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2/5/2020 c1 derektomlinson
finally videl smirking at her boyfriend he asks me to be his girlfriend slap gohan next time don't wait so long
11/7/2019 c1 derektomlinson
lol satan and son videl hissing saying to her boyfriend and husband son gohan you get back here and kiss me right now
5/10/2019 c1 Derek
Videl to gohan i love these stories about us becoming bf and gf i am glad that you asked me to be my bf and not shudder sharpener
6/4/2017 c1 1gabelou1991
Drôle un peu trop vite.
9/14/2007 c1 wohhoo
10th review lolz great start anywazy hope u make future charpters longer
9/14/2007 c1 woohhooo
im da 10th review lolz anywazy great start hope u make future chapters longer
9/14/2007 c1 Videl gohan FANYEA
wow dey already gt together and dey didnt even noe each other im starting to like diz story but u really gonna wait for 10 reviews
9/14/2007 c1 IMAPIMP
nigga update its been so long anywayz great start
9/14/2007 c1 VEGITA-SEI
yo ma man update its been 5 yrs
9/14/2007 c1 who ya think it iz
great start u should continue
8/29/2006 c1 2Elly1212
Well that was interesting... I do have constructive crtism, but dont take it too hard, its just to help you write.

1)I think you should show the difference between when someone is talking and when they are not. Like instead of: Then Gohan asked what school are you going too, well I go to orange star high school and by the looks of it you too. Gohan was very happy and he decided to ask videl something, Videl can I ask you something, yes Gohan what is it well I wanted to know if you want to be my girl friend.

You should write: Then Gohan asked "What school are you going too?", "Well I go to orange star high school and by the looks of it you too." Gohan was very happy and he decided to ask videl something, "Videl can I ask you something?", "Yes Gohan what is it?" "Well I wanted to know if you want to be my girl friend?".

You know, that way its easier to understand,but other than that your story seems promising! Please update as soon as you can!

-Lady Raven ^_^
6/23/2005 c1 Rosa Myaa
ya. go for it finish it i want more continue. do whatever it takes. it may not be your best writting at the begining but as it goes on i know it will get better.
4/18/2004 c1 backeyes
Update! I like your story
10/31/2002 c1 ssj8Gohan
update, its pretty good
10/27/2002 c1 5Marlene Kimaru
Ok, it sounds like you have a good start, but I do know of one thing that could make this story better. Quotation marks. You have an interesting take on things and I would like to read more, but I think that it would be easier if you used quotation marks and divided the paragraphs every time a different person speaks, making it easier to determine the difference between thoughts, action, and the actual speaking, as well as who’s doing the speaking and thinking. Quotation marks would be a bigger help than the dividing of the paragraphs, but that would make it easier as well. It’s an interesting story and I’m very anxious to read the rest of it! Just know that if I sound too critical, then that means I have something to say and I think your story deserves this in the form of a review rather than a flame. I hope I’ve been helpful and not harsh! *gulps nervously, fearing a frying pan from the “National Legion of Angry Fanfiction Authors.”* I look forward to your next chapter and again, I’m sorry if I insulted you… *gulps again* See you next chapter! I'll see what I can do for constructive criticism then without being too harsh! Bye!

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