東方要塞 ~ The Western Impact
Touhou Yousai ~ The Western Impact
Touhou Project / Team Fortress 2 crossover fanfiction by FinnOtaku
I don't own the games that are being used as the base of this work of fiction. Touhou Project is owned by Team Shanghai Alice and Team Fortress 2 is owned by Valve.
Chapter 1: Prologue
"Jeez! How can this be so frustrating?" Scout blurted after his failed attempt to find more rag.
"I've told ya, boy, these are some delicate artifacts here. Wouldn't want them to crumble in a heat of battle for something like a misplaced component", Engineer uttered, making adjustments on his sentry's laser sight.
"Ugh... Why do I even have to help you with this... Electrical clean-up service?" Scout said, pointing at the remnants of Engineer's dispenser he had been cleaning for the last 2 hours.
"Feel free to fix that shotgun yourself. It's not my problem, really", Engineer replied with an impassive tone.
Scout was about to give one of his witty replies, but decided to hold it in. Out of the few things he hasn't claimed his superiority on, weapon maintenance was one of them. Sure, he does know how to clean his shotgun and all, but apparently when it comes to putting it back together after using it as an emergency bat...
"There, done", Engineer stated as he had finished his business with the sentry, "And that didn't even take the whole night... Scout, how's it going with the teleporter parts?"
"Well, I've cleaned most of these and... Wait, the hell? These are from the teleporter?" Scout asked while pointing the metal around him he had assumed to be from Engineer's dispenser, mostly because of it's ridiculous amount.
Even though this was the third time for him to ask that same question after Engineer had told him for about four times what parts he had been cleaning, Engineer simply replied with a "Yes". He has spent enough time with the Scout to know his lack of concentration on certain things. Most of the time these things tented to be the most crucial ones, which makes him a bit of a walking... No, a running miracle for still being alive.
But seems like he has done something well for once, Engineer thought as he glanced over the cleaned piles of metal.
"I'll fix that Force-A-Nature of yours next, as I promised for your help. But seriously, boy, how on earth did it end up like this?" Engineer picked up the parts of the Scout's shotgun. Or at least, that's what they vaguely resembled.
"That fat, bald bastard surprised me, alright!" Scout blurted, "I didn't know it'd brake that easily!"
Engineer would've wanted to push his luck a bit further, but he decided to let it slide.
"If ya say so, I see what I can do", Engineer said.
A lightning struck the facility, blacking out Engineer's room.
"Darn... We know that the place is called the Thunder Mountains, thank you very much!" Engineer yelled at the ceiling, in hopes that it'd reach those of the higher authority.
Badlands, New Mexico. It's the year of 1968.
For over a century, this piece of land has served as the scene of feud between the greedy sons of Zepheniah Mann.
For over a century, their efforts to take over the land from one another has ended up in a never ending stalemate.
For over a century, most of the people have been oblivious of this fact and were there just for the pleasure of killing.
And it'll be left that way, as the story that's about to unfold won't be about these two brothers, but the mercenaries hired by them.
Reliable Excavation Demolition had successfully fended off Builders League United that day, as the latter had attempted to bomb one of the RED's facilities in the northern parts of Badlands. This particular facility in question is commonly referred to as Badwater Basin among the mercenaries.
The BLU's mercenaries had planned to transport the bomb by railroad tracks to the facility's dump site, as they had found out that the RED had been using it as a storage pit for a hazardous waste. Why gather so much highly explosive material in one place? That seemed to be a mystery even among the RED's mercenaries.
But even so, the attempt ended up to be a failure as the RED team had learned of the attack just in time to prepare countermeasures. And after the BLU team's initial attempt to push the cart, they had no choice but to retreat as they realized being overpowered by their enemies.
After the BLU's retreat, the RED team had returned to their base of operation in the Thunder Mountains, north of the Basin. They had left Pyro to keep guard in the facility and Demoman to examine the bomb, both being eccentric professionals on their respective fields.
The day started slowly turn into night, as the RED began to prepare for their next showdown with their rivals. But little did they know that this night would mark a journey of their lifetime, and that they won't be the only team to join for the ride...
Engineer's room was situated right across the Thunder Mountain's spiral tower, the central point of the RED's base of operation. Out of one window, he had a view of the the tower and most of it's surroundings. Out of another, he had a view of the distant mountains and the nearby hills, latter being slightly covered with spruces. It also gave him a good view on a bridge, commonly known as the point B. Engineer had specifically requested this room as it was the nearest to the team's rendezvous point, giving him sufficient amount of time to pack his things up even in the cases of emergency, such as the one they had today.
