Long days plaque my very exitance. Ever since my first book, my life has been one book signing after another. And not to mention the reporters that are so far up my ass it is hard to walk straight. On top of all this bull shit in my life that belongs to my every day bitchiness , my publishing company wants my latest books out and on the Editor's desk by the end of this week. I still have the chapter to write. I guess a few more late nights can't hurt any more then they already have. So I guess I will have wake up early tomorrow morning and start on my last chapter. The plan is already drawn up, all I have to do is write. If I start around six, and non stop write I should finish the book that day then do some self revising before I submit it.
So, with a heavy sigh, I slump into my penthouse. Within the first few steps my nose is instantly invaded by a strong Miso sent. I ignore it. My stomach turns and does flips at the thought of anything food related right now. My nevers are way too high to even comprehend the idea eating. And by the grace of what ever god that decides to make my life his own personal sitcom, the one person who's voice just grades my last surviving pinch of patience in this world calls out to me.
"YUKI! Welcome home!" Shuichi yells from the kitchen, "Are you hungry? I made really good home made Miso soup!" The bobbing pink haired boy comes running out of the kitchen in the most ridiculous outfit. He is in a bright green costume that I can only imagine as being green onions. Some times I seriously wonder what kind of mental disorder is pasted through his family, and what of medicines can fix him.
The mix between his annoying voice, the even more annoying costume that he is wearing along with my pre-existing nerve condition, just causes me to snap. "Shuichi, I am not hungry for your god damned soup! Take you fucking stupid food, your useless clothes, and your annoying voice and get the hell out of my house!" I yell with out looking at him. "If you need any more help understanding my meaning then you might as well go ahead and leave your god damn key and don't bother showing your face to me any more cause i can not deal with your fucking stupidity any more!" With that I storm out of the living room and into my room slamming the door. I jump on the bed.
I spend a few hours going over the fight in my head. Right out side my door I can hear Shuichi sob softly for a little while. I hear him fumbling around in the kitchen cleaning up the soup I didn't eat, before calling Hero. I can't hear their exact conversation but I can imagine it consists of my stupidity. I hate getting mad like that. I always end up hurting him. I know Shuichi has told me time and time again that he would not leave me but, I can't help but to wonder where that line is drawn between me being stupid and irrational and me being abusive to him. I really don't want to hurt him, I just can't tell him how I feel. Eventually the soft hum of his voice on the phone with Hero and my thoughts of him lull me to sleep.
My dreams are filled with everything I try to fight back during the day. His face that i can't chase away no matter what. The voices that are talking about all the different ways too tear apart my young body. The hands that I still feel over my skin as i toss and turn in the night. Followed quickly by a loud gunshot, and blood on my hands. I feel the tears stream down my face as if it is real, and weep, and i plead to make it all go away! Then some where from the darkness I hear his voice calling me. "Yuki, why would you hurt me like that? I loved you! How dare you!" He says. Then all fades to black.
I wake up feeling my hands tremble slightly. My cheeks are stained with the remanence of tears that once fell during my sleep. I look at the clock, 4:45 AM. I sigh heavily and roll over and grab onto Shuichi for his comfort and support. However to my surprise, the spot next to me is empty. Normally Shuichi sneaks into my bed after I am sleep, and when I wake up like this I can just reach over and cuddle. Confused and some what concerned, I sit up. I look around the room to make sure he isn't on the floor, or on the foot of my bed. Nothing, not even shadows occupy the area he could be around me. Still not panicking I get up out of bed and walk into the living room. I turn on my lights an walk up the couch. I find my self just looking at the empty space beneath me in complete confusion. Where the hell could that bubbly basterd be?
My blood is slowly beginning to boil with every room I look in. I look in the bathrooms all four of them and no response. "Shuichi," I call gently through the house, with no response. I check my office, but I fin that to be completely lifeless as well. The kitchen is no different, empty, bland, and Shuichi-less. I am now standing in the living room looking all around me, just to see an empty house, just me and the walls around me. By now all the lights are on in the house and I can see every corner.
Despite my unsuccessful search, I refuse to say that he is gone. With my nerves littery throwing themselves off of me, I start ripping up my house, I flip the couch, my mattress, I take down my T.V. I pull out the stove, dishwasher, washing machine any thing he could possibly hide under or behind. My curtains where on the floor, and my sheets where in one big pile in the living room. My closet has been cleaned out completely. All the air vent covers have been taken off and I personally searched all the Ducks for the happy boy, no sign. By the time i got done turning my house inside out in search for Shuichi, the sun has illuminated my front room. The empty house makes me face the truth; he is really not here.
Quickly, my mind jumps to where he would be. The first thing I think of is where we first met. With out a second's delay I rush out of the house. My light blue Pajama pant cuffs make it hard to run, but some how I managed to make it to the park. I scan the faces quickly, no sign of him but I refuse to give up! I carefully look at every one, and behind every bush and under every rock but he wasn't there. Not a soul had seen him either. I stand there and force my self to breath. Where else could he be?
