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2/22/2015 c3 Channing Logue
Too many mistakes also thou is spelled though
4/15/2014 c1 780Yemi Hikari
First... the site guidelines make it quite clear that non-story content is not allowed, so you need to delete what you have up as the first chapter.

Second... you need to work on the formatting of the story. There is the bulky paragraphs as someone else pointed out, but the lines in bold as well. Thoughts are supposed to be in italics as are letters, otherwise it is a pain for your readers to read.

Third... you need to brush up on character development. Who is Link? Well, we the readers don't know what kind of person he is because you've not built him past an archetype. To write a goods story any OC should be more then just a character archetype. Give him a personality, don't focus so much on looks but what makes him tick. Treat him like he is a living person with feelings and let those emotions out as you write.
2/3/2014 c2 2Lady Monopolist
Never put more than one person's lines in the same paragraph, always start a new paragraph whenever someone new speaks. Also, don't put commas outside of quotation marks. Instead if "Yes", it should be "Yes,".
1/26/2014 c1 155Farla
Don't post a story until you've actually written the story.

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