He had pretty much redecorated the whole room for his needs, as the majority of the room was filled with his gadgets, blueprints, crafting tools and piles of metal of varying quality. According to him, the only things left from the previous decor were the electrical panels on the wall and a bed, latter being faintly visible under the piles of metal.
But the only con he had found about this room... No, about this whole facility is that whoever build this place, never got around to enforce it properly. As the area was infamous for it's ever raging thunderstorm, lightnings had been causing blackouts around the facility in about every half an hour. Much to Engineer's annoyance, as it evidently fell on his shoulders to fix the damages every time the facility blacked out.
And about that much time had gone since the last blackout...
Well, what do you know, putting this gun back together took much less time than I had anticipated, Engineer thought.
"Yes! I'm done! I'm finally done with this crap!"
And seems like the Scout managed to do his share as well.
"Taking care of your stuff isn't something I'd call crap, boy", Engineer said.
"Yeah, whatever. You're done with my gun, Engie? Hand it over", Scout said.
Maybe I should just try and say something as obnoxious in return, Engineer thought.
"Yeah, I've fixed your stupid crap, yo. Next time try shooting with your bat, y'all", Engineer said as he tried the best he could to mock Scout's attitude.
And that certainly gave a peculiar expression on Scout's face. It took him 10 seconds to reclaim his shotgun and about the same amount of time to finally speak up his mind.
"What's your problem, man?" he replied.
Is he really that ignorant? Engineer thought. But as the Scout was about to leave the room...
"Oh, hold on a moment", Engineer said. Still dumbfounded look on his face, he turned to Engineer.
"Have ya seen a red notebook around here? About this size?" Engineer asked as he formed a pocket-sized rectangle with his fingers.
Scout's change of expression showed that he was rather surprised by this sudden question. The following expression in turn showed that he was going through the last couple of hours of his life, but evidently he had to settle for a simple "No".
"I see. Carry on", Engineer said as he turned his attention back to his table.
A bit confused, Scout headed out to the thunderstorm.
"Where on earth could that notebook be?" Engineer muttered to himself as he was checking his table's drawers, "I can't log these maintenance records wherever I want."
A lightning struck the facility, blacking out Engineer's room.
"And you can be pretty darn sure that this isn't helping!" Engineer yelled at the ceiling, in hopes that it'd reach those of the higher authority.
"Spy, you sure this is the place?" Heavy asked as the BLU team had made their way to the Thunder Mountain facility.
"There's no mistaking it", Spy claimed as he took out a red notebook, "everything in these notes indicate that they've been using this facility as their base of operation for the last four weeks."
"But zese notes only show what was repaired and when", Medic said with a doubtful voice, "how is it that you came up with ze where?"
Spy gave out the notebook for others to read.
"Where else could one get a four pages worth of blackout reports within 24 hours?" he asked his teammates.
After seeing the notes, others weren't really that surprised for him to end up in that kind of conclusion.
"But Spy, you really sure we can act without that woman's permission?" Heavy asked him nervously, referring to the Administrator.
It has been an unspoken rule among the mercenaries to let the Administrator know about their plans, as those not doing so were supposed to be - in her words - "punished most severely". Though no one was really sure about what this punishment held in, no one had really dared to give it a try either. She knowing everything about them and they knowing nothing about her was one of the things keeping the mercenaries at bay. But this didn't seem to worry the Spy, as a smirk spread across his face.
"I believe that policy is to prevent us not to do anything uncalled for, oui?" Spy said, "But with this kind of opportunity to raid our enemies' base, I'm sure she'd forgive us for not contacting her. And besides", his tone went serious, "I think it's about time to get our revenge on these bastards, to show them that it won't be the color red that always prevail!"
"Now that's what I wanna see!" Soldier said, eagerly loading his rocket launcher, "Let's go kill some maggots!"
As the Soldier rocket launched himself on the nearby rooftop, the four of them split up around the facility, the Medic tagging along with the Heavy.
Seems like I'm getting too used to this, Engineer thought. He had just found the burnt out fuse and replaced it without the help of a flashlight, something he wouldn't have been able to do in about a week ago.
Since the control room was near the place he had been using as a sentry spot, he had taken it along to set it up to watch over the place. It's not that he's betting on someone to show up, it's just one of his force of habits.
After he had upgraded his sentry to the level 3, he decided to go back and reassemble his teleporters. But as soon as he got back to his room, his phone started ring. That made him remember that he had told Demoman to call him, once the Scotsman had finished his business with the bombcart. And seems like his guess was right, after hearing the voice on the other side of the line. But after realizing the state of the voice on the other side of the line...
