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for Angels of Babylon

2/9/2016 c1 8denise3
Wow! Excellent beginning, great characters, thrilling plot. I kept rooting for the two Narns, hoping they'd escape but alas that wasn't to be.
Just one thing, I'm not sure but destroying the propulsion system would doom the ship to be lost in the hyperspace. At least in Babylon 5 universe, because it'd drift away from the travel lanes. The chapter was extremely dramatic and gripping. But, for the angel, it's have been better to simply hide until they arrived at their destination.
I hope you'll continue this. I'd be very interested in it. Thanks!
10/26/2014 c1 29Edhla
Hi! Just as an FYI, I'm unfortunately canon blind as to Babylon 5, and only marginally acquainted with Doctor Who.

This has no bearing whatsoever on your actual writing, but I'm now curious as to how "G'Skai" and "G'Sten" are pronounced!

While being a little bit lost as to the details of the ship and the new planet (canon blindness, not anything to do with the quality of your writing!) what really tugged at me in the opening sequence is the relationship between father and son, and how you bring out the characters of each in the way that they interact. G'Skai strikes me as a strict father (I wouldn't call asking where they were a breach of manners, but then, this is not my culture!) and the book is bright and inquisitive.

I really liked G'Skai's thoughts about the race that could have simply left the area instead of becoming exitinct as "humans" always assume. It reminded me of theories about the Roanoke colony and Easter Island, and was very well observed.

[enjoy disciplining the boy] I'm a little confused by the main thrust of this comment, as it implies G'Skai is so hard on his son because he finds pleasure in punishing him.

I'm not sure if it's canon, but "citizen" gives a lot of information about the culture of the people who arrested G'Skai, even if it's a little French Revolution. I was slightly put off by the discussion of race and whether that contributed to G'Skai's arrest... while race is a factor in that kind of thing, the discussion seemed to come out of nowhere and burn out just as abruptly.

While G'Skai's anger at being (as he feels) profiled and unfairly accused of murder is understandable, I would perhaps look at his dialogue during this scene. Of course, the only thing he'd reasonably want to say is "I did not kill that Centauri, this is outrageous" etc, but he does so several times, all at a shouting volume. It's a little one-note, so I'd perhaps look at more unusual but in-character ways he could react to the accusation.

I was a little surprised at the shift to "no, actually, the Centauri starved to death ages ago", but it does bring the narrative into a more plot-focused place and your description of the corpse was really good. :)

["I am sorry for dragging you out, Father!"] This gave me pause because it's so stiff - no contract for "I'm sorry", and the formal address of "Father." It's in stark conrtast to the conversation of most of the adults, which is fairly modern and casual, and doesn't sound like something an "ordinary" boy would say. Of course, again, this could be culture and character, but I'm just struck by how different his speech is to his father's.

Now I don't know a whole load about Doctor Who, but I DO KNOW ABOUT THE WEEPING ANGELS. MOTHER OF MERCY. I really liked that ending... it was quietly ominous.

This was a very long chapter and progressed through a number of plot points, and I can't help wonder if it might play more effectively if split into two or even three parts - the part up until the arrest, the interrogation and the examination of the Centauri, and then the escape. Up to you, of course. I enjoyed this, thank you for writing x
3/7/2014 c1 Otakki
Wow, this is awesome. You made it really creepy in a good way. And I'm not easily afraid. I'm also not good at writing reviews but I've been looking for good Babylon 5/Doctor Who crossovers and I just wanted to say that please write more, I'll totally read it.

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