Hey, That's My Body
Disclaimer: CBS owns Criminal Minds, not me.
Summary: Hotch and Emily wake up to a weird surprise...
A/N: Well this one was a weird crackfic from earlier that needed some re-tweaking and belongs with the other crackfics. Enjoy.
Thanks for reading, don't forget to leave a reviews
Thomas Jefferson said, "If the body be feeble, the mind will not be strong."
Hotch sat up, stretching his arms over his head. He willed his eyes to open but they wouldn't open.
He felt his body ache in a way that told him, that he was beyond sore. He was down right in pain, he felt his head pounding in a different way then what he was use to.
Groaning, he paused tilting his head to the side when he heard her voice.
Opening his eyes, he looked around and realized he wasn't in his office anymore. Nope, he was in the break room, and he didn't know how the hell he got there.
Looking down, he realized the source of his neck pain was because he had fell asleep at the table.
Frowning when he looked down, he could see that he had a mountain of case files in front of him. He winced at the thought of all that paper work awaiting him.
But on closer inspection he realized that they weren't his, they were Emily's.
Shaking his head, he looked around for Emily, and seen his office light was off. Bending over to pick up the papers, he dropped the files when he noticed how different his hands were.
Wandering over to the small mirror, he gasped at the reflection looking back at him. Emily's reflection.
"What the hell?" Hotch said only in Emily's voice.
Looking down, he wondered how the hell his mind was in Emily's body.
Hotch heard a loud crash coming from his office and he raced out the break room, up the catwalk wincing all the way from the high heeled boots that were hurting the feet that seemed to be his for now.
Opening up his office door, he was shocked when he seen himself standing in the middle of his office, looking around shocked.
Hotch cleared his throat, only it sounded like Emily, while his body did a full one-eighty and spun around.
"What the hell?" the Hotch body said rubbing the dark hair, "Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap."
"Calm down" Hotch said in Emily's tone, causing the Hotch body to tumble back on to the couch.
"Hotch?" Emily's voice said staring at the person in front of her, the eyes narrowed and it unnerved Hotch to see himself looking at... well himself.
"Prentiss?" Hotch said in Emily's tone.
"Please don't call me that" Emily replied, rubbing Hotch's forehead, "It really creeps me out hearing you call me by my own name in my own tone of voice."
Hotch sighed and sat down in the visitor's chair, "God, what the hell happened?"
"You're asking me?" Emily said looking up at her own body, "God I'm getting a headache."
"Tell me about." Hotch replied, the snorted, "Guess the quips come with the body swap."
Emily looked up at Hotch, and she hated the fact that her own body was smirking at her.
Glaring at the man currently occupying her body she seen him flinch.
"I really glare like that?" Hotch asked, shuddering, "Wow."
Emily rolled her eyes, "Not so fun to be on the other side of the glare is it?"
Sighing, "Well how the hell do we go back to being us? Get our own bodies?"
A knock on the door pulled the miss matched pair out of their crisis.
"Come in" Hotch said, wincing as he realized, that was Emily's voice inviting in someone.
The door slowly opened, Reid popped his head in looking in Emily's direction.
"I hope I'm not interrupting, sir." Reid said holding up a case file as he walked over to Emily.
"Not at all Reid." Emily replied, seeing Reid visibly relax before smiling at Hotch.
"Hey" Reid said, his tone warm.
"Reid." Hotch replied, looking over at Emily who gave him a look than mouth, 'be friendly'.
"How are you?" Hotch said, smiling at Reid.
"Good" Reid replied waiting for Emily as Hotch sign off on the file and return it to Reid.
"Here you go Reid." Emily replied handing back the file.
"Thanks, Hotch." Reid said taking the file.
"Oh, Reid?" Emily said, "What do you know about body swaps?"
"Body swaps?" Reid asked scrunching his face, "Well often in movies or television shows, when two entities switch places it's usually the mind or spirit. Incidentally enough, there may be three key pieces to a swap, one is a heartfelt wish, another could be an amulet or some magic device. The last one could be quirk in the universe, something that through the world off it's axis..."
Emily was rubbing her temples while Hotch looked at Reid stunned, trying to absorb the information.
"And I'm rambling again, aren't I?" Reid said looking at Emily, "Sorry, sir."
"No, no. Its fine, Reid" Emily said, "Please, how do you undo a body swap?"
"Undo a body swap?" Reid repeated "Well there are a few switchback theories. One is to have an amulet or another is to have the wished reversed."
Emily looked over at Hotch, "Is that all?"
Reid frowned, "Well there was one theory is if both parties complete an impossible task..."
Emily sighed closing her eyes, "Thanks Reid.'
Reid nodded, and looked from Emily to Hotch raising an eyebrow then left.
