Just In
for Forge

9/24/2015 c5 That Guy
You know, you really need to work on your story a lot. Not only is it hard to read, the content is short as hell, the dialogue isn't even that good. It's just some shitty dimensional story until Shirou becomes a shitty Gary Stu.

Also, I do need to stress a lot and I mean A LOT that you need a beta reader. Do you readers a favor.
6/4/2014 c5 Reader 2
All this whole story is just blocks of text really. Take whatever I said as you wish. And even though you said the lack of flows is intentional, it doesn't really make a good story.

At all.

When someone's talking you separate the lines.

That's all I have to say.
5/16/2014 c4 the gamer
Nine Lives is more like Tsubame Gaeshi then a weapon in itself. Originally it was Berserker's bow & arrows but through training he learn to mimic it with other weapons. The "axe-sword" Berserker used in FSN was just a slab of rock from a temple dedicated to him(and the catalyst used to summon him) it gives him a territory bonus similar to being summon in his homeland, but other then that it's nothing special. This is something Shirou should know both by his nature and how he learned the skill in the first place.
5/3/2014 c4 Ruci
Your story has interesting concept, however your storytelling is not good, and your POV is sometimes confusing. It's like looking at a girl, who might be beautiful, but clad in an ugly clothes... You should find a beta to fix your writing. And you should make clear when your loop is beginning and when is the dead end. Anyway, keep the spirit! You have potential.
5/3/2014 c4 Telron
LOL good story so far
5/3/2014 c2 3God Of Cake
This looks interesting, looking forward for future updates
5/3/2014 c1 3coronadomontes
interesante idea,
5/3/2014 c1 Guest
Well, this is an interesting scenario, but it could be cleaned up a little. Also, by Nine Lives, do you mean Berserkers axe-sword? Pretty sure it doesn't have a name and referring it by the name of the skill seems a little awkward.
5/3/2014 c1 Rydan fall
A bit disjointed in flow.
Also a weird restart point, would have thought that the point were Lancer killed him the first tine around, would have worked nicely considering with which weapon he died.

Might I suggest alteration combinned with forging, in order to reforge a object from raw materials?
It's the only way how Shirou could turn his fakes into non-fakes, even if they keep the same class degradation as the fakes.
Might be how he could forge Archer EMIYA his bow.
On Archer, I wouldn't be suprised to learn it was the one from one of the bad endings route, it would explain some things.

Heh, Shirou should use alteration to create diamonds.
Since you have conducting & non-conducting, he could try and make a completely solid diamond pc from it, including the LCD monitor.
Best one to go for, is a monitor with pc on it's back.
Let him struggle, might resolt in him figuring out how to create a tablet with a freestanding cd-rom player & harddrive.

Shirou's biggest quest should be trying to figure out what is causing him to loop all the time and if he will lose all these memories if he can somehow end the looping.
Because if he will lose the memories, then that is a side-project to overcome.

And since Shirou is looping, then he knows the thruth(?) of Ilya.
Then he knows that dad would want him to be her Hero and save her, save her such a way, she won't die in a year, if she surfives this war.

Archer EMIYA is THE WORLD it's leg-up for Shirou, in order to stop Gilgamesh. (Yes, Shirou his marble is THE WORLD it's counter for Gilgamesh)
If Shirou fails, the Counter Gairdians start their work and since they are a bit methodical in removing any possible trace that could let it become a problem again, all Magus families would die and thus anybody in their aria, which could mean almost the whole damn world.
Now ain't that a nice First Evil kinda grail corrupting setup of letting the wish destroy everything you wish for?
5/2/2014 c1 Guest
Very interesting
5/2/2014 c1 Telron
LOL interesting so far

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service