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for Unforgettable: Long, Lost Memories

2/20/2017 c2 Hoshimiya Ichigo
Konichiwa! I really want to see if I get my memories back! Please update soon!
7/9/2016 c2 Nijino Yume
I love it please update sooner or later
6/29/2016 c2 Guest
I know this was from 2014, but I loved this. I wish it has been continued :'( great first two chapters!
9/19/2015 c2 godess bubbles
I hope you decide to continue !
6/20/2015 c2 hayana
It is great !
5/20/2015 c2 ikasafira
Sorry i just review... I saw this is good story, but.. I want to see ichigo and naoto become couple.. Can you do that..? Please continue..
2/24/2015 c2 kawther
please finish this story
12/30/2014 c2 4garden rain
I love this story, and I'll favorite it! Thanks for showing me how to make keyboard-faces, ( o ) !
12/15/2014 c2 natsu
wow it's awesome! :D can't wait for next chapter! :D
11/14/2014 c3 946Yemi Hikari
Author's notes as individual chapters aren't allowed via site rules and can be reported to the site admins. My suggestion is to come up with a way to end the story in one chapter if possible or move the discontinued note to the first chapter where the readers can see it and make their decision whether they want to continue past the first chapter despite it being discontinued. Reading the first two to get a third with a note can be disappointing and you two will get less reviews "crying" about how it's discontinued.
10/15/2014 c3 1Williukea
damn just when I found an awesome story...
8/22/2014 c2 4cheng
Eeeeep! He's so cute! Awwwww 3 he so likes her! Haha can't wait to see what happens!
8/10/2014 c2 BabyLoveBug95
I can't wait to see what happens next. I like how Aoi was teasing Naoto. I love your story. _
8/8/2014 c2 blukie.10
Please continue the story!
7/6/2014 c2 Xc3rl
I like the idea of the story and I'm excited to read more, but the characters are rather OOC. For starters Naoto is rather indifferent and impassive and his expressions are generally neutral. He doesn't use the honorific -san in terms of the idols either; rather he addresses by their last name when talking to them (i.e Hoshimiya, Kiriya), but since he and Ichigo are childhood friends in this fic then she'd be exempt from that. He also isn't that easy to rouse up, so when you come across a situation like when Aoi asked if liked Ichigo, he'd simply shrug it off and calmly say that she's just a kid.

As for Ichigo, while she is generally energetic and at times clumsy, she isn't necessarily incapable of handling herself which is kind off how you portrayed her. She simply needs a minder, and that's Aoi. She also seems a bit too energetic and, so it's best to tone that down a bit. Aoi is okay, except that one part when thinking to herself about the audition. She said that she always wanted to be an idol and that's why she's working hard, but at the same time while she was uneasy about going against Ichigo she didn't falter in her decision to work hard.

Overall your characterization needs work and if you need help and the overall grammar needs some work in terms of "show vs tell". There's a lot of dialogue and when there isn't we're simply told what's going aren't really shown it so you should try to work on that. It's also a good idea to expand the vocabulary a bit. The story also has some issues in flow. It simply goes from A to B without detail, without warning. Work on sliding into the next situation smoothly, instead of just hopping there.

If you need any help or assistance in terms of characterization or how to work something from the anime in or stuff like that, the Aikatsu Wiki is available. I'm an editor there under the name Halo1081 and I'm pretty much always on the wiki so if you or Eponine-chan have any questions then you can leave a message on my wall. I'm also a Beta Reader here so there's that too.
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