Emily looked over at Hotch, "We need to find away to get back to our own bodies, because this just can't go on."
Hotch sighed "Well first things first, you're going to have to come stay at my place."
"What?" Emily asked, looking at him in horror, "Are you high?"
Hotch rolled his eyes, "Well you're in my body, and I want to stay with my son. So you're going home with me. We're going to have to stick together until this thing changes..."
"Changes?" Emily gasped looking at him, "How the hell are we going to change our own clothes? Shower? Shit."
Hotch closed his eyes, "We'll have to treat this as a case..."
"A case?" Emily said rolling her eyes, "Hotch this isn't a case, this is our lives."
Hotch groaned, "We'll just have to deal with it, Emily. I'm going to have to prep you to talk Strauss to put us on standby."
"Ok" Emily said, "And what about the team? You're going to have to work in the bullpen."
Hotch sighed, "Yeah, we'll take that one minute at a time, but they can't know about this."
"I know, I know." Emily said, "They'd fit us for straight jackets. Hell I'm ready to commit us."
Emily walked out of the office, heading for the break room when Garcia rushed down, "Hey bossman."
"P.." Emily started to say her nickname, "Garcia."
Garcia shrugged it off and rushed up to Emily's desk plopping herself on the edge, "Gumdrop, we've got to talk."
Hotch raised an eyebrow at that, but remembered he had to play the part of Emily Prentiss. He could do that, after all he joined the drama club to impress a girl.
"PG" Hotch said, the word sounding foreign to him.
"You ok, sweets?" Garcia asked running her hand over Emily's face, "You don't seem sick. Are you pregnant?"
"What?" Hotch said loudly causing the blonde to freeze up, "No, no, no. God no."
Hotch took a deep breath while Reid looked over at the two and shrugged.
"Sorry." Garcia whispered, "I didn't mean to imply."
"What's going on?" Emily asked stopping by the desk.
"Oh nothing, sir." Garcia said, "I've got a case for us to look over in twenty."
"Ok" Emily said, then looked down at Hotch, "Prentiss..." Emily winced saying her name like that, "May I speak with you?"
"Yes sir" Hotch replied getting up seeing a sympathetic look from Garcia.
Hotch followed Emily out of the bullpen, and Emily turned around, "All right lets go see Strauss, I want to get this over with."
The mismatched duo walked out of Strauss' office, in comparable silence. Only when Emily sighed did Hotch turn around to look at her.
"What?" Hotch asked stopping her by the elevator, "What is it?"
"I just wish this could be over." Emily told him quietly, "I really hate to have to say this..."
Hotch frowned, wondering what was wrong with her.
"Emily..." Hotch said quietly, "What is it?"
Emily leaned in whispering, "I have to go to the bathroom."
Hotch chuckled, seeing her give him a look. "Sorry, but I can only advise you, I physically can't do anything about that."
Emily grabbed his arm, he frowned at her aggressive behavior, puling him into the men's bathroom with her.
"Why did you drag me in here?" Hotch asked seeing her tense at being in the men's room.
"Well if we're going to be stuck like this, you're going to give me advice on being a guy and I'm going to have to educate you on being a woman."
Hotch rolled his eyes, "I hardly think I need advice on being a woman. It's not that difficult."
"Really? Have you ever had to put on a bra or had a period?" Emily asked.
Hotch's face fell at that, "What?"
"God if men had to handle being women, having a period..." Emily trailed off as she walked into the stall.
Closing the door behind her, Hotch turned around and took in her appearance in the mirror tilting Emily's head to the side as he looked at her reflection.
He looked down at her chest. He knew it wasn't right to touch but since it was technically his body he might as well get something out of it.
"Don't grope my breasts" Emily said from the stall startling Hotch, who dropped his hands from her chest.
"What?" Hotch asked trying to control his heart rate.
"You're a guy" Emily told him, "And you've got free range of my body..."
Hotch rolled the dark eyes, "You're the one probably having a field day in there."
"Oh please" Emily said flushing the toilet, "The only thing impressive about this whole situation is... well you've got no complaints in that department."
Hotch tried not to blush at that as he turned the water on for Emily as she walked over to wash Hotch's hands.
Morgan walked in, pausing when he seen Hotch and Emily in the bathroom, both looking shocked and guilty.
"Morgan" Emily said, trying to put on Hotch's aloof tone.
"We've uh..." Morgan said grinning at Emily, "A case file to go over. Garcia's all set up."
"Thank you" Emily told him.
Morgan chuckled as he closed the door, Emily turned to Hotch, "Lets just get this day over with and try and figure out how the hell to switch back."
Emily and Hotch walked back into the BAU and into the conference room. They knew by the sound of silence once they walked in that Morgan blabbed about the 'bathroom incident'.
"Anything new to report, Aaron?" Dave asked Emily.
