Just In
for A Crack in the Wall We Used to Call Home

8/29/2015 c1 105Alibi Nonsense
I love the alliteration, and how you've got just enough there to hold people, but not enough to put them off, and I like the rhyming in mid-sentence, as well as at the end of the verses ("That once blood of blue ran red through and through, an act thought insane" - limerickish, almost). You might want to think about tightening the scansion (matching up the number of syllables in the lines), but, overall, it's really well done. ;)
4/24/2014 c1 9ThatOneGuyWhoIsANinja
I'll admit, this made me sniffle a little. Such... such EMOTION. And so BEAUTIFUL.

I request more poems, and more work, and more everything. :D
4/24/2014 c1 1MusicalMuse.87
Very nice I like the ongoing metaphor with the wall as well as the subtle way you described the family and the massacre. It is also nicely structured. Just one thing - perhaps you could find a different word for "slain"? I know it rhymes, but grammatically, it doesn't quite make sense. But I suppose you could always argue creative license

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service