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2/19/2015 c7 Guest
Super awesome battle coming up
1/26/2015 c7 Guest
Do you think lord stingray will go as low as using a little girl for a shield
1/20/2015 c7 Guest
Cam Melinda meet lord stingrays and he use her as a hostage
1/18/2015 c7 Guest
The twins and their female counterparts will meet up with Melinda
1/16/2015 c5 Guest
Jared do love Melinda
1/16/2015 c3 Guest
Melinda is just like shoko from adventure time
1/16/2015 c7 Guest
Melinda will meet the twins
8/4/2014 c7 48AnimeToonz19
Good job! Glad you updated! Hope the Warden gets her back soon...
7/19/2014 c6 Guest
Wow that was an amazing story! It's what I've been looking for in a superjail fan fic and u nailed it! Amazing 10/10
6/19/2014 c6 6iSmileWheniSeeYou
This is cute so far. (:
If you don't mind constructive criticism, I have a few tips that could possibly help this awesome story a little more, too.
First off, you have a really quick wit and some creative ways for the inmates to die. I love this! The Brain Freeze thing, I could totally seeing that being part of a SuperJail! episode.
You also have a good handle on the character's personalities, specifically Alice. Everytime she speaks in the story, I swear I can hear her actually saying that.
I do suggest, though, when it's time for a character to make their appearance, try to stray away from the script writing and asterisk actions:
ex. Warden: Jared, these ideas are stupid! *flings papers into the air*
This is, no offense, a lazy form of writing to most people. It takes away from the flow of the story, and it doesn't provide a clear picture of the scene at hand. Description and structure are important in writing.
For example, instead of the above, you may want to give something like this a try:
"Jared!" Warden shouted, whipping around to glare at the fidgeting man. The jailer took heavy stomps toward Jared, clenching a stack of papers in his hands. "These ideas are stupid!" he growled, waving the documents in Jared's big, sweaty face as if the accountant was a dog who had messed on the floor and was now having its nose rubbed into it. Like a child, Warden flung the papers into the air to further prove their worthlessness.
Or something along those lines. It doesn't have to be fancy or long, but enough to where the reader gets the exact picture you're seeing in your own mind, ya' know?
It really helps flow the writing together.
Also, always read back over what you've written, then read it again, aloud if you can, too. Double check spelling, wording, contractions, punctuation, you get the gist. Nothing makes your audience stumble more than messy grammar and run-on sentences. Triple check.
I think that may be all I got as far as tips go.
I really enjoyMelinda's interaction with all the characters. Good dynamics. (:
You've got really talent, and I can't wait to see what else happens to Melinda and what else might pop up from her past.
Update soon c:
6/1/2014 c6 48AnimeToonz19
Poor Melinda! D: Mistress, you better not hurt her! I hope she will return to the warden...
5/31/2014 c6 3Regulargirl22
Nice job, and i love how the Warden keeps forgetting her name lol
5/26/2014 c5 48AnimeToonz19
Thanks buddy! :D And good job!
5/25/2014 c4 AnimeToonz19
Glad those two are getting along. :)

5/24/2014 c3 AnimeToonz19
Aww! :) I can so imagine that hug! And I just know the warden will warm up to her!
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