Chapter nine: Mary Sue and the Fellowship of Insanity
Severus led Sirius to his room. Sirius was carrying his duffel bag and his broom. His owl had been taken to the owlery. An extra bed had been conjured for Sirius's short stay with the Snapes.
"Finally, I've gotten away from Kit and that bloody violin," said Sirius.
"I don't know. Kit's not that bad and you play the violin very well," said Severus.
Just as Sirius gave Severus an angry glare there was a knock at the door. Severus went to open the door to find a house elf struggling to hold up a violin.
"Excuse me sir, I was told to give you this," said the house elf.
"No, thank you, I don't want it," said Sirius.
"I was also told that if you said that I was to give it to you anyway. I is only following orders," said the house elf.
"Thank you," said Sirius forcing himself to stay calm as he accepted the violin.
"So when do I get a private concert?" asked Severus.
"When the elves return from the "Blessed Realm of Aman" or wherever it was my father said they sailed off to a long time ago," said Sirius.
"Speaking of Elves, I remember someone's middle name being shouted at them. I think it was Aragorn," said Severus.
"What did you expect my parents to name me, Sirius Lee Black?" asked Sirius
"Oh that would be too cruel," laughed Severus. "You would be a walking punch line."
"I was sort of named after my father. His name is Cameron Arathorn Black," said Sirius.
"That would make you Aragorn, son of Arathorn," said Severus.
"Don't tell me anything! I'm not yet halfway through Fellowship of the Ring. Don't ruin it for me. The hobbits haven't even made it out of the Barrow downs," said Sirius.
"So you don't want to hear about how Aragorn dies and Arwen runs off with Legolas," said Severus.
"Arwen? Legolas? Who are those people?" said Sirius. "I only know Aragorn is a character in the story because Lily told me about him. I haven't seen him introduced yet."
"Well read on, you will find out who they are," said Severus. "Just remember I was the first person to tell you about the Arwen / Legolas thing."
"Not one more word about the books," said Sirius.
"But don't you want to know about Frodo's girlfriend Mary Sue. She is very important to the story. She has flawless beauty, unsurpassed fighting skills and unmatched bravery," continued Severus
"Oh now you're making that up. Even in literature she's too perfect a character. I'm surprised they don't toss her into Mt. Doom," laughed Sirius.
"Sam pushed her in for coming between him and his Mr. Frodo," joked Severus.
"Merlin's beard, unless you're pulling my leg that is one messed up book!" exclaimed Sirius.
"You haven't heard the best part yet. Gandalf is really Dumbledore, but don't tell anyone that's suppose to be a secret," said Severus.
"That's a good one Severus. You really had me going," said Sirius trying to catch his breath.
"Alright, don't believe me, but you will see," said Severus.
A house elf appeared in the middle of the room. Her face was set in as stern an expression as a house elf could manage.
"Sirs, Master is ordering me to tell you to go to sleep," said the house elf.
On what Sirius does and does not know about
Even though Sirius hasn't read ROTK he knows about the elves sailing west because his father mentioned it in the last chapter. Even though he hasn't gotten to the council of Elrond, he would have heard about Mt Doom when Gandalf explained the origin of the ring to Frodo in the Shire.
In case you didn't pick up on them the bad fic references. Character death Aragorn, wrong paring Legolas / Arwen, Mary Sue, Slash (see Sam pushing Mary Sue into Mt. Doom) Poorly written or explained crossovers Gandalf is Dumbledore.
Again I apologize for the long wait, but real life is a pain.
I do not own the characters from Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter
To people who write about character death, alternate pairing, slash, and crossovers my jokes are entirely aimed at poorly written/ explained fan fictions of these types. To people who write marry sue fics, with the exception of Mary Sue parodies, the creation of a true Marry Sue shows the singular lack of imagination. In the end this chapter is while a part of the plot is for comic relief and really isn't supposed to be taken seriously. Flames will be used to burn Marry Sue at the stake.