Loving You in a Star
"Oh, look! One more! Nezumi! Did you see that one?"
"Yes, yes I did. Are you gonna do this every single time?"
"Oh come on, Nezumi! How often can we watch a meteor shower like this? Just look! It's so beautiful."
Nezumi CAN see the stars but he prefers the reflection in Shion's eyes, rather than staring up at the night sky. They are on the balcony of their bedroom, Nezumi sitting on the stone floor with legs stretched ahead and his thighs serving as pillow for Shion's head on his lap. Nezumi stares into his eyes and watches another stray meteorite shoot across the sky drawing a glowing trail behind. A lock of Shion's hair falls from its bind at the back of his head and Nezumi catches it before the white moonlit tips touch the floor. His fingers dance around the soft lock and tangle themselves around it with a habitual ease.
Shion gazes up into his eyes and smiles at him before his eyes of deep wine widen at the sight of another burning arch made by an impressively big meteorite. Nezumi follows his gaze and sees the last fading traces of the trail it leaves behind.
"All men have the stars," he softly murmurs into the summer night,
"But they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. For my businessman they were wealth. But all these stars are silent. You– you alone– will have the stars as no one else has them–"
Shion's gaze finds his again as he recites. Nezumi leans forward and softly presses his lips against his forehead before he continues,
"In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night… you– only you– will have stars that can laugh! "
Shion has that same look on his face Nezumi has seen many times before. He has seen it the first night they met, the day he had helped him escape, the day they had first danced in the restricted space of his underground hideout in the middle of thousands of books… it's the same look he had given him when he had heard Nezumi sing for the first time, or recite from classics or when he had tasted his Macbeth soup…
It's the look of someone falling in love… and Shion falls in love with him every day. More than once.
"That… that was so beautiful," Shion breathes out lowly. "Where is it from? I don't think I've read that book."
"The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exupéry," Nezumi replies. "It tells the story of an airheaded dreamy guy and a… hmmm… let's say a wanderer for the lack of another word and how they meet by chance."
"That sounds familiar." Shion smiles.
"Doesn't it, My Prince?" Nezumi returns the smile then looks up at the sky. He can feel Shion's gaze prickling across his skin. He doesn't know why he is watching him, rather than the night sky brimming with the glowing trails of dozens of shooting stars, but Nezumi knows how steady and patient Shion's gaze can be… Especially when he is in the process of falling in love…
"I wrote you a letter once."
Nezumi hears the words leave his lips before he can stop them. What's the point in saying this now? Confessing having written a letter he has never sent? When Shion had never even gotten it…
"I was in No.5." he continues slowly.
"It was my first night there, I had no place to spend the night and I was just sitting at the bay and watching the sea trying to decide what do to."
Nezumi looks down to see his steady gaze. Shion waits. He knows Nezumi isn't finished yet. He doesn't ask questions, he doesn't press on. He just waits.
He knows Nezumi will continue.
"I saw a single shooting star. It was almost as big as the one that you just saw. I remembered those lines from The Little Prince… I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote them down for you because I really wanted you to hear them."
Nezumi's fingers weave into Shion's hair. His brilliant crimson eyes confine the night sky with occasional falling stars. Nezumi can't take his eyes off of him.
"I wrote it… but I never sent it to you. I carried that letter in my pocket for months until one day; I just let the wind snatch it away from my fingers."
He leans in again; his forehead rests against Shion's as they stare into each other's eyes.
"I wanted you to hear it from me. Not read it on a piece of paper… And… I think…"
Nezumi's hair falls around Shion's face like a veil. They share the air between their parted lips. Their gaze is sealed with such intensity Nezumi feels naked, exposed to the very core of his being…
"I think that was the first time… I wanted to come back."
Shion raises a hand and cups the side of his face. Nezumi sees his own reflection in his eyes and wonders if that's how he always sees him… The understanding in his expression is almost unbearable and it is always like this. Shion looks at him and sees the deepest, ugliest, the most damaged parts of his black, black heart and he doesn't look away in repulsion. In his eyes, Nezumi can almost accept himself… he can almost… love the man Shion is in love with.
His lips taste sweet because of the scones they had not long ago. Nezumi relishes it as he slips a tongue between his parted lips and feels Shion's hands wrap around his neck. They kiss slowly, with tidal rises and falls, with the sheer momentum of their feelings. Shion's warm tongue melts inside his mouth and it warns all of his senses. Their hands merge, fingers entwining as if demonstrating a more intimate union that will take place later that night as it has many times before.
Behind closed eyelids, Nezumi remembers the scene of the moonlit bay in No.5. How his eyes had followed the stray meteorite that had been helplessly pulled in with the unyielding gravity of Earth, as it burned brightly into tiny bits of particles against the silky night sky. How for a split second… before his mind could even register and mock him… his heart had whispered a wish and he had heard it spill through his lips and dissolve into the steady sound of the crashing waves…
"I wish for another miracle."
And how another verse from The Little Prince had risen in his mind… a verse he didn't repeat again to Shion. A verse for only himself. And for the falling star that heard his wish.
"It is just as it is with the flower. If you love a flower that lives on a star, it is sweet to look at the sky at night. All the stars are abloom with flowers . . ."
This ficlet is dedicated to Jackie (Drenched-Rat / Contendaz on Tumblr). She is a precious friend that needs all the love in the world,
one that deserves more than she is given, more than she has ever dreamed of having. This is for a beautiful heart that inspires me everyday, for I wish the stars in her eyes to flare for all eternity making the dazzling light of the brightest of suns look dim.
Smile Jackie... A world with thoughts, ideas, dreams that give life to characters like Nezumi and Shion, is a world worth living every second. This is for you baby.