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8/18/2020 c1 Guest
This is a bag of wank.
6/15/2019 c1 17Convergence-Eternal
A Sword art online and exalted cross over? Interesting idea. But I think your execution leaves something to be desired.

Now to be fair your work is heads and shoulders above the work of creators like me. But when I want to read an epic cross over, I'm not comparing the work to work like mine.

I think of the greats like TheGirlWhoLived or Sailor H or Hammerhand.

And i hate to say it mate, but you've got a long way to go before you can communicate the sweeping sense of scope that separates the good from the great.


Lets take a closer look at your work. And break down some of your strengths and your weaknesses.

I'll give you props on your attention to detail. Your use of time " the server would open at 12:25 am, less that 5 minutes form now" , helps to ground the reader into the setting.

Also I like you were able to convey the Gamer aspect of Kirito. How he'd be the exact kind of bloke that would try to sign in at the first possible moment.

It adds a sense of authenticity to the character.

I can only assume that you yourself must be a gamer. So you can lean on your own personal experience to create a more fleshed out Kirito.


As the story goes on your writing remains serviceable. It keeps the reader relatively engaged without over taxing them.

Not a bad writing approach. But it mainly works well when they story has interesting concepts or the reader is huge fan of the series you are covering.

I'm not the biggest fan of SAO. However, I was never bored while reading this story. So good job on that.


Descriptions are good, but your dialogue between characters is stale as card board. You're maintaining the readers suspension of disbelief. But you NEED to work on that dialogue Man.

again, your story has good internal consistency. You're paying attention to the details but its clear that your story telling could use a bit of practice. - Okay, here's the thing. You want to know why stories with some internal problems like say Renegade or Sailor H get so popular? Because they have a kind of magic and spark that lets your average reader really dive in. - You, on the other hand, you're like an architect. You've built a house but the walls are still so bare. I admire the structure. And its great for a first attempt. But it needs some finishing work. It needs a nicer coat of pain, and maybe some attention to the rougher bits. - Keep on writing. Keep improving. WORK ON THAT DIALOGUE
8/4/2015 c1 biofan09
I know this hasn't been updated in a year, but I've still got a lot to say.

First, wow, Kayaba must have spent ages making ExO, Creation is massively bigger than all of Aincrad. he probably spend a lot of time on Cardinal just so it could write most of the code for him, That explains the improved NPCs that are now borderline AIs (which makes me want to see Eugeo and Strea).

If the time dilation is the same as it was on Beta (1month5 years), then it's only been 2 days IRL. If it takes them as long to finish the game as it did canon then that's 120 years (Old enough o hit essence 6, yay!). The psychological impact of this death game is going o be so much worse than canon.

Cardinal might make brilliant NPCs, but it's terrible at adapting quests to the player's power level. No Beggar, no matter how desperate, is going to try and attack a frigging Terrestrial. On the other extreme, a single heroic mortal would never warrant a whole perfect Terrestrial circle.

Kataba, you are a fucking Troll, not even telling player's how to finish the game. It's going to be Killing TED after the event of Return of the Scarlet Empress, isn't it? Or maybe establishing new Solat Golden Age? Hell, it might last until a Sidereal snaps and turns everybody in the world into ducks.

I want Kirito to Exalt as a Solar so bad, but only Abyssals let him keep black as his signature colour. Oh well, a redemption meta plot would be interesting to see. Kinda disappointed that there were no mentions of Alchemicals though.
11/9/2014 c1 Hypothetical Spiritual Entity
This is better than I expected. Very much so. I particularly like how willing you are to break away from canon, especially since Exalted's mechanics (which include charisma, politics, etc.) would not fit in with Aincrad's floor-system. The inclusion of characters that canonically don't appear until Kayaba is dead add the potential for very interesting interactions and character development as well. Though, imagine this must make the process much harder, having to build the storyline more or less from scratch instead of taking canon as a base and deciding what you want to change... I'm guessing Kayaba not explaining the escape method and the time-compression feature mentioned are going to help you with that. I look forward to more.
5/2/2014 c1 5Orchamus
Seriously awesome, I love the idea of Exalted taking the place of SAO, so much more involved for a lot of the Game, very in depth, and the time dilation aspect is cool, it means while the game could take 2 years on the outside, it might take a decade in game.
3/17/2014 c1 36Vahn
It is an intresting start, I look forward to where you will be taking this story in general. This will follow the SAO with a Exalted paint coating or actually different. :) Keep up the good work.
3/7/2014 c1 6Thespurgin
promising, albeit with minor errors like "your" instead of "you're" and the like. I think an accompanying map of creation might help those with less knowledge of the setting as well. Looking forward to more of this one.
2/22/2014 c1 zac
More must have more
2/21/2014 c1 3code R.R
wow...also I'm happy we hasn't exalted right away

I like the explanation on how things work here

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