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6/17/2017 c1 22Shinobi Gatana
Has potential
12/24/2014 c1 21chickenscrews
So, this was awesome :)
The only real problem I have with this (besides the grammar) is that Zedd is pretty out of character here. Sure, it'd be cool to see him finally snap, but the narrative never even alludes that this is the case, instead treating his behavior like it's completely normal. I mean, he physically lashed out at Rita and spontaneously banished Squatt and Baboo into the Space Dumpster all without sufficient reason. If you want a character to snap, you have to at least acknowledge that they snap, even if their reasons for it should be pretty obvious. Compared with Evil Jason and Zach, Zordon confronted them on their evilness, but no one really says or does anything about Zedd snapping, so that was distracting. Rita sobs for little bit that Zedd struck her, but then completely forgets about it when Zedd monologues about the Zeo Crystal a second afterwards.

But even still, the rest of the chapter was a GIANT improvement over Legacy. Where Legacy felt way too rushed, this is notably slower and MUCH easier to follow. Sure, it still feels a little too fast-paced, but it's a huge step in the right direction. It also seriously helps that the dialogue isn't nearly as expository as it was in Legacy, so you definitely are improving!

...Ooh! If Squatt and Baboo weren't killed by Warstar because they weren't on the moon when it exploded, does this mean they'll later come to the rescue or something as they ride epically on their Space Dumpster with cowboy hats to defeat Warstar and save the day? That'd be awesome xD

So, why isn't Evil Trini working with Evil Jason and Zach?
Bioman, nice! :D I admit I don't know much about them, but it's always great to see more Sentai material adapted to Power Rangers in ways that actually make sense, like right here. And for some reason, I really like it when unused Sentai are used for villain factions, so you've already got me psyched to keep reading. Plus, the AU Jason and Zach are the villains in the suits, so that's just all kinds of epic. Another reviewer said "you can't just have [former Rangers] show up evil, you have to show the transformation" and I say that's a load of malarkey; the one who said that clearly never finished SPD. In there, the A-Squad, who were built up as the ultimate heroes of great justice, suddenly showed up evil without ever showing the transformation. They did later give some hints about why they switched sides (the Dark Side is stronger, or something like that), but the point is that you CAN have former heroes show up evil and then explain their motives LATER since that makes for a more suspenseful narrative. It makes people *want* to know why these former heroes turned evil and it makes the closure we eventually do get all the more satisfying if it's done right.
So, I say you *can* have Jason and Zach show up evil without explanation *yet* because that makes trying to discover their story all the more suspenseful. I mean, why isn't Trini with them? Did she try to stop them and Jason and Zach killed her? Is Trini still alive, but hiding away to mount a resistance movement against Warstar? Are Jason and Zach bald because the villains had to shave their heads to use mind-control on them? Are they being mind-controlled at all? Are these evil replicas or did they really choose to join the bad guys? We'd never guess these things if you showed their transformation ahead of time, and it's this uncertainty that makes uncovering their back-stories so fun and intense. And if we were already shown their transformation, it wouldn't have been shocking at all to see them kill Alpha. In other words, plot twists out of the blue like the one here *do* work and you *don't* need to reveal everything right away, because *that* would be rushed storytelling. You're doing a fine job with this arc as you are.

I know I should be grieving Alpha 5 here and his death was really shocking, but now all I can picture is jive-talking Alpha 6 confronting Jason and Zach with a sword and other swashbuckling gear and being like, "Yo! My name is Alpha 6. You killed my predecessor. Prepare to die." xD Sorry, but it's just fun imagining the Alphas doing something epic.
And DANG, Zordon went red! D8 ...Yeah, angry Zordon's just scary and I REALLY wish that happened in the show! But I guess it's even more intense that Jason and Zach kept their cool the whole time because they knew Zordon couldn't hurt them in his fish tank, so way to write some actually threatening villains!

Wait, the summary says Jake had the apocalyptic vision, but in this first chapter, it was Troy who had yet another weirdo psychic dream. Is Jake's vision still to come and more important than Troy's, or was that just a typo in the summary?
But I actually prefer that it's Troy since he's the only one who ever had a prophetic dream in Megaforce (even though it made no sense there and was never explained, so please think of something nifty for that), so great job using one of the more cryptic Megaforce plot devices to connect it all to this apocalyptic universe where Warstar won! That's just an awesome idea and I really wish the show put the Megaforce kids in some AU where Warstar already won and they had to mount a resistance or something to fight it, but even still, awesome job introducing a similar plot in your story here.

Overall, this is a great start to your story. You've clearly improved since Legacy :)
9/28/2014 c1 42Blackfire Warrior of the Sky
Evil Jason and Zach, now that is an intriguing, but creepy idea.
8/19/2014 c1 5Jetman21
I noticed what you have started to be doing with Rita Repulsa and Lord Zedd. It seems a little odd, although I'm curious where you take them next, in the future. It seems there is a long story ahead. You seem to be taking creative liberties with the names and other areas. I've also noticed a few grammatical errors. But it seems to have promise.
6/12/2014 c1 15Michelle the Editor
Honestly, I found this one a lot worse than Legacy. Your vocabulary's pretty good, I guess, and you have some intriguing ideas.

On the other hand, the pacing is rushed, the dialogue is full of exposition, the characterization is crazy and the plot has some serious holes. Turning a former Ranger evil is an interesting concept, but you can't just have them show up evil, you have to show the transformation. The same for all the other characterization.

I'm sorry I have to be so negative, but this story needs a few more drafts before it can live up to its potential.
4/6/2014 c1 6MF 22
Parallel 's not something that was covered a lot in PR; other planets, sure. But not a lot on parallel dimensions. If the evil Jason and Zack show up, I wonder how their counterparts will feel? Especially if they have to kill, well, themselves. It may come down to that, although it's also something that PR never covered. Taking down Rangers, even former Rangers, will show just how dangerous and precarious their line of work really is, and that it's not all fun and games, as kids may think.

Also, your synopsis has Jake having the dream, although the chapter, and the show itself, has Troy having the visions. Was it a typo, or will Jake have visions, just as Troy is?
4/6/2014 c1 6Emperor K. Rool
Good first chapter! One question, has Countdown to Destruction happened in this timeline?
4/6/2014 c1 43AvalonBay
I haven't followed the japanese version of the show at all so it's interesting to see this and how it differed from what we normally know as to be power rangers, so there's a bit of research that's needed on my end. Having Zack be evil is interesting as Jason is the one that most of us are accustomed to. You did a good job with hooking me in and wanting to read more.
4/6/2014 c1 30dudelove85
Good start especially the use of the Bio-man suits, will other pre PR Sentai power get used?
4/6/2014 c1 22tomwilliams1990
In like it it's good Jason always looked cool as a bad guy in the turbo movie zack might take some getting used to
4/6/2014 c1 108Darien Fawkes
Interesting start here. Not much to go on yet, so there's a lot more to learn.

Have no idea about bioman. I don't really watch sentai (Gokaiger is the only one I've seen in full!) but interesting idea about a Ranger hostile takeover!

Your synopsis mentions Jake, but he wasn't in this chapter, so I'm looking forward to seeing the connection. Good work on this.
4/5/2014 c1 76Kenn.Faith.Dawn
wow awesome start i'm looking forward to seeing what happens next
4/5/2014 c1 1Wilhelm Wigworthy
Huh, this is good! Superb imagery and mood. Rock on!

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