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for Eternia Evolved

2/1/2017 c1 JAKEkenstein
This is a really interesting story can't wait to see more;)
7/20/2014 c12 1Aprion
First off, I liked this story.

That said though it could do with a bit of a rewrite. With the constantly switching point of view it might work better if you rewrote it in third person. Because the constantly going back and forth kinda breaks the immersion. and constantly announcing who's point of view were looking from kinda makes it read like a script instead of a story.

Then there is the pacing of the story. Things seem to happen a little too fast at times. And for two characters who have a bit of an antagonistic personallity to warm up to eachother so swiftly and without a hitch, well it seems a little, convenient.

Like i said it was a fun read, but i feel that with a bit of effort and some time to rewrite it into a better paced and more coherent whole, it could become a great story, rather then just a fun one :)
Keep up the good work.

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