She stared at the mirror, just listening to the beats of the music. She did this often, when she was alone. Helen liked music, of all kinds. Her favorite song this week was titled 'Breathe Me' by Sia. She had found the song while listening to Pandora radio. Now she sat with her IPod plugged in and the song on repeat.
The song suited her. Helen Magnus was falling, and had indeed lost herself. Over the last three years she had lost her longest friend and lover, James. She had lost her daughter, her baby girl. But most of all she had lost herself, all the little things eating away at her. Helen looked at herself in the mirror, really taking in the details. She didn't look much different, her hair was longer, the blonde roots showing. She needed to redo her hair soon, before it was really noticeable. Or maybe she would go back to blonde, a color change in order again.
It didn't really matter though. Her face didn't change, gaining weight was impossible unless she was pregnant. She could tone her muscles even more, but it wouldn't show. Two and a half centuries and perhaps her personality had changed with the times, and she had had a child. Stretch marks hadn't lasted more than sixteen years for her. Most women would have been glad that they were gone. Helen strived for some change in her appearance. Every scar she had would fade, most completely gone in twenty years. Barely a blip in her elongated lifetime.
Those were physical scars. Emotional ones, she wasn't sure that they really ever healed completely. The last week had been hell. Will's girlfriend had been taken over by a life form trying to assert itself into the world. No one had slept. And Helen, at her wits end, could only think of one thing to save Abby. Will had rebelled. Gavin, the idiot, had stunned Henry, who was still in the infirmary and hadn't woken up. Helen just sat in her room, on the floor, wrapped in her fluffy purple towel.
While ultimately she had saved Abby, who had hugged her and thanked her, but Helen couldn't help but feel hurt at what Will had said to her. She did like new life forms, but not at the cost of another. Helen hadn't anticipated the major seizures, or that she wouldn't have been able to make a clean incision that would have prevented the jagged scar that poor Abby would have for the rest of her normal life span. Helen wondered if she really was a monster.
Hot tears started flowing down her face as she climbed to her feet. She discarded the towel and crawled onto the bed. Will had accused her of not trying to save her own daughter. That had hurt more than anything, but she had brushed it off as stress on his part.
"Helen, Henry's awake." Her walkie crackled. Helen wiped her eyes and replied that she would be there in a few minutes. She dressed and made her way to the infirmary, to see her son.
Helen entered the infirmary and smiled, Henry was on his tablet, playing a game. He was always attached to technology. "How are you feeling?" she asked as she sat down on the edge of his bed and checked his vitals.
"I feel okay, like I've been stunned by a taser, but good otherwise." He smiled, lightening the mood. "How are you? You look like you showered, but did you sleep at all?" he asked, worry seeping into his voice and face as he took in her features.
"Mom, go sleep. I'll be fine." He interrupted her. Helen was stunned; he hadn't called her mom since he was thirteen. Henry fixed her with a pointed look and pointed to the door. "Go. Sleep. Now"
Helen sighed and nodded, before leaning over and kissing his forehead before standing and leaving. She made it back to her room just in time to see Will coming out of Abby's room. She closed the door silently and undressed before getting into be again. The song still looped and Helen closed her eyes and let the music lull her to sleep finally.
She started awake heavily breathing. Will was staring at her with wide eyes as she sat up, the powder blue sheet tucked under her arms. "Magnus, you okay?" Will asked her. Helen was fuming. He didn't have the right to walk into her bed chamber.
"Get out." She said with deadly calm. "Don't you dare say anything, just get out." Will raised his eyebrows but didn't say anything; he just got up and walked to the door.
"It may not mean anything to you, but I am sorry for what I said." He said dejectedly. Will had been overly mean in saying some of the things he had whilst Helen had been trying to save Abby. Helen looked at him.
"Are you? I don't recall a more sincere look in your eyes than when you made that comment. It is true; I couldn't save my own flesh and blood, my baby. But I did try, and I have to hold on to that every day. I have to remind myself that there are other reasons to life than just for her." Helen said looking at a picture on her bedside table. It was taken the day Ashley had been born. Helen was lying in the bed with her hair pulled back smiling and holding a swaddled baby proudly. Will noticed this and decided to walk back to sit on the edge of the bed.
"She was a beautiful baby." Will stated looking at the picture. Helen nodded and smiled.
"I spent nearly thirty hours in labor with her. She was stubborn even then. She never slept when I needed to, and always up for using my bladder as a trampoline, or making kidney shots with her feet and fists." Helen smiled lightly.
Will laughed. "I bet you were glowing when you were pregnant." Will looked at her and laughed for the first time in a while.
"I have pictures if you want to see them?" she asked. Helen had no idea how they had gone from fighting to being best friends again but they had. Will nodded.
"I'd like that."