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for HOTD A Different Beginning

2/17/2014 c2 Guest
Please update soon
2/17/2014 c2 1Mr. Ace Writer
good job man... takasi become swordsman... i just can say AWESOM!
2/16/2014 c1 1Hayden-Strife
Just one chapter and I'm hooked
You didn't add any chems to it to hook us did you?
2/16/2014 c2 Deathgun07
finally, the zombies!
2/16/2014 c2 6T-Biggz
Well it's nice to see How Takashi could have developed had he a differen't set of skills, but, I don't see how that's going to matter unless he gets his hands on an actual weapon.
On that note, wouldn't a european straight sword be designed for a fencing style? Such a form of combat wouldn't be truly useful in a zombie apocolypse, unless the blade was extreamly sharp, because of all the wasted movement and over-extending you would do to gain enough momentum to deal any real damage.
At least that's how I see it. Don't know if I'm right, but, if the sword was a differen't type I'd be inclined to change my opinion.
2/8/2014 c1 BlackLife
wow i dont care if this is one chapter im pretty sure anyone could write a story based on this. But thinking this i also thought no one else could write on chapter that is able to become a story withought thinking a lot. no offense to other writers
1/30/2014 c1 3Reishin Amara
he copied sword art online...that gives me an idea btw...Swrd Art Online highschool of te dead...imagine kirito/kazuto and the others using their skills in the real ...even the girl from gun gale online. oh,and no fucking NUKE EMP...honestly that sees like a dumbasses choice and it would be awesome for him to have yui tagging along using the virtual display he made later a GOOD version of resident evils Red Queen trying to save White Fae.
1/28/2014 c1 2LonelyHollow117
I really like this story and think it is very interesting. It seems pretty cool that Takashi can pick up certain talents with just seeing them once. I look forward to reading more of this story and hope you update soon!
1/26/2014 c1 1Mr. Ace Writer
good twist. i hope you will write the story until finish and i will patience waiting your next chap (,)d
1/25/2014 c1 1m16m203
great story so far i love it
1/25/2014 c1 4SoaringxDragon
Okay all, just want to say thank you for the support and from the comments, I am heavily think of that rerwrite/revise of this story. zathol and gravenimage made interesting and good points which I like and of course draco38 (I love this guy, he's the reason I started on this site with his story Time Trax of the Dead, if you haven'haven't read it then get off here and do so because it is glorious) mentioned how I should get betas which I will now do so since I have none and really don't know the whole process of getting one/using one so if you are interested then pm me and we will work things out as well as me giving you insight on my ideas and where I'm looking at this story to go

1/25/2014 c1 4chrojoh
I like your idea man
1/24/2014 c1 Zathol
Not bad I like the idea, but I think you can make it better and draw it out a bit more. The 'gift' idea you have sounds like he's able to copy and be able to imitate to a startling degree if he interested in it. I think you should tweak his gift so you can prolong the scenes and make it more believable. If you changed his gift to something like being able to improve or imitate at astonishing rate then that would allow you more room to work with. For example if you started this a month or two back before the zombies came than you can have Takashi have there little spar and have Saeko be impressed with his natural instincts and quick improvement.

Over the 1 or 2 months they can have spars together or Takashi can join the club, but they can quickly become friends and closer while Takashi much to Saeko and/or everyone else's astonishment that he can match her and even win. I think if you did something like this it would make it more realistic fighting together without getting in each others way since they fought and gotten to know each other so well.

Reading the scene at the end I just couldn't see it happening since they just met, one is a national kendo champion while the other is a newbi even with his 'gift', fighting together like that with someone is not easily done with a stranger especially when swinging a blades (wooden blades) and not to mention doing so in a school hallway. I'm no kendo/sword expert but its just common sense, two people swinging swords inside a hallway without hitting each other or friendlies is difficult, sword fighting is better for open areas. Also I don't think you be so quick to bring those two together romantically yet since they are strangers and you already have Takashi bringing her to an intimate position at the end. In canon from what I can see they grow closer really fast because of the situation they are in like when they were alone fighting together and Saeko talking about herself and her fears of herself and such scenes strengthen a bond really fast. As they say hard times brings people together, but I think people who are already close together when hard times come just brings them even closer. (Well hopefully anyway I mean it doesn't work for everyone but in canon it seems to work for Takashi's group)

I would suggest you have them form a friendship during the time they spend together during the first month or two and by the time Zday rolls around they already have a strong friendship (bond) borderline becoming a couple. If you look on Highschool of the dead Wiki it says that after she severely injured the person who attacked her she discovers a darker side of herself and believes that she does not deserve the right to confess her feelings which can be something that you can use to keep them apart until your ready to bring them together in a memorable scene. Instead of just bringing them together really fast like it seems in this chapter. My favorite paring is Takashi and Saeko but I would like to read where they get along strengthening there bond, improving there fighting skills, and then getting together somewhere down the line in a scene where it goes over the edge of friendship into love. Also you can have more 'drama' moment s you mentioned with the ex since I'm sure she would be jealous and be shocked at how Saeko and Takashi are getting along.

Only other thing I should bring up is you use the word ' i ' to much It's fine dialogue and for a temporary point of view with a character we automatically know who's thinking or talking, but for whole thing not so much. I'm not a grammar expert or anything but when reading it and saying ' i ' a reader will sometimes thing of themselves when saying it. ( I could be wrong when it comes to other people but when i read a story like that I sometimes think of myself instead of the character who its actually referring to.

If that confuses you sorry I may not have explained it right, but this is first time I'm ever bring it up in a review. Sorry if I left to long a review I just thought your story had a good idea and wanted to give some suggestions in a way you can improve your writing and the story. Also since this is my favorite pairing I wanted to see if I could get the writer to make it better somehow. Anyway whatever you do I'll still keep my eye out for more chapter so keep up the good work.
1/24/2014 c1 31Draco38
It is a little rushed, but I like it. I like it a lot! That being said let me get out my bokken for a minute.

You have some word usage problems. Its not bad but I see you repeating some words and phrases in the same paragraph or the next one can be a bad habit.

I don't see much problem in spelling except like using 'her' for 'here'. This will get missed by spell check of course so you just have to be careful.

Two things I would recommend. If you don't have a Beta-editor get one. A second set of eyes going over a project is always helpful. I'm lucky to have the other Horsemen and they unmerciful with me.

Second is: read the paragraphs out loud to yourself to check the flow. I tend to 'add' words in my mind that never get to the paper, but when I go back and read it as a narration, I 'hear' the problems and can fix them before the editors jump me over it.

I'll be reading and following.
1/24/2014 c1 Deathgun07
hmmm... trying out a new non-vagabond takashi does seem nice. keep it up, i'll be waiting for more. take my follow and favourite!
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