Sorry I took so long! I saw Avengers, it was AMAZING. Loki was AMAZING. In 3D, it was too much! Seriously guys, go see it!
Anyway, this sees Loki regret his actions. I would like to make it clear- LOKI DID NOT RAPE HER! HE DIDN'T AND HE WILL NOT! I don't want to think of Loki as a rapist. -.-
So anyway, hope you enjoy!
Song that inspired this chapter- Nothing! I have nothing this time, I wrote it with Game of Thrones on in the background. .
Dance with the Devil chapter 4- Regretting
My dreams were of Loki that night I blacked out. I was aware something was happening to me but I refused to surface- my dreams were of Loki's genuine smile- the smile of a beautiful morn, of a time when he was accepted. When society did not elect to hurt him. The dream stretched for what seemed like forever- yet when I woke I knew I wanted more sleep. I looked around me- I was in Loki's chambers- on his dark satin bed sheets. I noticed his absence- where he went I was clueless. With shaking fingers, I pulled the satin sheets from my body. There were (of what I could see) bruises blooming on my stomach, my arms and my legs. My heart was pounding like a thousand racing horses, and I stood up to face one of Loki's walls. I used a spell to turn the wall into a mirror, and studied my naked figure. There were faint bruises on my neck, not in a way that implied strangulation, just dominance. I could tell from the way I felt physically and mentally that my knees were as far as Loki went- he had not violated me- either he stopped himself or he had no intention- but the carnal look in his eyes before I passed out suggested otherwise. I summoned a blue silk dress from my wardrobe and dressed myself- I washed myself using a spell. Under normal circumstances I would have washed myself using a bath, but I was in a rush and I had to see Loki and make sure he was okay.
My mind battled itself. Half of me was demanding an explanation as to why I cared if he was okay or not. After all, he had abused me. But the other half was trying to explain. Society bullied him and looked down on him, and sometimes he needed something to calm him down. In retaliation my mind wondered why I had to be the post for his abuse and stress. I owned no dresses that had sleeves, yet I knew if I wanted to carry on a relationship with Loki I had better not let him see the damage he caused me. So using a new spell I had no idea would be important, I conjured sleeves that complimented the dress. I jogged to the living area, and encountered Sif. My blood boiled slightly at her, lounging on a sofa like a queen.
"Where's Loki?" I asked, leaving no trace of politeness in my voice. Slightly taken aback, Sif stood up to talk to me.
"He's in the dining hall," she said, her eyes flitting nervously. "I wanted to apologise to him- Thor admitted to stealing my sword only two hours after my argument with Loki." My eyes narrowed, yet I had no energy left to hold it against her. With a sigh, I dropped my reserves and spoke freely.
"I'll apologise on your behalf, dearest Sif." I said. I walked out of the room, and once I knew I was out of her sight I ran to the dining hall. I pulled back a loose strand of my hair and opened the doors.
Rage, love and resentment burned through my mind that night. I hit her several times, grabbed at her. I didn't violate her- the thought of that made me sick for months and even years after. I sobbed quietly when I came to. Out of my sickly trance, I saw Astrid lying on the bed, pale with purple blemishes beginning to rise to the surface of her skin. I pulled the satin round her and whispered in her ear.
"I am so sorry, love of my life. Whatever came over me…? I'm so sorry, my love." I trailed my finger over her face, and she smiled. Through all the pain and evil I inflicted upon her, she still smiled at my touch. With a sob worthy of a child, I ran out of the room into the night air.
I slept in a meadow that I spent all my time in as a child. I learned and perfected my first spell there. It was a secluded part of the palace, with trees that had long entwined leaves that draped over to form a shield. There were flowers of many colours (however mostly green and gold) that bloomed in whatever season, whatever weather. This feature was bestowed upon the flowers by my first ever spell. The meadow was my pride and joy, which I'd spent countless years protecting and treasuring. It was my comfort, a child of my own. As I was alone, I felt at ease to speak aloud.
"If Astrid ever forgives me, than I shall take her here many times. This shall be our haven." I murmured, stroking one of the willow drapes. I slept amongst the soft grass, and when I awoke I freshened up using spells and made my way straight to the dining hall. Half an hour later, my parents, Thor, Sif and the Warriors Three entered the dining hall. Thor was laughing, yet Sif did not join in. She looked distraught, and then she saw me. Our eyes locked. Her hands began to shake, she whispered to Thor and stumbled out of the room. Confused but not bothered, Thor resumed his seat next to me. I did not speak, and Thor was wise to take heed of my silence. I drank a bit of the water provided, but I didn't eat. I couldn't stomach it; after all I had done last night. Using a psychic wave, I listened to what Astrid was doing.
She had woken, dressed and had made her way to the living area. Soon after, I saw the doors open to reveal her, worried but not upset, anxious but not angry, nervous but not hurt. Her eyes immediately found me, and with a small smile she strode up to me.
"Loki, may we talk outside?" She asked, in a cheery voice. Slightly taken aback by her pleasant attitude, I followed her warily to the palace gardens. We sat beside a silver glittering lake. Silence lingered in the air. She took a deep breath and spoke.
"Loki, I know what you did to me." She began. I went to interrupt to apologise, but she held up a hand as a demand for me to stop.
"I want you to know that I am in no pain, and that I am sorry you had an argument with Sif. I also want you to know that I forgive you and wish to stay in a relationship with you. I love you Loki, no matter what you are under the skin." She concluded. I stepped forward hesitantly, closing the space between us, as a test to see if she feared me. She didn't flinch, step back or move her gaze from my face. I took her head gingerly with my hands and kissed her. She did not hold back- the kiss was of desire and passion.
"I am so sorry, whether you forgive me or not, I will never forgive myself." I whispered. She chortled and pulled my face back to mine.
I would not forget. I loved Loki so much my heart felt like it would explode, however my mind would forever know that Loki was dark on the inside.