for Warband of the Forsaken Sons6/10/2014 c4 
10lightning king
Really interesting chapter. I do like the building of a warband with all the traitor legions in it. This gives this entire fic an unique quality to it. 10k years down the road (or sooner), I can't wait to see how the other chaos marines respond to such a legion. I also can't wait to see how big this warband eventually becomes. Please keep up the good work. I really like what you are doing with the characters so far. I also hope that the Sons build themselves a power base either now or sometime soon. They will probably need at least a home world at some point. Hopefully you can get the next chapter out soon.
10lightning kingReally interesting chapter. I do like the building of a warband with all the traitor legions in it. This gives this entire fic an unique quality to it. 10k years down the road (or sooner), I can't wait to see how the other chaos marines respond to such a legion. I also can't wait to see how big this warband eventually becomes. Please keep up the good work. I really like what you are doing with the characters so far. I also hope that the Sons build themselves a power base either now or sometime soon. They will probably need at least a home world at some point. Hopefully you can get the next chapter out soon.
6/10/2014 c4 15Heir of the void
Well, this was some chilling stuff. I wanted so badly to root for Valens, but I knew that this early in the story, I just couldn't.
You gave an impressive portrayal of the World Eaters, and I enjoyed myself reading it, even if I felt like a heretic for doing so. Nice work.
I hope to see more soon.
15Heir of the voidWell, this was some chilling stuff. I wanted so badly to root for Valens, but I knew that this early in the story, I just couldn't.
You gave an impressive portrayal of the World Eaters, and I enjoyed myself reading it, even if I felt like a heretic for doing so. Nice work.
I hope to see more soon.
6/8/2014 c3 10lightning king
This is a really good fic that I am enjoying. As someone relatively new to 40k, I really like what you are doing with this fic. I have always been more of a Chaos enthusiast, but most of the actual books usually only focus on war without going into too much character development. Please keep up the good work.
10lightning kingThis is a really good fic that I am enjoying. As someone relatively new to 40k, I really like what you are doing with this fic. I have always been more of a Chaos enthusiast, but most of the actual books usually only focus on war without going into too much character development. Please keep up the good work.
6/4/2014 c3 15Heir of the void
Well, you wonderful HERETIC, this was another great chapter. I'm not sure why you're dissatisfied. I noticed a few more spelling/grammar errors, but it was a marked improvement on previous chapters.
I see what you did there, with the Warp Storm. That should give the Sons a chance for some quality Looting, Pillaging and Destruction, and be Fun to read. I look forward to the next chapter.
15Heir of the voidWell, you wonderful HERETIC, this was another great chapter. I'm not sure why you're dissatisfied. I noticed a few more spelling/grammar errors, but it was a marked improvement on previous chapters.
I see what you did there, with the Warp Storm. That should give the Sons a chance for some quality Looting, Pillaging and Destruction, and be Fun to read. I look forward to the next chapter.
6/1/2014 c2 19BIBOTOT
9 out of 10.
This is a very serious and well-written attempt at the Chaos Legion right after the Horus Heresy. I agree with Arken than Primarchs aren't fit anymore to lead Chapters of Astartes. I would love to see how your characters react to the campaign for slaves by the Emperor's Children which ended up in Fabius Bile cloning Horus and the bloody crusade launched by the World Eater which caused the division of the entire Legion.
19BIBOTOT9 out of 10.
This is a very serious and well-written attempt at the Chaos Legion right after the Horus Heresy. I agree with Arken than Primarchs aren't fit anymore to lead Chapters of Astartes. I would love to see how your characters react to the campaign for slaves by the Emperor's Children which ended up in Fabius Bile cloning Horus and the bloody crusade launched by the World Eater which caused the division of the entire Legion.
5/30/2014 c2 15Heir of the void
Um... wow. This is pretty impressive. I never thought I'd see the day that I'd find actual sympathetic CSMs, but here they are. Nice how you managed to do that.
The Forsaken Sons are in a pretty tricky spot now, given that they lack both Imperial logicstic and technical support, and the Warpcraft and Daemon Engines that allow normal CSM armies to overcome their shortcomings. A thousand Astartes is a lot, but in the post-Heresy period, it's not THAT much. You might want to throw the Sons a bone in the form of... something. Capturing the Chaos Stragetic Heldrake Reserve or something.
As for lore, I'm not as well versed on the 30K stuff, so I can't really comment, but everything looked good. However, there were a few spelling and grammar errors (you misspelled 'grammar') and at one point you said 'it it' instead of 'hit it'. Also, POV shifts were a little jarring. You might want to give us some signal when you change from one Marine to another.
Other than that, it was great. I'd love to hear about what things you're considering for the future of you chapter of
15Heir of the voidUm... wow. This is pretty impressive. I never thought I'd see the day that I'd find actual sympathetic CSMs, but here they are. Nice how you managed to do that.
The Forsaken Sons are in a pretty tricky spot now, given that they lack both Imperial logicstic and technical support, and the Warpcraft and Daemon Engines that allow normal CSM armies to overcome their shortcomings. A thousand Astartes is a lot, but in the post-Heresy period, it's not THAT much. You might want to throw the Sons a bone in the form of... something. Capturing the Chaos Stragetic Heldrake Reserve or something.
As for lore, I'm not as well versed on the 30K stuff, so I can't really comment, but everything looked good. However, there were a few spelling and grammar errors (you misspelled 'grammar') and at one point you said 'it it' instead of 'hit it'. Also, POV shifts were a little jarring. You might want to give us some signal when you change from one Marine to another.
Other than that, it was great. I'd love to hear about what things you're considering for the future of you chapter of
5/29/2014 c2 2Emperor's Forsaken
Great chapter. I cant want for more, if anything try to see this story through, one of the best warhammer stories I have read. Im adding this to my favorites and will be watching for the next chapter!
2Emperor's ForsakenGreat chapter. I cant want for more, if anything try to see this story through, one of the best warhammer stories I have read. Im adding this to my favorites and will be watching for the next chapter!
5/26/2014 c1 Matt
Love the story, interesting take on the way that the traitor legions left terra. Still thanks for the chapter and hope more comes!
Love the story, interesting take on the way that the traitor legions left terra. Still thanks for the chapter and hope more comes!
5/26/2014 c1 Emperor's Forsaken
Good story, and writing not to many grammar error that I saw. keep the story up look forward to see more
Good story, and writing not to many grammar error that I saw. keep the story up look forward to see more