for The Inquisitor4/24/2014 c1 Axeman241
Hmm... Interesting... Definitely interesting. Since you've admitted that the Warhammer 40k side of this fic is in the same universe as Death Korps of Justice, what about the Young Justice side? How do you plan to handle that? As much as I would love to see a joining of the two, it might pose some problems for you and for Lord-of-Change...
Hmm... Interesting... Definitely interesting. Since you've admitted that the Warhammer 40k side of this fic is in the same universe as Death Korps of Justice, what about the Young Justice side? How do you plan to handle that? As much as I would love to see a joining of the two, it might pose some problems for you and for Lord-of-Change...
4/21/2014 c1 
2Imperial Briton
this has gone off with a good start I can't wait to see what the YJ and JL will make of a stormraven potentially filled with psychic Astartes.
From what I can tell, it is likely that the enemies your going to have will typically be Klarion [which has not been mentioned at all in LordofChaos' story] Lord of Chaos; the Reach, Luthor [because he probably belives himself to be the God Emperor of the 21st century].
But that is only what I think. you are only the 2nd writer I have found to do such a crossover of such polar universes. It will be interesting to see batman trying to outplan a lord Inquisitor, and, Megan trying to read his mind. and Superman trying to teach him 'morality'.
Also, according to some lore [that was changed last year on the wikia] some inquistors have 'powerswords' that are simply hilts, and generate their own blade from beams of energy. effectively lightsabre's, however they can also be used to focus psychic energies
Ive had my rant, and cannot wait to see the sequel chapter.
the Warhammer fan
Kunneg_Andris
2Imperial Britonthis has gone off with a good start I can't wait to see what the YJ and JL will make of a stormraven potentially filled with psychic Astartes.
From what I can tell, it is likely that the enemies your going to have will typically be Klarion [which has not been mentioned at all in LordofChaos' story] Lord of Chaos; the Reach, Luthor [because he probably belives himself to be the God Emperor of the 21st century].
But that is only what I think. you are only the 2nd writer I have found to do such a crossover of such polar universes. It will be interesting to see batman trying to outplan a lord Inquisitor, and, Megan trying to read his mind. and Superman trying to teach him 'morality'.
Also, according to some lore [that was changed last year on the wikia] some inquistors have 'powerswords' that are simply hilts, and generate their own blade from beams of energy. effectively lightsabre's, however they can also be used to focus psychic energies
Ive had my rant, and cannot wait to see the sequel chapter.
the Warhammer fan
Kunneg_Andris
4/18/2014 c1 Guest
Wow this looks promising I hope that you update soon and continue with the good writing
Wow this looks promising I hope that you update soon and continue with the good writing
4/18/2014 c1 7Lord-of-Change
A definitively interesting opening. It introduces the main character, gives some background information and sets the stage for what will happen next. The groundwork for a personality has been laid, and his future meetings with the Justice League will undoubtedly flesh it out. All in all, a good and solid opening.
Though there are a few things I would like to point out. First, the exposition. It is good to include that at the beginning of the story, and you have done so very well, but you sometimes bring in useless exposition. For example, when writing about how Dante flew over to assist the Guardsmen in the manufacturing district, you suddenly start bringing in background information on what happened there long before this battle. That is just unnecessary information, and serves no real purpose to the plot.
Second, the emotions and reactions from the characters. There are moments where it feels like there should be more of a reaction, but none happen. As an example, Dante has just come out of the Warp, his ship is descending rapidly towards he ground, it crash-lands violently to the ground, and Dante just lets out a sigh of relief.
... What? Is he invulnerable? No dizziness from getting thrown around? No pain from his wounds now that the adrenaline is wearing off? I don't care how tough you are, or how advanced your ship is. When you crash, you get hurt in one way or another. A bit more of a reaction out of him would have been appreciated. As it stands, you make it sound like he just went through a roller coaster and not a freaking plane crash. Those things are always nasty.
Work on avoiding mistakes like these again, and I'm sure that this will be a fantastic story to read.
P.S. I like the cameo my character made in your story.
7Lord-of-ChangeA definitively interesting opening. It introduces the main character, gives some background information and sets the stage for what will happen next. The groundwork for a personality has been laid, and his future meetings with the Justice League will undoubtedly flesh it out. All in all, a good and solid opening.
Though there are a few things I would like to point out. First, the exposition. It is good to include that at the beginning of the story, and you have done so very well, but you sometimes bring in useless exposition. For example, when writing about how Dante flew over to assist the Guardsmen in the manufacturing district, you suddenly start bringing in background information on what happened there long before this battle. That is just unnecessary information, and serves no real purpose to the plot.
Second, the emotions and reactions from the characters. There are moments where it feels like there should be more of a reaction, but none happen. As an example, Dante has just come out of the Warp, his ship is descending rapidly towards he ground, it crash-lands violently to the ground, and Dante just lets out a sigh of relief.
... What? Is he invulnerable? No dizziness from getting thrown around? No pain from his wounds now that the adrenaline is wearing off? I don't care how tough you are, or how advanced your ship is. When you crash, you get hurt in one way or another. A bit more of a reaction out of him would have been appreciated. As it stands, you make it sound like he just went through a roller coaster and not a freaking plane crash. Those things are always nasty.
Work on avoiding mistakes like these again, and I'm sure that this will be a fantastic story to read.
P.S. I like the cameo my character made in your story.
4/17/2014 c1 Danriver
Nice start I hope u will update soon. And good luck too.
Nice start I hope u will update soon. And good luck too.
4/17/2014 c1 anon
Awesome
More soon please
Awesome
More soon please
4/17/2014 c1 Imperial Lord
A good start with a good character, I will be eagerly following this stories progress. Also am I right to assume the the story Death Korps of justice gave you some inspiration?
A good start with a good character, I will be eagerly following this stories progress. Also am I right to assume the the story Death Korps of justice gave you some inspiration?