Dragon Rising

"Farengar!" Irileth burst in, brandishing her weapon. "The Jarl needs to see you immediately." She turned to Frankie Boyle. "You come too. We've tried to kill you twice already, maybe a dragon'll get you for good."
"You mean slug."
"I hate everything about my life. Let's go." They ascended the stairs to the door just outside the Jarl's quarters, where Balgruuf was addressing one of the oranges. "Tell me what you told Irileth." Frankie Boyle zoned out at this point, having a very fantastical fantasy about all of the people in the room being dressed as fruit. Irileth would be a blueberry. Balgruuf would be a mango, and Frankie Boyle would be... "AVOCADO!" Three heads turned to her.
"What."
"Nothing. Let's go kill a dragon." No one objected, and Frankie Boyle followed Irileth out of the castle, and towards the city walls, where the rest of the city orange was anxiously waiting outside the barracks. "You! You stupid little cowards! You scared of a dragon? Good! Because I feed off of your fear – uh, I mean, we must drive this beast away from our home! Are you with me! If you say no, I'll snap you all in half with my forehead!" The guards all nodded in a forced agreement, and Irileth smiled. "Good. Now, off we go. Oh, and this is the moron we aren't allowed to kill," she gestured to Frankie Boyle, "Let the dragon get her first."
"Aye!" The oranges were much more enthusiastic this time, raising their shields. The group marched to the nearby watch tower, engulfed in ominous black smoke. Frankie Boyle could barely hear a voice yelling from within, and followed it until she reached an orange babbling nonsense about his friend being taken, and how they had to leave at once. "Kynareth save us!" he yelled out suddenly, "Here he comes again!" His cry was drowned out by the terrifying screech of a slug, not quite as fabulously dressed as the one Frankie Boyle had met at Helgen, but still wearing an array of sparkly bracelets and a blonde wig. Spouting fire from its mouth, the slug landed on the grass and began to promptly file its nails. Frankie Boyle saw this as her chance, and threw herself onto the slug's head, slamming her warhammer into its head again, again, until she was sure it was dead, with a strange cry of "Dovahkiin! No!" escaping its throat. Astonished, Irileth and the oranges stood agape, and Irileth could be heard telling them to move back as the slug began to disintegrate with the same strange light Frankie Boyle had encountered in Bleak Falls Barrow. The light filled her very soul, powerful magic coursing through her veins. When it was over, she turned around to ensure that everyone else had noticed the fact that she'd just absorbed a dragon. Just in case they weren't looking or something. They were, thankfully, as an orange excitedly ran up to her and said, "I can't believe it! You're Dragonborn!" Irileth's mouth fell open.
"Oh, God..."