"Oh, good night, Irene..." Engineer muttered, while he used his hand to form a palm on his face.
"Everyone thinks I'm just a one-eyed bloody monster, goddamit", the intoxicated Scotsman mumbled on the line, "Engie, why you no love me?"
"Demo, have you ever heard of the term 'safety regulations'?" Engineer asked sarcastically.
Seriously, what is it with him and drinking on duty? Engineer added in his mind.
"Me can't help when they wanna hug me and me wanna hug them and then we all wanna have a hugging good time!" Demoman mumbled, followed by a rather impressive(?) burp.
It took Engineer all of his willpower to not ask what his drunken companion was talking about. But even so, he still had to somehow ask about the state of the bombcart. Assuming the cart was like all the others, how was it he did it the last time...
"Demo, do you remember how I asked you to check out the bombcart?" Engineer began to persuade.
"The bombcart? Me check the bombcart, it was one hell of a (hiccup) cart with a bomb, 'cause it's a bombcart so it has a bomb."
This might be even easier than the last time, Engineer thought, he's still relatively sober.
"Remember how we left you there with the Pyro?" Engineer continued.
"Yeah, they're still both running around like a bunch of drunkards doing the spicy... Spy-cicle... Spy check!" Demoman managed to find the correct term for Pyro's activity.
Engineer would've wanted to remind him that their team only had one Pyro, but decided to went on with his interrogation.
"Remember how there was nothing out of ordinary in the cart?" Engineer asked bluntly.
"Me do, lad", Demoman said, not realizing the oddity of the question, "All the carts, all the same, all having 'Cry some more' written on 'em. Why they make fun of me injury, Engie?" Engineer thought his phone was acting up after Demo's rant, but then realized it was the sound of the Scotsman's weeping on the other side of the phone.
But as he had confirmed that the bombcart didn't need any additional procedures, he was more than relieved to conclude this conversation.
"I'm sure it's not their intention, fella", Engineer tried to comfort Demoman, "But anyhow, you stay there with the Pyro for the night, just in case the BLU would have something up their sleeves."
Though even if they would, I think it'd just fall on Pyro's shoulders to fend them off, Engineer thought.
Demoman had managed to cease his weeping.
"Thanks, mate", Demoman mumbled, "Wanna have a word with the Pyro?"
Okay, now he's definitely losing it, Engineer thought as he recalled his own attempts to have a conversation with that muffled pyromaniac.
"Nah, I'm fine. Take care", Engineer said, closing the phone.
Thank god we don't have to do this that often, Engineer thought. And with that out of his mind, he finally began to reassemble his teleporters. To make his task a bit more interesting, he set himself a goal that he would be finished by the time the next lightning strikes.
Something's not right here, Spy thought as he had reached the facility's spiral tower without any interference.
Even if we had tried to sneak our way in, they should have noticed our presence by now.
As he was checking the tower's surroundings, he had confirmed that there were about four cameras focused on him at the moment.
As the RED's security was based on identifying the people with the opposing team's color, he was rather surprised that they didn't trigger the alarm as soon as they had set their foot in the facility. And as he had just strolled his way to the central point of the facility, he was getting rather suspicious on whether the notes he had stolen were part of some kind of a trap. He doesn't like the feeling of someone else doing his thing, being a one step ahead of him.
A lighting struck on one of the faraway mountains.
The thought of cameras malfunctioning in a 24/7 thunderstorm crossed his mind.
Well... I suppose that's possible, Spy thought, but tried to discard the idea for being far too convenient.
He decided to stay cautious as he began to stroll around the tower, beginning his sightseeing from the building with a big A sign on it. But as he had made his way to the interior of the building...
He quickly withdrew his leg as he heard the familiar sound behind the corner.
A sentry! So they are here after all, Spy thought triumphantly.
He took out his Disguise Kit, did a little eeny, meeny, miny, moe, and that way settling with a Pyro disguise.
Then he walked up to the sentry, which didn't seem to be accompanied by his Engineer, much to Spy's pleasure.
Seems like the gods are favoring me this day, Spy thought, even though he didn't really believe in any.
"Why hello, handsome", Spy said as he took out his sapper.
This must be a new record for me, Engineer thought, as he had achieved his personal goal with ease.
He had managed to reassemble both of his teleporters within 30 minutes, and now only thing left to do was to test drive them. He set both of his teleporters on the table, after clearing it of his gadgets. Both of them began slowly to turn on as the Engineer took out some metal from his pile to test the connection between them. But as he was about to take out his wrench to hasten the teleporters' process, one of his PDAs began to beep.
