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for I don't deserve her

5/5/2014 c1 2k+Hawki
Um...yeah. This needs work. Such as:

-It falls into script format (e.g. typing *sigh*) rather than "he sighed."

-There's no line breaks for the start of different dialogue.

-It's basically telling rather than showing. In that, we're told about Pignite's girlfriend. At this point in time, we have no reason to be invested in these characters. I don't know anything about Pignite's character, so there's no reason to invest in that character so quickly.
4/9/2014 c1 1FerretFlies
This is great; I'm glad I finally got to read it! This is definitely something that Pignite would have trouble with, and it's great that Charizard was there to support him. They are definitely two amazing brothers - I'm glad you pointed that out. Forestfireshipping has just been made more amazing!

Amazing job!
4/5/2014 c1 1Wilhelm Wigworthy
Wasn't expecting that! Not often you find something this well done. :P

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