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8/14/2016 c5 29Heaven's Wordsmith
This is a good chapter, once again I like how you ended it! Good job! Keep writing! :D
8/14/2016 c4 Heaven's Wordsmith
I love how you ended this chapter! I also like how your dividing the scenes now! XD Guess I spoke too soon.
8/14/2016 c3 Heaven's Wordsmith
I like how you divided the scenes in this one!
8/14/2016 c2 Heaven's Wordsmith
XD Chi-Chi...
I thought it was really funny the way Goten goes all super saiyan and blows a hole in the wall XD
8/14/2016 c1 Heaven's Wordsmith
This is a good prologue! Good way to start out! Here's some advice:
-Re-read your chapters before posting them. I don't always do this, but I know it can really help you out a lot. A few problem points I noticed were spelling issues. Always be sure to spell check!
-When the characters were transported into the DBZ universe, it was a little confusing because the dialogue wasn't divided to show that a scene change had occurred. Keep this in mind in the future.
-The only other thing I noticed was that you weren't using comas and other punctuation like that. Punctuation tends add a little more flare/emotion/voice to the story. I really think you have great potential! Keep writing and you'll be an amazing writer! ;)
6/14/2016 c5 3Aaronthegreat1
Look I want to update more frequency but its hard to for me to create original dialogue and stuff so if you guys and give me ideas maybe I can do it faster.

Ps:Yes I did give Shadow and Silver there Shadow759 personalities so there bye.
8/11/2015 c4 SonicForever501
i love this story but please correct those punctuation errors.i didn't understand when you spelt Cheese as Chesse. took me a while to get it was Cheese. Other than that, i love the story so far. PLZ CONTINUE SOON!
9/27/2014 c4 Guest
2/1/2014 c4 Aaronthegreat1
sorry this chapter is so short
1/18/2014 c1 invitado
1/18/2014 c2 Aaronthegreat1
I will finish the next one tomorrow
1/18/2014 c1 Aaronthegreat1
Like a said I'm new so don't judge

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