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for Leaving Rivendell

1/6/2015 c1 2Dragonwing Writer
Is it sadistic at all that the part I found to be the most funny was "we're just taking our hobbit for a walk"?
I enjoyed the story and hopefully laughed at the right places. Watching the movie one does wonder what exactly went on with the characters in the events leading up to leaving Rivendell.
Although when reading I misread Balin's line "Alright, laddie?" as "Alright, ladies?". I thought that it seemed a tad odd for a thing he'd say. But I quickly reread an figured out where I had gone wrong.
You depicted Fili and Kili well. Not, shall we say, "gentlemanly" but not downright jerky. But don't worry Bilbo, you'll get the last laugh.
Or is that even more sadistic?
1/5/2015 c1 2Citty L. Summer
Review to: Leaving Rivendell
The summary intrigued me – and I immediately wanted an answer to the questions you raised – so job well done on that!
The way you described Rivendell in the beginning was not only canon, but awesomely tied to characterising Bilbo at the same time, and I could picture the little hobbit stuttering to the elf, looking around amazed perfectly.
There were also a few sentences that made me chuckle, to give two examples: “He’d just pulled out his comb to begin grooming his feet” or “Stepping away from them, he straightened his jacket with as much dignity as he could muster.”
These go along with the excellent job you did on Bilbo’s characterisation – the passage about what’s “respectable” for instance, but really basically everything else, too.
However, I thought you were a little off with his dialogue sometimes. When Kili/Fili comes to get him, Bilbo’s speech is often very short – maybe I am off here, but I thought he’d rather speak in longer sentences, which you captured well in other parts. Just in this scene the use of “But why?”, “Why not?”, and “Why is that?” seemed a little off character and made me wonder.
Apart from that, Kili and Fili were spot on – but most of I thought you nailed Balin on the head with “Balin gave him a look as close to a glare as his gentle eyes could get” and all his dialogue.
As far as formality goes, I’d change “From here, he could see…” in paragraph four to “From there” and put a comma in the one after, “to sleep in by himself(,) and luxuriate...”.
Your writing style fit the atmosphere of Rivendell well, and about the ending:
“I tried to capture the feeling behind that moment. I knew it wouldn't have been easy dragging Bilbo out of there” – mission accomplished!
Thank you for that very well written look into Bilbo’s reluctant departure of Rivendell! Keep it up!
(I hope you don’t mind that I picked this piece instead of your Beta’s – I just have no clue about Frozen and really wanted to read yours after I read the summary.)
7/27/2014 c1 1Kayla2175
Opening: The opening was good. It showed the setting, who he was with, and showed his feelings of the journey so far. That made it funnier when he was told they were leaving and he realized he would never get his bath!

Characters: You seem to have gotten Bilbo's character spot on. From my knowledge he acts just like him from the book.

Spelling/Grammar: There were few spelling and grammar mistakes that I saw which makes it easier to read and understand the story.

Plot: You have a nice story here with plenty of action and tense moments to keep the reader hooked. The bath scene was incredibly funny.

Pace: The pace was perfect to me; you didn't move from one thing to the other too fast or too slow.

Other: Overall, it was a great read. You did a great job on not straying too far into the realm of "that's never going to happen" which makes it easier to understand.
4/16/2014 c1 49Lennelle
I enjoyed this! I love how bilbo mixed up fili and kili's names :)
3/25/2014 c1 3Lady Nyan
There’s actually a lot to say about this story!

First, nitpicks:

[“…Master Elrond is not exactly privy to our plans as yet.”] I think you mean ‘as of yet’, instead :3

I thoroughly enjoyed your story. It’s well written, spunky, the characters seem true to canon, the pacing was easy to follow… Overall, you have a good thing here. However, there were a few instances where the prose itself seemed a tad off. This is mostly due to the fact that while you’re trying to adapt Tolkien’s style, there are a few formalities within the narration that could be better managed. An example of this is the description of Bilbo’s thoughts within the parenthesis in the second paragraph:

[“…(or whatever you called royal servants).”]

Now, it’s perfectly alright to adapt modern speech to medieval scenarios, but these kind of examples can bring a poor light on characterization. Mostly, this also runs on the opposite direction that is Tolkien’s prose. Bilbo would never refer to elves in this manner; remember that he’s a gentle hobbit and remarkably eloquent at that. Also, he’s been fascinated with elves for a long time, so he’d have the utmost respect for them. Given the present situation, I’d say he’d be thankful of his host. That particular example could also be considered as rude and I doubt Bilbo would be anything but.

Nitpicks over, my kudos for an enjoyable characterization for the Durins and most of the company. I wasn’t expecting Kili’s plan at the end, but I do understand Bilbo’s hesitance in leaving Rivendell: he feels safe, pampered and comfortable. Also, the elves show an interest about his wellbeing and the same can’t be said for most of the dwarves at this time. Thorin’s being a tad nasty, but that’s to be expected. Bilbo’s still in that part of his journey where his personal growth is slowly progressing.

Quite liked the banter between Bilbo and Kili; I also feel his pain when Kili says a few nasty things to him, even if it’s to defend his uncle. Sometimes I think dwarves were absent when their Maker was passing out common sense (or maybe a more basic degree of empathy?). Still, Bilbo’s a good guy, he didn’t get to annoyed.

The bath scene, eheh :P There sure was a lot of tension in this story!

Hope this helped!
3/25/2014 c1 5vampyfreak
I liked the fic
3/24/2014 c1 jaymzNonoel
That was HILARIOUS! D You got Fili, Kili, and Bilbo's personalities down perfect in my opinion! -
Keep up the good work! ;)

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