My mind jumps and scrambles but the place that he really liked to go to think was the Over pass down town next to the studio.I waist no time in running there. Again packed wit commuters and joggers trying to get from point a to point b in the shortest time. I pulled aside some people and spoke with them. "Please sir this is important, have you seen this boy around here any where?" I ask showing him my lighter with our picture on it. the man shook his head no. I think i pulled away about a hundred people just asking if they saw him. Again nothing. Now I am fighting tears that forced their way up to my rim. I bite my lip harshly and make my self to step forward.
By now I have dropped my speed to a power walk as I walk into the studio. Maybe, just maybe if he left me I could find him there and maybe say that i was sorry for last night. Defeated and hopeless I walk up to the front desk. "Look, I am not really in the mood for small talk, have you Shuichi around, you know Lead singer of Bad luck, pink hair hard to miss him, always bouncing of the walls like a fucking care free bouncy ball?" I say harshly. The guy nods. "You know," he said "Kay said he had to be here like an hour and a half ago, he didn't show up. I was thinking he was playing hookie with you again," the man shrugged. "Don't know, sorry."
So Shuichi was supposed to be at work, but he wasn't. Why not? He loved his job, why are the only reasons he would ditch singing with Bad Luck. I gasp in fear as I suddenly realize a grim possibility. I run to the nearest police station. I run straight to the front desk and to the fat officer sitting there eating a Twinki. "Look sir, have you booked, or have any one come in here by the name of Shuichi. he would be about this tall, has bright pink hair, lead singer of Bad Luck?" I ask as I pull out the only picture I have on me to show it to him. The officer looks at the picture and shakes his head and asks one of his partners to look at it too. she shakes her head no as well and sends me on my way. I sigh some what happily. At least he is not dead, or in jail. I quickly run to the nearest hospital.
I walk up to the front desk. There is a part of me that wants him to be here so at east I know that he is taken care of. Hesitantly, I walk up to the receptionist. She is dressed in this cute Tigger scrubs and her hair is neatly wrapped in a bun. "Please, please tell me you have seen him some time today," I ask, not really trying to hide the desprit sound in my voice as I hand her the picture I have. "his name is Shuichi, I didn't find him at home this morning and I can't find him any where." By know tears are pushing me to let them fall, but I don't. The cute little girl in the Tigger scrubs just shook her head no. "Look, give me your number. If we see him I will call you," she says handing back my picture, "Just Go home and sleep. you look like you need it." I can't say anything, the fear of me breaking down n public is too strong. I just nod and walk out.
When I step out of the hospital, the tears become to strong for me to fight. He must have really left me. I must have really screwed up this time. Maybe one to many insults. Maybe he can't really stand me. Or maybe he just got tired of being the throw away, the cast off. regardless as why it happened, it did, and I am to blame. I look up at the darkening sky and look deep into the sunset before bowing my head and saying a silent prayer that where ever Shuichi is, and who ever he wants to be with, he safe and happy there. With that I light up my smoke and walk home.
I slump into my the first few steps my nose is instantly invaded by a strong beef stew sent. I instantly look around, looking for my sister, my mother or any other concerned person that I haven't spoken to yet today. I slowly close the door and take a few steps into the kitchen. There before my eyes is this beautiful set of legs covered thigh up by a silly floral pattern that is hidden in the front by a "Kiss the cook"apron. The attar is being worn by the most beautiful boy with sinning pink hair and a voice given to him by the angels as he sings his latest single off of the Bad Luck album.
"Shuichi," I whisper almost in disbelief in the sight before me. He turns startled slightly. "Yuki! Welcome home! I hope you are hungry today I made beef ste-" Shuichi can't even finish the sentence before I pull him to me with a firm embrace. "Where the hell were you?" I say kissing his neck and face thankful to have him back in my arms. I hear him laugh and my stomach flutters with emotion. "I was here, you weren't silly. Where were you?" He asks me.
That is when I stop kissing him and look deep in his eyes. "Bull shit," I say, "I looked every where in this house! Under the couch, in the rooms, behind the appliances you were not here! you were also not at the park, studio, over pass or any hospital or police station either!" I say refusing to let him go. Shuichi laughs again and hugs me lightly, not letting me go as he speaks, "you're right, I wasn't there. I went to Hero's last night had a few drinks and woke up at like noon so i decided to come here," he says and spins away from me. "Admit it Yuki, you were worried about me." Trying to keep what very little pride i have left I simply walk up be hind him and nod as I lay my head on his shoulders. "Now, feed me. I am starving!And you are sleeping with me tonight whether you like it or not!" I demand him and we both laugh. but my only thought is; at least he is here with me, safe and happy.