Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for A House Divided

8/3/2016 c1 4dragonwolf12
I applaud you for sticking with this story for so long with so little followers.
5/7/2016 c91 TheRaptorGamer
This is really awesome! I'm a fan of both franchises, and truly think this is an amazing piece of literature!
5/7/2016 c1 duuuuuuuuuuuuude
I'm sorry, but this is unreadable. I've skimmed a few chapters, and from what I can see Bess and Chloe are very one-dimensional, and you alternate points of view *way* too much. Too bad. This could have been great.
3/12/2016 c1 136rebecca-in-blue
I love both Harry Potter and Star Wars, so I think that a story about a crossover family could be an interesting one, but I'm just not sure that you executed it very well here. In this first chapter, there's a lot of dialogue and fighting about spiders, but I don't get a very strong impression of the characters, and strong characters are so essential to a long story. Chloe comes off as too wimpy/whiny, and Bess is too mean, so I can't really sympathize/identify with either one, which doesn't draw me in.

I skimmed the second chapter, and while I like the alternating points of the view between the twins and feel the story needs the exposition, having to read "X/Y's point of view" so constantly (almost every other line in some spots) is just exhausting. Wouldn't it be easier to just put one twin's narrative in italics?
12/9/2015 c2 the bluegayle
I'm sorry this is unreadable Your style of writing is unreadable.
I would recommend reading different styles of writing to find something that works for you. Feel free the pm me if you need help finding something to read.
8/12/2015 c1 Killer Kane
Well, then, i guess I'm the first ome to review.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service