll always want you. I don't care who else likes me. It's you I care about." She took a breath. "Okay, I'm done. Thanks, by the way."
Alex shut her eyes as she listened, a tear falling as she recognized the words, as they matched almost exactly what someone else had once said to her. "I hope you like strawberries."
She smiled. "Strawberries?"
"The cake." Alex wiped the tear away.
"Oh," she said opening it to reveal a cheesecake topped with strawberries dipped in chocolate. "You don't expect me to eat it all myself, do you?" she answered. "Alex? Alex, are you okay? What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I should...just get back to work. I really hope you enjoy it. And I'm sorry if I upset you."
"You? No, I just thought...never mind. Hey, Alex?"
"Don't cry gorgeous. It'll ruin your make-up," she said with a smile. "I...could bring you a piece if you want a little later? Or...now."
Alex smiled through her tears and gave up trying to blot them. "That would be nice."
"Now?" Alex asked softly.
"On my way. See you soon, okay?"
Alex nodded, then said quietly, "Ok."
Casey grabbed the box after throwing on her jacket and headed down the stairs. "You don't need to worry about me. The others...they weren't half as crazy as I am over you." And she hung up, stuffing it into her pocket as she made her way out and over to the building.
Alex looked at the work spread out in front of her before rising to her feet and moving to the bathroom to wash her face.
Casey sighed, making her way into Alex's apartment building. She walked over and stepped into the lift. Three minutes later, she was outside her door knocking.
A moment later, Alex pulled open the door. Dressed in pajama pants and a singlet top, with her hair tied back and no makeup on, it was the least dressed up Casey had ever seen her.
Casey smiled, blushing a bit. "Evening."
Alex stepped aside to let her in. "Hi."
Casey set cake on the coffee table then she turned around and walked over as Alex closed and locked the door. "Nice place," she commented as she leaned over to kiss her cheek. "And you look absolutely stunning, by the way. Though I doubt anyone but me would recognize you if you went into work li—"
Alex wrapped her arms around her and rested her head on her shoulder.
"You smell good. Did you just shower?"
She stayed silent, just thankful to have Casey in her arms.
Casey hugged her tight. "I won't ever leave you unless you tell me to, okay? Alex? On the way over, I thought a lot about what you wrote and um..."
Alex finally moved away a little and brushed the fresh tears from her face, drawing in a breath before setting her face to her no-nonsense court face, then looked at Casey.
Casey brushed another tear away. "That's not what I'm going to say. None of it," she said, hugging her tightly before pulling back to look her in the eyes. "I was going to say I'm crazy about you and...uh. I-I..." she cleared her throat then leaned into her shoulder. "Alex, I love you," she whispered, so softly it sounded like only a breath of air.
Alex shut her eyes tightly. "You don't...have to say it to make me feel better."
She pulled away, hurt a bit. "But I'm not." She ran a hand along her face. "Lex, look at me. I know you believe me. I can feel you shaking. Oh Lex!" She wrapped her arms around her tightly. "I love you. I do. I don't care how soon it is. There's nothing that's going to stop me from loving you," she said, kissing her cheek. "Just let me prove it. I didn't know I could love anyone like I love you."
"I think...offering to share some of that cake is pretty loving. It is really good." Alex offered a shaking smile.
"Well, you are the one who got it for me," she said, kissing the corner of her mouth, "I figured it was fair."
Alex swallowed and then attempted to tell Casey how she felt. "Casey, I...I-"
Casey looked up. "What is it? Take your time. I have all night," she said, rubbing her back.
Alex shut her eyes, hoping it might be easier without those green orbs watching her. "I...I'm terrified of...feeling this way when I think about it. But I love you too."
"Think about what? Are you scared? Alex, talk to me. Come on," she said, leading her to the couch.
"How about we just eat some cake and stop talking? We have...forever to talk."
She nodded. "All right. We'll need plate and silverware, unless...Nah, that's too soon. I-I can't suggest that. Since this is your place, would you care to grab those things?"
Alex got the plates and forks then sat down on an armchair as Casey sat on the couch. Handing her a plate, she served the cake.
Casey smiled, taking a bite. "Mmmm, God this is good! Maybe I should've had it all to myself."
Alex stretched out a long leg and moved the rest of the cake towards herself as she attempted to distract Casey by pointing out a painting on the wall.
"You have the longest legs I think I've ever seen," she said, pulling the box back toward her as she pulled another piece onto her plate.
Alex reached out and pulled the box away once more. "I don't think you should have anymore. It's very filling. I think I should do you a favor and finish it."
She smiled. "In that case, you shouldn't either."
"It doesn't last well though, so it's best to finish it." Alex pulled a large piece from the box and took a huge bite from it.
Casey started laughing.
Alex looked at her, after swallowing a big bite. "What?"
She steadied her voice. "Y-you've got a bit on your nose!" she answered unable to contain it any longer.
She wiped some of it off, liking her finger. "Did I get it?"
She grinned. "Kinda," she set hers on the coffee table and walked over, wiping the rest off and licking her finger. "There. Now it's gone."
Alex reached out and wiped some on Casey's nose. "Oops."
She dropped to her knees. "What's 'oops'?" she asked playfully.
Alex lent forward and licked the cream from Casey's nose.