"Huh, that's strange", Engineer said, reaching out to the PDA, "Did I made some wrong calibrations on the sen..."
His eyes widened, as he saw the gauge representing his sentry's energy diminishing on his PDA. And the only thing able to make it happen this steady would be...
"Spy's sappin' mah sentry!" Engineer yelled as he made it to the window facing towards the tower.
He saw the Pyro coming out of the A building, slowly following the railroad tracks towards the point B.
Seems like he's not aware that we've left the Pyro in the Basin, Engineer thought. But how, how could've he found out about our base of...
His mind suddenly went back to the Badwater Basin, to the time when the Spy had desperately tried to sap his sentry during the BLU's attack. But right before the BLU had retreated, the Spy's last odd attempt... The notes!
"Dagnabbit!" Engineer cried out as he had realized the attempt's chain of events, "I knew he went down too easily back then!"
The PDA's beeping ceased as the sentry's energy gauge had disappeared from the screen.
Engineer took out his wrench and shotgun.
"Let's go give 'im some Southern Hospitality..." he said as he left his room, heading downstairs to the point B.
He barely gave any thought on how the Spy had managed to figure out their base's location. After all, this was probably the only place in Badlands to be able to fill a four pages worth of blackout reports within a time span of 24 hours.
Spy had decided to remain in his disguise as he thought it would give him an advantage, should he come in contact with the Engineer. He had reached the point B, but the Engineer was nowhere to be seen, as were none of his other gadgets.
Strange, I thought sapping his sentry would've caught his attention, Spy thought, glancing up to the sky and it's thunderclouds.
"Merde... Maybe I should go check their control room next", Spy said. If sapping the Engineer's sentry hadn't caught his attention, maybe sapping their communications would do the trick. But as he was about to leave...
"You're a looooong way from France, boy", Engineer had appeared right across the bridge behind the Spy, with a shotgun in his hand.
Seems like choosing the Pyro was a bit of a mistake, Spy thought. But it seemed like he didn't really mind about this turn of events as he took off the mask, revealing the smirk on his face.
"Surprised, cowboy?" Spy asked, taking out his knife.
"You've got some guts to drop by out of the blue like that, Spy", Engineer said, getting closer to his nemesis.
"It's not my fault if your surveillance isn't up and running, hardhat", Spy said.
That made Engineer grunt a bit. It's not that he had wanted to neglect that matter, it's just that fixing a whole surveillance system takes time. A lot of time, and every lightning would just throw him back to the square one.
Seriously, who the hell build this place, Engineer thought.
"Well, what do you know, seems like the blackouts aren't your only problem after all", Spy said, after seeing the Engineer's irritated look.
So he did stole them, Engineer thought about his notes' fate.
"Doesn't matter", Engineer tried to restrain himself as he loaded his shotgun, "I'm gonna lay you out right here, Frenchman!"
The Spy's smirk faded as he got more serious.
"Why don't we try and settle this thing with my knife and your wrench?" Spy said with a serious tone, "I'm sick of your way of hiding behind the shadows of your toys, Engie! Don't you have guts to fight mano-a-mano?"
It might have been because of the way things have gone for him today, but the Engineer found that challenge a bit tempting. As the things had gone better than expected until now, beating the Spy in his own game sounded like a perfect fit in the continuum.
Engineer set his shotgun aside, taking out his wrench.
"I'm feeling lucky today, boy", Engineer said to his rival, "Let's do this Texas style."
Spy was pleased to see him take it seriously.
"I'm going to gut you like a Cornish game hen", he said as their weapons began to clash.
Back at the Engineer's room, the teleporters had finally turned on and began to spin. But as they began to spin faster and faster, the entrance part of the teleporter suddenly began to move away from it's initial position, slowly towards it's counterpart. The entrance was slowly closing in to the exit, bit by bit, until they eventually collided, sending the entrance flying across the room right towards one of the room's electrical panels. The entrance crashed on the panel, getting stuck by the top half of the device, leaving the base spinning in the place of the top.
The impact made the exit's top half being partially detached from the base, making the top wobble as it kept spinning. The top half soon made contact with the table, completely detaching it from the base. The impact sent the device right through a window, and straight towards the spiral tower. As the things were heating up on the point B, the device came in contact with tower's roof, sending it up in the sky right towards an incoming...
Ran found herself being torn up inside by her conflicting emotions. While it was supposed to be her time to go wake up Yukari from her slumber, she hasn't been able to bring herself to wake up her shikigami, currently sleeping on her lap.
