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for Do know who kill me?

11/11/2014 c1 4Red Diz
Ok. I think this is a good idea but you have alot of spelling and grammar mistakes. I look forward to seeing how this story progresses. Please update soon!
2/23/2014 c1 8CasualFictionWriter23
As much as I love this idea. For heaven's sake, please divide your words into paragraphs. Also some suggestion I have for you:

Try not to use bold words, except for Author Notes special effect like *THUD*, *POW*, *BAM* etc.

Use italic words and ' ' when a character is thinking.

If you're still confused about how to write in 3rd POV. try to give space every time a character has finished speaking and you want to move onto the different character.
2/14/2014 c1 personaduke
your very first mistake happens at the very beginning of your story, you combined what should be three words into one.
your second happens immeiantly after, you said that he woke up in an alley near some buildings. rather than describe the alley, (such as dark, dank, deserted, dirty or cold) you pionted out the obvious an the worst of it is you didn't even ecribe those buildings.
my next thing i dislike about your writing is that you use the word multiple, it is a vauge word and doesn't realy describe the scene. also if you are trying to decribe the cat mural, a better word would be covered.
graffiti can't be in a wall, it can only be on a wall.
the word "were" is a word belonging to the past tense and if there were graffiti marks on a wall there would be no point in mentioning it. the word your looking for is "is".
i would like to sugest that you get a beta and then repost your story when both of you are satifie with the quality of your work
2/5/2014 c1 11Aster's Descendants
Ok, I'm liking what you have going on here, and I've been waiting for a crossover like this to happen for a pretty long while. But my main issue is that it's crammed together and it's all bold. Keep this story going, it's good, but as a tip to make it look more professional, don't use the bold print all the time and separate it out into multiple paragraphs.
2/4/2014 c1 2Keybladeknight39
pretty good this story has a lot of potential. try not to use bold letters and try writing in paragraphs all in all pretty good for a first story keep it up

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