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9/29/2016 c4 62Anna Lane
Aw poor dopey Andrew! And Starbucks again lol
9/29/2016 c2 Anna Lane
For some reason I thought Starbucks was a funny touch. I mean, I could see Siobhan turning up her nose at any shop that wasn't a specialty little gourmet cafe while Bridget thinking that it was so fancy so I thought it was accurate and a nice touch.
9/29/2016 c1 Anna Lane
Looking forward to seeing if this becomes a love triangle type situation :)
5/30/2015 c4 Guest
This is a shame there aren't more stories with Victor/Bridget, but I love yours ! Hope to read the next chapter soon !
3/11/2015 c3 49Quirky Del
Haha, I love the "this is not a pick up line, but..." That was great. I also like how you talk about Machado's struggle with Bridget's identity theft, which I think would be a very big issue for him. Great job! I've followed this story, so if you add to it, I'll be back! :)

Cheers!
Del
3/11/2015 c2 Quirky Del
Hi again! Yes, I like that Bridget and Machado are already interacting with each other. I also like the little teasers you're putting in for a romantic relationship between the two. I think you have a fun idea, and nice movement in the story. Again, technicalities are really all you need to work on to make this a great story. There's a few words you used where I think you meant to say something else. For instance, "So much tropic for finished." - I'm not sure if you meant "topic" but even that wouldn't be grammatically correct. Maybe you could say something like "So much for finished business" or "So much for closure" or something to that affect. Sentence structure and paragraph structure are your weaknesses, pacing is your strength. :)

Cheers,
Del
3/11/2015 c1 Quirky Del
Oh, I love Machado so much, so I'm already predisposed to like any story about him! I watched Ringer when it was originally on, and I just rewatched it again. I came on here hoping to find a Machado story, so this is awesome! I like your beginning recap. Some constructive criticism: try to stick to one point of view during your story, at least only one per chapter. When you go from Bridget's POV to Andrew's, it's a bit jarring. It would work better if you just stick with Bridget here, and let readers guess or interpret Andrew's feelings through Bridget's own POV of the story. Do you know what I mean? Also, try to put your sentences in paragraphs rather than letting them float by themselves. For instance, your beginning should be in paragraph from, like this:

Bridget Kelly stood next to her brother-in-law. She was now ready to tell the truth. After a long time. It was difficult for them. How often Bridget thought they should tell him the truth- only she didn't dare. Because of Macawi. Her heart was beating into her throat. Bridget didn't know how to say it, it was incredibly hard, for the fear their hands were ice-cold. With both hands she cupped them to warm up herself a bit.

She sighed and looked at the floor in embarrassment.

This wasn't an escape from him. He wanted to give her the time she needed to tell him it. No matter what it means. He swallowed, but said nothing. Andrew symbolized so much for Bridget. In recent months he has been her life. It was so wrong! He was the man of her lost sister. Now she swallowed. Bridget watched him very closely. She looked up and watched Andrew, the twin loved the man's eyes. Thus, she found it so incredibly difficult to tell him the truth.

She thought. Should I really tell him? Is it mandatory to tell him? Andrew was getting impatient. What going here on? What's wrong with her? It was a Saturday morning. The two had breakfasts together. It was so nice. Have cleared together the kitchen and take the tableware machine on. And now the tension was palpable. Something indefinable was going on. He was afraid.

-

See how that works better? It's easier to follow and more pleasing to the eye. You can leave a sentence by itself if you want to emphasize it, like I did up there with "She sighed and looked at the floor in embarrassment." That's a trick that works well when you really want to spotlight something, draw attention to it. But that's the only time you want to leave one sentence as its own paragraph.

Anyway, I'm off to read the next chapter and I'm following your story! I hope you don't mind me leaving such a lengthy review! You've got good stuff going on here, it's really mostly technical stuff to work on that will make your story even that much better. :)

Cheers!
Del
5/11/2014 c1 6Amelie de Lorraine
Hi! Great story. Please read mine! I haven't gotten any reviews yet.
Thanks,
Amelie

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