for Morning After6/27/2020 c1 Guest
Just rereading this because it amused me so much but I also have a question did they use protection? So what exactly are the results love to see what you can do with that will we have mommy and daddy lol
Just rereading this because it amused me so much but I also have a question did they use protection? So what exactly are the results love to see what you can do with that will we have mommy and daddy lol
11/21/2019 c1 Guest
Okay. That's great. But i want everything else... The before, the after the morning after... Everything ! And some... It's great, please. Kisses mimagfan
Okay. That's great. But i want everything else... The before, the after the morning after... Everything ! And some... It's great, please. Kisses mimagfan
11/6/2016 c1 Guest
Cute. I liked Ren's joke at the end but felt a little unsatisfied with the ending . There are oneshots where it is ends perfectly yet leaves the reader wanting more and there are oneshots where ending doesn't seem to sit well and you want more. Unfortunately, for me this was the latter. I really liked the story just didn't quite feel like this was a finished oneshot.
Your writing's fine. Only a few typos for the most part and they're not very distracting. Since it sounds like you're interested in suggestions to improve/edit your work, FYI below.
- unconSciously draping it around her body (not unconciously).
- space after "He should have asked her to dress more appropriately." and the next sentence.
- Italics shouldn't be used in above sentence and also for "that face" as they're not his unvoiced thoughts (eg "I should have asked her to dress more appropriately" his direct thoughts can be in italics) but simply in Ren's POV in third person like the rest.
I'd love to read your multi-chaptered fic and look forward to it. I personally much prefer long chaptered pieces than shorter ones anyway. Thanks for sharing.
Cute. I liked Ren's joke at the end but felt a little unsatisfied with the ending . There are oneshots where it is ends perfectly yet leaves the reader wanting more and there are oneshots where ending doesn't seem to sit well and you want more. Unfortunately, for me this was the latter. I really liked the story just didn't quite feel like this was a finished oneshot.
Your writing's fine. Only a few typos for the most part and they're not very distracting. Since it sounds like you're interested in suggestions to improve/edit your work, FYI below.
- unconSciously draping it around her body (not unconciously).
- space after "He should have asked her to dress more appropriately." and the next sentence.
- Italics shouldn't be used in above sentence and also for "that face" as they're not his unvoiced thoughts (eg "I should have asked her to dress more appropriately" his direct thoughts can be in italics) but simply in Ren's POV in third person like the rest.
I'd love to read your multi-chaptered fic and look forward to it. I personally much prefer long chaptered pieces than shorter ones anyway. Thanks for sharing.
6/29/2014 c1 
3monkey kix ass
lmao! oh, i loved that last line. totally enjoyed reading your little one shot. thanks for sharing your work.
3monkey kix asslmao! oh, i loved that last line. totally enjoyed reading your little one shot. thanks for sharing your work.
3/28/2014 c1 Guest
I like it.
I like it.
3/27/2014 c1 Guest
I completely loved it and his teasing her ( you dream of these things to hu kyoko) hilarious great job continue on I know y stated its to be a one shot but I believe you have more n your mistakes make you better love it
I completely loved it and his teasing her ( you dream of these things to hu kyoko) hilarious great job continue on I know y stated its to be a one shot but I believe you have more n your mistakes make you better love it