
2/28/2014 c1 A
Very intruiging. Cant wait to see where this goes.
Very intruiging. Cant wait to see where this goes.
2/28/2014 c1 Kinunatzs The Eternal
Interesting so Shirou would be at least Servant Level when the HGW starts?
I know that the HSDK-verse has strong peoples but try to balance it with the Nasu-verse
Anyway nice start
Interesting so Shirou would be at least Servant Level when the HGW starts?
I know that the HSDK-verse has strong peoples but try to balance it with the Nasu-verse
Anyway nice start
2/28/2014 c1 BieberLover69
I now shudder at the thought of a Ryozanpaku-trained EMIYA who had given in to Satsujinken. Damn I hope to see more.
I now shudder at the thought of a Ryozanpaku-trained EMIYA who had given in to Satsujinken. Damn I hope to see more.
2/28/2014 c1 Piterio
This is the second favorite crossover like this that I read. There is though three interesting stories like this but the first crossover have Shirou turn into something...dark and unpleasant. Plus the war itself was ridiculous to me.
As for this one it have so many great moments but some thing I consider could have been improved. Kiritsugu is not a good teacher but the reason for Shirou bad training was his lack of desire to teach him in the first place, though it absolutely possible that he learns of his circuits so no problem with this one.
What I consider odd is how Shirou executed things. It's kind of odd but considering it might have been "true steel" and Shigure level of mastery that affected him strongly it's understandable.
Kiritsugu worrying about Shirou origin is true but he himself never wanted to find out it in the first place.
Shirou and Shigure instant befriending is also believable though I highly doubt he could sense weapons on her. It' the whole another level than what he have. So only eyesight alone(since he and Archer have it so good). But I don't saying that with the training he won't learn to sense it.
Also Shigure and Taiga are not similar at all. I don't know what level of skill you imagining for her(but considering the fact she could be the Japan Champions in Kendo it may be expert) but they personalities so different they might as well be considered the opposites of each other.
Now relationship with Magus and Masters. You better address it. Master of the highest caliber may be able to fight low or middle level servant(not easy win, but since Arturia, Gil and most of Grail war servant are high level they might have some chances if they skill would be considered something that can damage the servant) so they power mages should be aware of.
I don't say all of them just some but Elder, Akisame and Kensei should know of magic. Likewise mage should know of some master. For one thing I was sure that Kiritsugu should know of Elder since he is a power not to be trifled with. Also since Sasaki have ties with Americans government and some others he may know or be able to find out of Kiritsugu past. Well I get far of topic but point is Maguses and Master are aware of each other. Not seriously just in some cases but they do though they worlds are so apart they don't interact with each other much(though some master may be employed by clock tower to hunt some sealing designates).
Also since you fusing universes there are character who may become... not masters but expert definetly definitely. Kirei(Kensei may know of him considering what style he uses), Taiga(probably) and Bazett(a perfect example of magus and...expert martial artist fuse) are definitely experts. Kuzuki is a master. And Rin High-Level discipline. For that case Sasaki Kojirou is also a master who became servant(well a master who had the same skills that Kojirou were said to have). That's speak of the power that masters have. It's not enough to equal high level servant but it still great.
...I know that I talked a lot and it's like I tell you what to do with your story. You are fully free to ignore it. I myself only say that despite this moments I consider your story something really interesting and promising so I look forward to next chapter of it.
This is the second favorite crossover like this that I read. There is though three interesting stories like this but the first crossover have Shirou turn into something...dark and unpleasant. Plus the war itself was ridiculous to me.
As for this one it have so many great moments but some thing I consider could have been improved. Kiritsugu is not a good teacher but the reason for Shirou bad training was his lack of desire to teach him in the first place, though it absolutely possible that he learns of his circuits so no problem with this one.
What I consider odd is how Shirou executed things. It's kind of odd but considering it might have been "true steel" and Shigure level of mastery that affected him strongly it's understandable.
Kiritsugu worrying about Shirou origin is true but he himself never wanted to find out it in the first place.
Shirou and Shigure instant befriending is also believable though I highly doubt he could sense weapons on her. It' the whole another level than what he have. So only eyesight alone(since he and Archer have it so good). But I don't saying that with the training he won't learn to sense it.
Also Shigure and Taiga are not similar at all. I don't know what level of skill you imagining for her(but considering the fact she could be the Japan Champions in Kendo it may be expert) but they personalities so different they might as well be considered the opposites of each other.
Now relationship with Magus and Masters. You better address it. Master of the highest caliber may be able to fight low or middle level servant(not easy win, but since Arturia, Gil and most of Grail war servant are high level they might have some chances if they skill would be considered something that can damage the servant) so they power mages should be aware of.
I don't say all of them just some but Elder, Akisame and Kensei should know of magic. Likewise mage should know of some master. For one thing I was sure that Kiritsugu should know of Elder since he is a power not to be trifled with. Also since Sasaki have ties with Americans government and some others he may know or be able to find out of Kiritsugu past. Well I get far of topic but point is Maguses and Master are aware of each other. Not seriously just in some cases but they do though they worlds are so apart they don't interact with each other much(though some master may be employed by clock tower to hunt some sealing designates).
Also since you fusing universes there are character who may become... not masters but expert definetly definitely. Kirei(Kensei may know of him considering what style he uses), Taiga(probably) and Bazett(a perfect example of magus and...expert martial artist fuse) are definitely experts. Kuzuki is a master. And Rin High-Level discipline. For that case Sasaki Kojirou is also a master who became servant(well a master who had the same skills that Kojirou were said to have). That's speak of the power that masters have. It's not enough to equal high level servant but it still great.
...I know that I talked a lot and it's like I tell you what to do with your story. You are fully free to ignore it. I myself only say that despite this moments I consider your story something really interesting and promising so I look forward to next chapter of it.
2/28/2014 c1 Guest
Lol when I read over apachai's description I immediately compared him to Emiya-archer.
Both have tanned skin and white hair ad are tall and muscular Lolz when shiro-kun grows up Lolz they'll be brothers.. Ahahaha man
Nice story buildup so far.
Lol when I read over apachai's description I immediately compared him to Emiya-archer.
Both have tanned skin and white hair ad are tall and muscular Lolz when shiro-kun grows up Lolz they'll be brothers.. Ahahaha man
Nice story buildup so far.
2/28/2014 c1
1Kreyn
No problems thus far, story seems to play well in accordance to rules from both TM and HSDK, more in former than latter, but it's understandable since latter didn't start in finest yet.
Having Shirou sympathize with blades at this point to stir up this commotion was good touch... likewise the... "interaction" of Shirou and Shigure (funny how their names match), having those two form bond seems interesting :)
Lol on Kiritsugu comparing Hayato to Iskanger and even greater lol on Kiritsugu being worried about Shirou's safety in "different way :)
It starts really interesting I REALLY hope you will continue this story.

No problems thus far, story seems to play well in accordance to rules from both TM and HSDK, more in former than latter, but it's understandable since latter didn't start in finest yet.
Having Shirou sympathize with blades at this point to stir up this commotion was good touch... likewise the... "interaction" of Shirou and Shigure (funny how their names match), having those two form bond seems interesting :)
Lol on Kiritsugu comparing Hayato to Iskanger and even greater lol on Kiritsugu being worried about Shirou's safety in "different way :)
It starts really interesting I REALLY hope you will continue this story.
2/28/2014 c1 overlord7
awesome chapter. I am especially interested in the interaction between Shigure and Shirou. please keep working on this.
awesome chapter. I am especially interested in the interaction between Shigure and Shirou. please keep working on this.