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10/17/2018 c12 metadee
I feel that not enough people are actually giving authors constructive criticism when it comes to this story, so I will do that right now.

First what I liked about this story so far:

The plot is very creative and interesting. If well executed, (and some parts are, don't get me wrong) this could've been a damn EXCELLENT story.

The first chapter is great. It could've used a little more description, but it's still great. It sets the "tone" (I will get back to that) of the story, and you are hooked, although you aren't really sure of what's going on, which is intentional. You HATE the torturers of Meta Knight, who both physically and psychologically torture him.

Some of the OCs. I think Vee is an interesting character so far, and Popon was pretty funny.

Some of the ideas brought up in this story are interesting.

The humor in this story was good.

The AU itself is interesting.

Now, here comes my criticisms. Before I continue, the reason why I am criticizing you is because I want to you improve. I don't even think this story is bad. Your plot ideas are very interesting, and I still want you to write stories with unique plots, but they need to be well executed. Let me explain:

Sometimes, the characters don't feel real. For example, when it is revealed that Meta Knight is going to die in three weeks, sure, he yells at Furino, but then just acts normally. Do you really think that's how someone reacts when they realize they're going to die soon?

The story has a severe lack of description. For example, in the auditorium scene, the reader only knows what the stage looks like. That's it! Also, If you want your stories to be immersive, there's got to be description in it. A LOT of it. Trust me, it's tedious writing a lot of description. However, it's worth it, because the reader will know exactly what a scene looks like. Also, if a scene is well-described, it is easier to do things like build tension, or write some relationships between characters.

Remember when I talked about the "tone" of the story? Well, there was a reason why I put quotation marks on that word. That's because after reading this story, I didn't know what tone the story was going for. It's perfectly okay to sprinkle some comedy in a serious drama or horror story, and vice versa. However, I don't know if this was supposed to be a funny comedy or a serious prison drama. For example, there were characters like Popon, who was there for comic relief (which is fine). When Popon is in a scene, it's usually a funny scene. But a few chapters later, he gets executed, and the story becomes incredibly serious again.

The story gets kinda boring, and the reader loses interest. I stopped reading at chapter 12.

Let’s talk about OCs now. I didn’t mind the quantity of OCs in the story. In fact, I encourage writing OCs, especially if they're complex and well-written. However, I have a pretty strong feeling that the OCs in this story could have benefited off of better writing. Keep writing OCs, but that writing’s gotta improve.

Final thoughts: While the plot was interesting, and the execution of the first chapter was great, everything else seemed to be kind of rushed. Don't get me wrong, this story is NOT bad, it's actually okay, but I strongly believe that this story could have been better if you just tried a little bit harder. Here's my advice:

Write description. LOTS of description. If it takes a whole chapter or even multiple chapters to describe something, do it.

Write the characters better and make them feel real. Think about what a person would actually do or think about in the situation that you're putting them in.

It's fine to add a little humor here in there in a serious story, and vice versa, but it's important to know the tone of your story.

Make the story captivating and keep the reader interested in what's going on.

I know I sound incredibly critical, but the reason why I'm posting this review isn't to make you feel bad. I really want to read your future stories (and I know this is an old story) and if you follow my advice that I have written above, I believe that you can become a great writer. And, I think I know why the story seemed rushed. I know you really care about having a consistent posting schedule, and you apologize when you post something late, but my advice to that is: don't care about that. I haven't posted a story in MONTHS because I'm working on one long story. However, I take my time writing the story so that my friends and family could read it so they could give me advice or correct my work. Qualityquantity, so if you post something after months of inactivity, but if it's an excellent story, your readers won't care. I really look forward to what you can write next, and I will definitely keep reading your stories. This is a critical review but I really hope that you can improve your stories from this.

I'm giving this story a 6/10.
1/27/2017 c14 DAYLIGHT0401
Heeheehee Prince of demons... looks like the other demon beasts don't really like Nightmare either? Even Kirby didn't want to deal with him because he's not getting anywhere, heartaches for Nightmare lol.
But it looks like Meta's mother is the former owner of Galaxia, if that's right... does it mean Meta is still half star warrior?
1/25/2017 c14 3Nashew
Oh hey, this is still a thing. Nice!
12/31/2016 c13 DAYLIGHT0401
I love your stories! I can see how Meta is changing in his character and I'd love to see more! Is he gonna get along with the star warriors? Is Popon really dead... waiting for update (。•ω•。)ノ
1/17/2016 c13 Nashew
I do not even remember who Popon is.

Cue Meta Knight freaking out.
12/16/2015 c13 40Destiny Willowleaf
I still am! I like reading things over and over again and this story is still interesting!
Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but are Galaxia's abilities being referenced in the title?
11/25/2015 c12 Anonymous
Please write more! What happened to Galaxia? Did he put it in the chest? Or did hhe bring it to his cell (which would practically mean suicide cuz of the clear walls)?
9/2/2015 c12 3Nashew
Yay for characters not being dead.
9/2/2015 c11 Nashew
Y'know, the OC thing is kinda why I don't update any of my stories anymore. I don't know. They work here I think, but eh.

Also shhh I'm not late reading this at all.
8/20/2015 c11 zodiacblue
4/5/2015 c10 Nashew
Popon is dead. Dun dun duuuuuuuun.
10/25/2014 c9 Nashew
Saw that coming. Yikes.
10/18/2014 c8 Nashew
This is a very weird version of Kirby...
8/12/2014 c7 Nashew
Well then. That sure was Kirby.
6/20/2014 c6 Nashew
Kirby! :D
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