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for Start of a New Day

6/26/2016 c1 Guest
Go Trump. Gun control or pest control..hmm let me think...
I know lets let ISIS gun the fucking lot of you down.
Allahu Akbar
6/13/2016 c1 Guest
You're no brony and you sure as hell are no writer.
6/13/2016 c1 Guest
bad writer that is of this fanfiction unkind words need to be gone now
9/23/2014 c1 Guest
Story's pretty good, but ur profile pic is just creepy.
6/19/2014 c1 1Ambroisie-Seduisante
I'm reviewing as I read, so I apologize if it seems a bit jumpy.

* Loneliness and isolation are synonymous… However I appreciate that you are probably doing this as emphasis.

* Strong description of Equestria; it's quite revocatory of that warmth and happiness

* The second sentence is a bit long-winded

* Again, Luna's mind and subconscious are synonymous; the emphasis is a bit unnecessary here. Maybe a rewording is called for?

* Small typos: convienantly should be conveniently; tumbiling should be tumbling

* You definitely catch my attention when you point out the age discrepancy; my initial thought is "how could a romantic relationship possibly work between someone who is young and someone who is old?" It leaves the reader interested in seeing how the relationship progresses.

* Hmm. Good intrigue/cliff hanger when you state that Luna's friends have "every reason to fear her." The facade is quite scary.

* I thought it was funny when Luna stuck her tongue out at her reflection (of Nightmare Moon) in the mirror HOWEVER I feel like that is something a young/childish person (mare ;p) would do, not a grown adult

* The dialogue between your characters seem natural and flows well. For the times when you're using quite a bit of dialogue, maybe you can break up the dialogue a bit more to add action words (what is the character doing as she is talking) … and also to remind who exactly is talking! Sometimes after several lines of dialogue I had to re-track a bit to make sure I knew who was the one speaking. (Although, Twilight and Luna have very different styles of speech [nice touch by the way] which made it easier to tell them apart.)

* Your final sentence is a bit weak. It just ENDS suddenly, you know?

Overall; good chapter; your creativity and style is evident; minor details could make your work stronger!
6/11/2014 c1 19draco122
very nice
Draco122
4/29/2014 c1 Guest
ew
4/5/2014 c1 Dontgotaclue88
Liked it alot. Was sweet. :)
4/2/2014 c1 11Draconicdisciple
I've been waiting to read a mlp fic from you! And I really like this one!

I really like the part where Twilight and Luna talk about Nightmare Moon, I think it's sweet and really shows Twilights acceptance of Luna's past.

There is one spot in the story where a piece of dialogue doesn't have quotation marks at the end but that's really the only problem. (I'm reviewing on a iPod so remembering where I found it was impossible... Sorry!

I was also surprised when they say Princess Celestia with Pinkie Pie. That left me gaping for a few minutes hehe.

I was really engaged and I think that you did a good job on it.
4/1/2014 c1 2RageLokiCat
Awesome! I have nothing else to say.

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