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for A Game of Shogi between the Gods

12/24/2018 c1 suchetharaj
This will be a decent story when you remove the expositions and the internal monologue along with getting a beta.
2/27/2018 c2 brutusjr
All this "God" stuff is getting a bit over the top. Hopefully, you start getting away from beating us over the head with it soon.
1/7/2017 c4 Guest
Inspired by ASoIaF? I tried my hardest to follow these oc's but ended up skipping through the fight scenes, let's hope the story doesn't have too many oc's and supernatural creatures. I hope the focus will be on naruto.
8/3/2016 c20 16Wyrtha
This is a phenomenal story. I like that Naruto is so far not showing his hand to the village. I got to admit I am curious as to how Naruto will deal with Sasuke, but how Hinata has seemed in class. I mean she's a different stronger girl now so I am wondering if that is showing in the classroom or if she's acting like Naruto.

I am also curious as to if Yakumo/Choji will get included next year and whom else the duo have their eyes on either in the village or perhaps they've started looking outside?

BTW I'm surprised on his trips Naruto has yet to find the Uzumaki temple. I think he's too fast in dismissing the Uzumaki clan but I guess none of them are yet knowledgeable enough to know too much about them.

I was also surprised that they didn't use the Uchiha tragedy to to make use to the vast stores of knowledge the Uchiha had accumulated not to mention all the stuff Naruto could have nicked ... though I supposed he could still do that. Actually he could go around to other clan compounds/buildings of lost clans since it seems the Uchiha are only the latest to go extinct. I would think outside of the Uzumaki shrine that the Senju compound/home would be the next. And I'm guessing there is no home of the 4th for Naruto to seek.

Also, I know Yukimora is having him avoid Toads ... but perhaps their are other stronger Summons that all of them can use, but if not that's cool as well. I look forward to the next chapter.
7/26/2016 c20 Bipin
Loved the chapter

The exposition points were very well put together and understandable

One thing I have to criticize is that it is often unclear who is speaking which is sometimes confusing, other than that there were a lot of grammar errors.

Keep writing
7/21/2016 c7 Tenma Ryuhara
I have to say I'm impressed. The tone of the story so far as well as the detail leaves me speechless and waiting to read more. I like how you are taking actual time to deveolpe characters while at the same time staying on track with what you want done. I notice to many writers moving away from there goal to developed a character. I also like how you throw in characters from other anime and manga without making it obvious. I noticed norogami and spice and wolf so far. I look forward to seeing what else you have in store. Great work so far keep it up.
7/20/2016 c20 4mushy guillotine
Good to see you back dude.. .. Didn't read the chapter sorry. But I will and send you the review by pm.
7/11/2016 c5 brutusjr
Too many divergent story lines and plots to keep track of... I find myself skipping entire sections.
7/11/2016 c3 brutusjr
Good story so far, but I get kind of tired of everyone making Naruto appear dumb to further his own goals. Why not have him use his intelligence and appear smart regardless of what others think. I understand the concepts that everyone always throws out, but it gets a bit tedious.
Thanks
4/26/2016 c15 mushy guillotine
The story is getting better. But I see some change happening as the juices in Naruto's side of the story is running out.
The anbu scene was not good but I think I am partial to Life in Anbu and all others have been spilt for me.
4/22/2016 c13 mushy guillotine
The interaction has been been getting more and the information less which is the way to go. But still new characters just jump out of the woodwork left and right it is hard to keep track of them.
You have done a great job with Katsue. She can be the light to his bleary world.
4/22/2016 c9 mushy guillotine
Again you are just telling not showing. Taijutsu can't be learned through words alone. That style of teaching should be for genjutsu or sealing.
I am a black belt in Shotokan karate and believe me when I say there was never a lecture on the style.
You actually did the Katas then you were told what it was or were told to figure it out on your own. So in that way I think Jiraiya is a great teacher.
Nice decision on Tenten by the way. A few chapters back I rhughr Mikoto was gonna play a huge role. Is she gonna?
4/21/2016 c6 mushy guillotine
Firstly of all I am not very fond of the evil Hiruzen subgenre. I recently got to know there was even a evil Minato subgenre.
The reason is I honestly think for many years Hiruzen looked at Naruto as the solution to many of his life's problems. Yes he indoctrinated Naruto to become Hokage but only because he believed the lad could do so.
But that aside I think your story has real potential. Nothing of Hiruzen's motives are illogical.
The places where you have to really inprove is in the ergonomics.
Make it more enjoyable for the reader to read and he will find out what a real gem you have written.
4/21/2016 c5 mushy guillotine
About the magic issue I think there is magic in the atmoaphere in Naruverse as well. Remember Sage chakra.
Also man, please be merciful to the readers if you are gonna be so laden with OC and new information. Have a databook at the end amd cut short the paras and sentences. It may not seem like much but it helps a lot when you are reading something very new. If not you miss the train as the information overload was too much.
4/21/2016 c4 mushy guillotine
Never keep a fight scene more than five paras long if it happens in the same still as otherwise nobody reads it. Cut the scene into segments shown at different arenas or circumstances.
Also keep in mind the para size while writing a fight scene as reading a fight scene is more difficult than a dialogued one as we need to imagine the dynamics.
Keep it up anyways take my nagging with a pinch of salt.
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