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for New Girl

6/3/2015 c2 megan
4/30/2014 c1 Guest
Whoa, you're moving really fast...
4/13/2014 c2 Guest
I'm sorry but this is like the banner story for awful "after the war everyone discovers that percy has a twin sister he never even knew about" cliches. I know this is fanfiction and you're allowed to make things up, but have you ever even read the books? (ok. That's a bit harsh, I guess). For one thing, the gods,(and titans)would have realized she existed before then, because THEY'RE GODS, and they know what's going on. (Poseidon at least) for another thing sally would never, ever just leave her child on the streets or give her child away. Okay? Ever. In case you haven't noticed, shes nothing like that. At all. She really cares about percy (and children in general) Also, Annabeth loves Percy and yeah she did get jealous of other girls around him, but not his SISTER. (besides she was only jealous of Rachel and Percy because he didn't notice her feelings for him, and now they're dating her jealousy has died down in general, I'm guessing because THEY'RE FINALLY DATING. and she knows he loves her as much as she loves him). Annabeths not some crazy clingy dependant girlfriend. She's independent, and even if this whole 'percy has a twin sister' scenario was at all possible, she isn't going to go all possessive and jealous because (and I know I've stressed this lots of times) she's his SISTER. Annabeth doesn't need to be around him all the time, and she's really not that insecure (or whiny). Seriously, this could be a decent story if the characters (mainly Annabeth and Sally) weren't so mind numbingly OOC. I understand it's hard to get them on character, but please try harder.
I know this is a harsh review, but its not meant to be flame. Its just really annoying, and the points I've made will help your story become popular and give you more insight into how to capture the characters better and just improve.
I don't mean to hurt your feelings, but what I'm saying is true.
That doesn't mean you aren't a good writer. Frankly its just the storyline that's holding you back. It's quite overused so its hard to pull off well (even for the best authors out there). It's not completely your fault- the plot just won't be able to help you reach your full potential.
(i know I sound really rude, but if I was just reviewing for the sake of being mean, then I really wouldnt have spent so long typing this out. I know I'm being harsh, but I' to be helpful too)
4/3/2014 c1 5LittleDarkHood
Cute, but Annabeth doesn't seem jealous.
3/26/2014 c1 4GoodKnight Studios
Please update
3/26/2014 c1 1o'fangirllove1'o
Please Continue! I love it so far!

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