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3/1/2015 c1 1OnyxSpell
That's cute
12/22/2014 c1 MickeyMauser
Can you continue please.
11/23/2014 c1 Nalu luver
you really need to finish this or do another one cause this one was really good!
4/23/2014 c1 DragonGirl2005
me likey!
3/28/2014 c1 Person
Suggestions:

Separate your text, it is visually unappealing and difficult to read as it is a giant block of words. Use paragraphs and start new ones when a character begins to speak.

Example:
-
They walked to the store to buy food for dinner. On the road, they came across a familiar person.
"What are you doing here?" She asked, surprised.
"Did 'ya miss me?" He replied with a smile.
-
Also, don't switch perspectives that often. You're abusing your power to change who's point of view you're seeing.

Good luck in the future! :)
3/28/2014 c1 Guest
Too hard to read use paragraphs

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