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for I Got Better

1/27/2014 c1 1Twenty12
Whew... Ok, I need to take my time with this one.

First off, let me tell you that I appreciate your writing style. You managed to depict the atmosphere beautifully, and it was both scary and amusing at the same time, so props to that. I suggest you pay more attention to word placement; while you use an adequetly complex and exquisite vocabulary, it'll look even better spread throughout the text, and with a bit of a wider variety.

In terms of story, I'd say this is exactly the kind of plot you need for a one-shot. Leo's innocence actually worked to make him a very frightening character; I was pleasantly surprised by how malevolent he seemed towards the end. The single point I would protest about would be Aeris' mentality, as I can't bring myself to imagine her this bitter and unforgiving; it is part of her character to be "harsh", but I've always figured that went for a short temper and a few acceptably violent urges, nothing this heavy.

But that's not the Aeris I had in mind; that is YOUR Aeris, and as the character you have given her is described thoroughly and is convinsing, this "protest" is nothing but a personal whimsy, and it definitely isn't worth taking into consideration.

I enjoyed this quite a lot. From what I get, you're gonna be updating some more material? If so, I'm looking forward to it.
1/26/2014 c1 2Valmariel
THE HELL?! Alright man, you're making me type this review with hand that won't stop to shake themselves. (but mostly because it's frickin' cold here)

Psycho Leo, with immortal souls? Well, this story is quite interesting, actually. And horror suits perfectly with one-shots, since long horror story is boring as hell. Nice one!

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