Hotch shot Dave a glare that made sit up in fear, Emily may always be short with Dave with her little quips but the glare, that was all Hotch.
"Go on, Garcia" Emily said picking up the tablet in front of her and trying to focus on the case.
She tried to be like Hotch but she had trouble focusing, only when Hotch kicked her did she realize everyone was staring at her. She looked over at Hotch who tossed her a note on her tablet.
Reid shot Dave and Morgan a concerned look, while Emily opened up the note reading what Hotch wrote.
"All right, send the case file over to the B team, Strauss wants us on standby. Give them the preliminary profile and get back to your case files."
Emily got up grabbing her papers, and winced she couldn't leave first after all she was suppose to be Hotch.
"Prentiss, my office." Emily said walking out of the conference room. Hotch followed Emily out not looking at the concerned team.
Emily walked out of the elevator, following Hotch to his apartment door.
"God, Emily how do you walk around in these things?" Hotch asked looking down at the floor.
"You better be talking about the high heeled boots." Emily warned, sighing as she felt her head pound from pain, "Do you have a headache?"
"Always." Hotch murmured, "It's called life."
Opening the door to the apartment, Hotch frowned when he walked in. Turning around he went to punch in the alarm code when Emily groaned behind him.
"What's wrong?" Hotch asked turning to the brunette agent wearing his body.
"This damn headache," Emily said walking to the couch, "Are you always in this much pain?"
"Not that bad" Hotch said closing the door, "On a scale of one to five?"
"Five" Emily said, "You got any aspirins?"
"Yeah, I'll be right back." Hotch said, then paused, "These damn boots are killing my feet."
Emily chuckled watching Hotch stumble to get the boots off, kicking the boot across the room.
"You really are a funny guy" Emily murmured, as she closed her eyes rubbing her forehead "Never knew had it in you."
"I knew I'd get you" Hotch murmured, giving the boots a glare causing Emily to laugh.
Walking into the kitchen, Hotch opened the medication cabinet and looked around for the aspirins.
"I've got Aleve and Midol" Hotch called out, "Do you have a preference? Emily? Emily?"
Hotch walked back into the room, and scanned the room worry etched on his face when he couldn't find Emily anywhere.
Running towards the bathroom, "Emily? Emily?"
He walked towards the bedroom, peering inside. His heart racing fast, where was Emily? He couldn't feel safe until he knew where she was.
"Hotch?" Hotch turned around looking, "Hotch can you hear me?"
Hotch opened his eyes, and seen JJ's blue ones staring back at him, concern and worry on her face.
"Yeah" Hotch said trying to sit up, but groaning in pain as he laid back down "Damn it. What happened?"
"Stay still, sir" a paramedic said, "You and your friend there have concussions..."
"Friend?" Hotch replied looking to his left, Emily was lying on a stretcher, similar to his own and was having her head bandaged up "Emily?"
"Hotch?" Emily said turning to look at him, relief shown on her face, "How's your head?"
"I don't know, you tell me?" Hotch asked, relieved that he could see her face and not his own. Puzzled by the weird dream that was slowly fading from his memory.
"You've got some blood and a few cuts on your face..." Emily told him, "But it looks like we'll both live."
"Glad to hear that" Hotch joked, he looked over at JJ who was smiling at the two, "What happened?"
"You don't remember?" JJ asked, both dark haired agents shook their heads, "Your SUV was hit by a garbage truck."
Both agents were surprised that something so inane could take them down.
"Really?" Emily asked, "A garbage truck? Well that sucks."
JJ rolled her eyes, "If it makes you feel any better he was drunk."
Hotch nodded, "Well that made me feel slightly better."
"The paramedics want to take you to the hospital, no arguing" JJ said looking at the near protesting brunette, "I know you both hate hospitals, but this is non-negotiable."
"But Jayje" Emily started.
"You have head trauma" Dave said walking up, "No amount of begging, pleading or pouting will change our minds."
Hotch chuckled at that, making JJ and Dave to look at him with surprise, this was a new aspect of their friend.
"We're going to load them up" the young male paramedic said, "Would you two like to ride together?"
"Yes" Hotch and Emily answered in unison.
"We'll be right behind you" Dave told the dark haired pair, looking over at the severely damaged SUV, "They got lucky."
"Real lucky" JJ agreed, "We could of lost them."
Dave placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, "Did you see..."
"Yeah" JJ said watching the ambulance drive away, "Maybe something good will come from all this."
"I hope so" Dave said as the two got into their SUV, "We better get to the hospital before Garcia does, got to protect them from her smothering."
JJ chuckled as she strapped on her seat belt and wondered if something new was going to happen to her friends.
"Sometimes your body is smarter than you are." Author Unknown
To Be Continued...
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