"Oh, what should I do?" Ran muttered to herself, "If I don't go wake her up now, who knows what she'd come up with as her next punishment."
Ran shivered, as she recalled the last time she was punished by her master. For not bringing sweets from the Human Village as asked, Yukari had punished her by disabling her arms and putting an ice cube sliding down the back of her neck. Trying to neglect this memory, her eyes began to wander around the backyard of the Yakumo household, until they made contact with Chen's sleeping face. After watching her in silent for a moment, she found herself petting Chen's head again before she knew it.
"I can't help it, she's just so cute!" Ran tried to hold her voice back, and the same went for her nosebleed.
But after petting Chen's head for a moment or two, she finally managed to take control of her urge and redeem herself.
"No, no, no, this won't do Ran Yakumo", she told herself, "You have to be a role model for your shikigami, to show her the right from wrong. The right thing to do now, is to go and wake up our master. Yes, that's right. And to do that, I need her to move off my lap. And to move her, I need to... God, this isn't helping!" Ran fell over her tails, utterly defeated by her train of thought.
...Oh, the hell, Ran thought as she got back up, this is getting ridiculous, I'll just wake her up and be done with this, I'm sure she'll understand.
But now she had to come up with the how, since she didn't want to go all rough on her shikigami. She needed to do something that wouldn't outright break her sweet daydream, something that would gently bring her back from her dreamland, something...
An overwhelming feeling of presence suddenly crashed through Ran's body, making her instinctively stand up to confront the source. But for much of her surprise, the sudden feeling wasn't seemingly accompanied by any likely candidate. Her eyes were locked on the spot she had felt to be the source of that feeling, up in the bright morning sky. But as nothing seemed to come up, she eventually calmed down.
"Was it just me, then?" Ran wondered out loud, "But still, why does this situation feel so familiar..."
"Ran-sama, what was that for?" Chen finally spoke up to her master, with a bit of a teary eyes.
Only then Ran realized that she had forgotten about her shikigami as she had stood up. And from the looks of it, the result was Chen's head meeting the pavement, and that leaving an ugly bruise on her forehead. This gave Ran an almost instantaneous panic attack.
"Oh my god, I'm sorry Chen!" Ran said, kneeling down to meet Chen's eye level, "Are you okay?"
"I think I am", Chen said, wiping her few tears, "but my head's hurting a bit."
"Just hold on, I'll go get some bandai..."
Suddenly the sky began to distort, forming a gap in the sky. And as the gap became larger and larger, it eventually shot a huge, red ball of light towards the ground. About a halfway to the impact, the ball split into several smaller parts, all of them beginning to spring back and forth around the air as they parted. As the balls began to hit the ground, the impact of each landing sent piles of orange and yellow particles high in the sky. These particles seemed to be of no harm, as they vanished as soon as they came in contact with the ground.
By the time the last of the balls had crashed on the ground, the gap had already disappeared. The only thing left from the spectacle were the particles, gently falling down to the ground.
Shocked by the sight she had just witnessed, it took Chen quite a while to finally speak up.
"Ran-sama... Wha... What was that?" she managed to say in her confusion. But it was then she noticed the change of her master's expression. An uneasy expression.
So that's why it felt so familiar, Ran thought.
"Chen", Ran said to her shikigami, "it seems like I have to go to see that red-white shrine maiden, you can find bandaids from the second left cupboard in the kitchen."
"Uh... Okay", Chen said as she was taken a bit aback by her master's sudden change of behavior.
"Also, wake up Yukari", Ran said before taking off to the particle filled sky, "and tell her we might have some visitors."
Chapter 1 Afterword:
Hello, this is FinnOtaku, the guy who's about to try and write a serious fanfic about Team Fortress 2 characters crossing over to the Touhou world. For many years, I've been a fan of crossovers, always eager to see how characters from other worlds and/or series interact with characters from another. This theme also tend up to appear in my own fantasies, but for many years, I've had to keep them for myself as I didn't know any (socially acceptable) place to share them. That was, until a couple of weeks back, I found this website. Yuka Kazami crossing over to the Zero no Tsukaima world? Touhou heroines doing SSB? How is it possible that I had missed this heaven on earth? And could I be a part of it? ... O_O
Thus, I've decided to try and write a story about two of my favorite things from the east and the west. Reviews would be appreciated as this is my first time writing down my fantasies, or doing a fanfic in a first place. But more than anything, try to enjoy the upcoming ride as that's what I'm really trying to achieve by writing down this story =)