it should be said there are advantages to being a vampire. one is being able to turn your feelings off. this obviously came in handy when there was pain present, or when there was fear, even fear of pain. fear of love. it made things easier. falling for the perfect angel when you felt nothing at all was easy. but sometimes the brush makes better decisions than the creature who yields it. the jawline is wrong. the hair is shorter. the nose is wrong. the eyes are softer and the eyebrows thicker. this one was a challenge. it was still perfect but it was a different kind of perfect.
when you love, sometimes you get hurt. sometimes love hurts you because it isn t there, especially at times when it should. a family of vampires who were one too many centuries old. and he loved them, through all their troubles and battles. his sister rebekah who had remained by his side, and his brother Elijah who always kept fighting. those two were the ones he loved the most. and this vampire was an artist; believing in love was a part of him. despite the strong sense of doubt about whether the love he felt for his family was returned. ah! but he was still a vampire. feeling unwanted was something he could choose to reject. pain was a choice. and he decided not to welcome it, by turning everything off. this was better, easier.
but this vampire loved a challenge. and when he stopped thinking and let the his hand do what the brush commanded, it wasn t that family love that he felt. it was a different kind. friendship maybe. an old friend. and as his face appeared before him, he wondered why his friend didn t understand how much easier it was when everything was turned off. no guilt, no pain, no hate, maybe no love either.
but yet he still wondered why it couldn t be like it was years before he had to face the rejection from his family. the way they made him feel like a monster. he wasn t a monster. he was merely a fearless soldier. a survivor. sometimes soldiers survive by running away. he just wanted to leave everything behind and run away with his friend. but he had to let that want go. His preferred Salvatore brother would not let himself be persuaded. if only he understood klaus just wanted to save him from pain, hurt, and rejection.