for Naruto: The Paradox5/19/2014 c1 Guest
supert history
supert history
2/23/2014 c1 Guest
It's the "Next," guy again. To answer the Authors note, you should show Naruto going to one of the villains planets and beginning his training, followed by a time-skip to where he goes to another one of their places to do more training, then repeat.
It's the "Next," guy again. To answer the Authors note, you should show Naruto going to one of the villains planets and beginning his training, followed by a time-skip to where he goes to another one of their places to do more training, then repeat.
2/23/2014 c1 Guest
Hi again.
Next, the ending. Naruto absorbed Apocalypse and Darkseid. Why does it say they leave with the rest of the group? Did Naruto only absorb their power?
Hi again.
Next, the ending. Naruto absorbed Apocalypse and Darkseid. Why does it say they leave with the rest of the group? Did Naruto only absorb their power?
2/22/2014 c1 Guest
Some simple spelling mistakes are there as well, but again, easily fixable. Also, in the description, it says Naruto's family has returned to Konoha but they din't say anything. They need dialogue. And to actually appear. They aren't even said to be there when Naruto flips them the bird and leaves with all their chakra.
Some simple spelling mistakes are there as well, but again, easily fixable. Also, in the description, it says Naruto's family has returned to Konoha but they din't say anything. They need dialogue. And to actually appear. They aren't even said to be there when Naruto flips them the bird and leaves with all their chakra.
2/22/2014 c1 Guest
The plot has a potential rating of OVER 9000! But seriously you can go places with this. First you should add more detail to this. It starts out with Naruto learning he has family, but how? Did they show up in Konoha? Was he given a message from someone, or stole that message from someone else?
Next, why did all these villian's show up? Where they working together to kill superman again, and came to that planet to conquer it or something? Did they form an alliance just for the hell of it and went to the planet to conquer it or something? Or are they all just there to conquer it for THEMSELVES or something? Or did they do it for something involving someone?
Next, Darkseid and Apocalypse. How were they absorbed? And I looked at the DC wiki, and it only comes up with Apokilipse, the place Darkseid lives, so are you talking about Darkseids planet or a person from DC? Or a person from Marvel? And how were they absorbed by Naruto's eyes turning red? That didn't happen to anyone else when Naruto went kyuubi mode in any way.
Next, Maxima. Shouldn't she want to see if Naruto is worth her time first? I mean I don't know, I have played a few DC games, but I have only read a few comics, and none of them had her in them so I don't know her personality.
Next, the Sage of Six Paths. Why is he there? Has he escaped heaven (or hell) to do something? Did he never really die and has chosen to resurface now to do something? And what portal? Is he an ALIEN that never really died/escaped heaven (or hell) to come do something? And why just take the chakra from the Nations? Did they do something to piss him off, despite not knowing Naruto for more than twelve seconds? And only being back for 15?
Next, the Elemental Nations. What time is it? Is it before the war? Is it after or during? Is this before Naruto even entered the academy? And what are all the girls doing there? Are they about to try and rape Naruto or what?
Next, Naruto himself? What would be so special that everyone would be there, and how does he know who Granny is? (Does he even know, or is he just calling her that like he called Tsunade that?) Is he part Kryptonian somehow and has some alien resource to tell him this if he asks it about something that might relate to them? Is he part of a dying or not dying race that interests the villains? And whats his back story? Is it the now classic hated because of the kyuubi, scarred for life due to attacks on his person? Was he "raised" by Orichimaru and made part something?
And then what about his family, Minato Kushina and these little brothers and/or sisters he has? Aren't they supposed to be a critical plot point, mentioned in the very beginning of the story, even the very first line? Why so little dialogue?
If you were to add details to answer all these things, I have no doubt this could be one of the most interesting stories on the site!
The plot has a potential rating of OVER 9000! But seriously you can go places with this. First you should add more detail to this. It starts out with Naruto learning he has family, but how? Did they show up in Konoha? Was he given a message from someone, or stole that message from someone else?
Next, why did all these villian's show up? Where they working together to kill superman again, and came to that planet to conquer it or something? Did they form an alliance just for the hell of it and went to the planet to conquer it or something? Or are they all just there to conquer it for THEMSELVES or something? Or did they do it for something involving someone?
Next, Darkseid and Apocalypse. How were they absorbed? And I looked at the DC wiki, and it only comes up with Apokilipse, the place Darkseid lives, so are you talking about Darkseids planet or a person from DC? Or a person from Marvel? And how were they absorbed by Naruto's eyes turning red? That didn't happen to anyone else when Naruto went kyuubi mode in any way.
Next, Maxima. Shouldn't she want to see if Naruto is worth her time first? I mean I don't know, I have played a few DC games, but I have only read a few comics, and none of them had her in them so I don't know her personality.
Next, the Sage of Six Paths. Why is he there? Has he escaped heaven (or hell) to do something? Did he never really die and has chosen to resurface now to do something? And what portal? Is he an ALIEN that never really died/escaped heaven (or hell) to come do something? And why just take the chakra from the Nations? Did they do something to piss him off, despite not knowing Naruto for more than twelve seconds? And only being back for 15?
Next, the Elemental Nations. What time is it? Is it before the war? Is it after or during? Is this before Naruto even entered the academy? And what are all the girls doing there? Are they about to try and rape Naruto or what?
Next, Naruto himself? What would be so special that everyone would be there, and how does he know who Granny is? (Does he even know, or is he just calling her that like he called Tsunade that?) Is he part Kryptonian somehow and has some alien resource to tell him this if he asks it about something that might relate to them? Is he part of a dying or not dying race that interests the villains? And whats his back story? Is it the now classic hated because of the kyuubi, scarred for life due to attacks on his person? Was he "raised" by Orichimaru and made part something?
And then what about his family, Minato Kushina and these little brothers and/or sisters he has? Aren't they supposed to be a critical plot point, mentioned in the very beginning of the story, even the very first line? Why so little dialogue?
If you were to add details to answer all these things, I have no doubt this could be one of the most interesting stories on the site!
2/21/2014 c1 tt
fox.
fox.
2/21/2014 c1 
111mr grimjaw
ok this is good but sholuunt all the naruto chacters be dead they cant live with out charka but its still good and how will you exaplne then being alive with out it?
111mr grimjawok this is good but sholuunt all the naruto chacters be dead they cant live with out charka but its still good and how will you exaplne then being alive with out it?