Casey smiled, moaning and leaning toward her. She swiped her finger across the cheesecake and wiped it on her cheek, kissing and licking it off. "Mmm, tastes even better on you."
"I bet it doesn't." Alex wiped some across Casey's lips, biting her own as she did so, before leaning forwards to kiss it off.
Casey lent backwards, taking the desert from her and setting it on the floor before climbing up to sit in her lap and kissing her. "Yes, it does," she whispered, kissing her softly, enjoying the feel of Alex's tongue brushing across her lips making her shiver. She wrapped her arms around her, kissing her more deeply, but feeling Alex was slightly hesitant, she backed away, stroking her cheek where she'd just kissed. "What else is on your mind?"
Alex studied Casey's face a moment before turning her head to kiss her hand. "Remember what you called me the other day?"
She thought a moment. "Lex?"
Alex hungrily captured her lips again.
Casey brought her closer, loving the feel of her skin on hers. She pulled back. "Wait." She unzipped her jacket and tossed it to the floor, revealing only a red tank top. She smiled, seeing Alex's jaw drop. "What?"
Without replying, she lowered her head to drop kisses to every piece of exposed skin.
Casey moaned, laying her head on her shoulder. "Lex," she gasped at every spot she kissed. "...F-feels so good..."
Alex lifted her head to capture her lips for a moment before sitting back, her hand caressing Casey's back.
Casey sighed, eyes rolling closed. "You-you're something else...Lex. Very soft, caring," she rubbed her cheek, "loveable, smart and oh so sexy. I-I just don't think I'll ever have my fill of you," she said, leaning forward to kiss her hard on the lips, hands rubbing her bare shoulders from the back.
Alex moved her head back slightly. "You said you wanted to wait, so we should, ah…probably...stop."
She nodded, sighing. "Yeah, probably. But can we just sit here? I just...I need to be here. With you."
Alex nodded, resting her head on Casey's shoulder and holding her close.
"Hey, Alex? What's the longest relationship you've ever had? I'm curious."
Alex was silent for a while, then offered, "Five years."
"Five huh? What happened? I mean, obviously something thing for them to lose such a beautiful woman." She felt her tense up, then offered, "Because I never want to lose you."
She lifted her head and kissed her sweetly before resuming her spot. "I'm sorry to hear that. He must've been quite a man if he got your attention." She was silent for a few minutes before asking, "Engaged?"
"I was cheating on him with his sister. He found out, he drove off, crashed, died. I'd rather not talk about it further."
Casey hugged her tighter, kissing her neck gently. "Okay. So do you want to hear a little about me?"
"I would love to." Alex nuzzled her neck.
She cleared her throat. "My longest relationship was in law school. He had...problems. Severe medical problems. I came home late, he accused me of cheating and we-we came to blows..."
Alex slid a hand under her top, stroking her back with her fingers gently. "I'm sorry."
She nodded. "I went to class the next day with a black eye and a busted lip..." She was quiet for a bit before continuing. "In a way, I've always blamed myself for his death, although, I know it's not my fault..."
"I think it shows what a nice person you are. If you didn't care and felt no guilt, you wouldn't be half as nice as you are."
She sighed. "Yeah, but after the incident - which his stopping the taking of his medication caused - I, cruelly, taped the engagement ring to the inside of a restraining order. A few months later, there was a body by the side of the road with my card in his pocket..."
"If we had a case where this happened, what would you say to the guy's ex-girlfriend?"
"Why does it matter, Alex?"
"What would you say? Humor me."
"If we had a case like this…would you tell the girl it was all her fault, or tell her she should feel guilty?"
She shook her head. "Of course not, but..."
"Then, feeling guilty makes you human, and a nice person, but its unnecessary, and you shouldn't keep blaming yourself."
"Even if I was the only person who accepted him? Alex, even his own family disowned him! He trusted me and, in the end..."
"In the end, you did what you had to do. You can't live your life for other people."
"Even you?" she asked.
"What if I can't help it? What if you give me a reason to get up in the morning, or when I just can't keep going? I think of you and you just make everything better."
Alex gazed at her for a moment before moving forward to rub her nose against Casey's before kissing her gently.
Casey leaned into her. "Do you miss him? At all?"
"It's just how life works I guess. You remember some people better than others for a reason."
"I hope I never need to just remember you."
Casey smiled. "As long as I live and breathe freely you won't. I promise." She yawned, stretched, then readjusted herself. "You're so warm and I hate to move. I want to go slow, but," she ran her hand from Alex's shoulder all the way down her fingertips and back up, "right now, I just want to cuddle up next to you in bed and dream of us and all we have."
Alex kissed the top of her ear and they sat in silence for a short while before she moved a little. "Come on. And don't laugh at my bed covers."
Author's Note: What do you think? I hope this has answered some questions. A lot of you asked why Alex Hadn't stood up to Mark. I kind of thought it would be obvious... Their careers.
But seriously guys, 90 reviews? We feel so lucky to have this story get such superb feedback! You're all so great and generous! I wish I could thank every one of you personally!
This story is far from over, so please keep it up!
Beta'd by: me
Many review thanks to: Wigler, iTrick, Stussy, Tripperz, Butterscotch, Nobot4life, Surfrider, Mackster, Cavak, steple, LOCISVU, Lexie, Blitz1030, Tracer & Madds21
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Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles