for Persona 4: Leave No Words Unspoken2/21/2022 c2 Guest
Don’t like Dylan already lol
Don’t like Dylan already lol
9/2/2021 c205 
2afterados
And here we are, at the very end… sort of! I see from your Author’s Note that there may be a few more chapters after this one added. I’m interested to see what else our crew will be getting up to now that six(ish) months have passed!
I think including Nametame’s growth is a great idea! Showing how much he’s learned from the SoT and how much he’s really integrating those lessons into his life and trying to help others… it’s pretty great to see.
Dylan accidentally spoiling the surprise was great, too! And it was fun to see everyone slowly come out of their hiding places one by one… honestly, with so many of them trying to hide, Yu probably would’ve noticed them anyways! I will say, it felt a little weird to have them all immediately go back to Dojima’s place after they came out of hiding (rather than just hang out there for a while first)... but that’s just a nitpick. It was good to see everyone there, and it was fun to see the various minor differences in appearance that many people have had since we saw them last.
It was also good to see how Nanako and Dojima have grown. Especially Dojima, since he has clearly come a long way in terms of accepting his wife’s death - another important change that Yu and co. have helped make.
The last line of this chapter definitely make me think there’s more to come! Like I said at the start, I’m certainly interested to see what else has changed (and /who/ else has changed) in the last several months in Inaba.
And… that’s the end (for now, at least!). Wow. It feels really weird to be done reading LNWU - you’ve been writing it for so long that it’s crazy to me that the main story is done. But I’m really, really impressed that you stuck with it all the way to the end. This was a monumental effort: finishing a work as long as 825,000 words is an absolutely insane accomplishment (which I mean in the best possible way). I’ve said it many times before, but I’ll say it again here: good freaking work!
2afteradosAnd here we are, at the very end… sort of! I see from your Author’s Note that there may be a few more chapters after this one added. I’m interested to see what else our crew will be getting up to now that six(ish) months have passed!
I think including Nametame’s growth is a great idea! Showing how much he’s learned from the SoT and how much he’s really integrating those lessons into his life and trying to help others… it’s pretty great to see.
Dylan accidentally spoiling the surprise was great, too! And it was fun to see everyone slowly come out of their hiding places one by one… honestly, with so many of them trying to hide, Yu probably would’ve noticed them anyways! I will say, it felt a little weird to have them all immediately go back to Dojima’s place after they came out of hiding (rather than just hang out there for a while first)... but that’s just a nitpick. It was good to see everyone there, and it was fun to see the various minor differences in appearance that many people have had since we saw them last.
It was also good to see how Nanako and Dojima have grown. Especially Dojima, since he has clearly come a long way in terms of accepting his wife’s death - another important change that Yu and co. have helped make.
The last line of this chapter definitely make me think there’s more to come! Like I said at the start, I’m certainly interested to see what else has changed (and /who/ else has changed) in the last several months in Inaba.
And… that’s the end (for now, at least!). Wow. It feels really weird to be done reading LNWU - you’ve been writing it for so long that it’s crazy to me that the main story is done. But I’m really, really impressed that you stuck with it all the way to the end. This was a monumental effort: finishing a work as long as 825,000 words is an absolutely insane accomplishment (which I mean in the best possible way). I’ve said it many times before, but I’ll say it again here: good freaking work!
9/2/2021 c204 afterados
Wow. Reading this chapter, it’s really starting to hit me that we're truly approaching the end of LNWU. Watching Yu say goodbye to everyone that he’s affected and touched… it’s crazy to see how many people were there. I know this is just an adapted scene from the game, but I think you handled it well - I appreciated how everyone got a little bit of time to speak (it felt fitting for the ending), and I also liked that Dylan and Yu had a longer moment together. It felt right.
I also think your last lines were great! Again, I know the photograph part is just an adaptation of the ending cutscene from P4, but your last two lines specifically added a lot. To me, a huge part of this story is about building connections with others, and I thought that your last lines helped bring that message across wonderfully - even after he leaves, Yu will still keep the connections, memories and experiences he’s made with others. Good work!
One last chapter! Holy cow!
Wow. Reading this chapter, it’s really starting to hit me that we're truly approaching the end of LNWU. Watching Yu say goodbye to everyone that he’s affected and touched… it’s crazy to see how many people were there. I know this is just an adapted scene from the game, but I think you handled it well - I appreciated how everyone got a little bit of time to speak (it felt fitting for the ending), and I also liked that Dylan and Yu had a longer moment together. It felt right.
I also think your last lines were great! Again, I know the photograph part is just an adaptation of the ending cutscene from P4, but your last two lines specifically added a lot. To me, a huge part of this story is about building connections with others, and I thought that your last lines helped bring that message across wonderfully - even after he leaves, Yu will still keep the connections, memories and experiences he’s made with others. Good work!
One last chapter! Holy cow!
8/23/2021 c203 afterados
Izanami fight! As you said at the very end of the chapter (in the AN), this was a relatively short chapter, but also as you mentioned the big differences in terms of the overall plot had already been made, so this was basically just confirming the fact that Izanami still did get defeated in basically the same way she did in canon P4. Despite that - If I’m being honest, I would’ve liked a little bit more detail, since this was (presumably) the last full battle of the whole story. But I understand why you kept it short.
I don’t have much more to say about this chapter! Nice work here. We’re approaching the very, very end of this story, which is crazy to think about - looking forward to the last couple chapters!
Izanami fight! As you said at the very end of the chapter (in the AN), this was a relatively short chapter, but also as you mentioned the big differences in terms of the overall plot had already been made, so this was basically just confirming the fact that Izanami still did get defeated in basically the same way she did in canon P4. Despite that - If I’m being honest, I would’ve liked a little bit more detail, since this was (presumably) the last full battle of the whole story. But I understand why you kept it short.
I don’t have much more to say about this chapter! Nice work here. We’re approaching the very, very end of this story, which is crazy to think about - looking forward to the last couple chapters!
8/19/2021 c202 afterados
First off, chapter 200! That’s huge! (I know the prologues make this technically 202, but still!)
I thought the start of this chapter with Dylan and Quintessus talking about various things (their motivations and some reveals about “other Dylan”’s backstory) was great! I thought it was the perfect combination of trash-talk with narrative things to lead into the big fight.
And wow, the big fight starts off with a bang! I immediately love the details in it - the fact that I know exactly what each combatant is doing makes things much more exciting for me (as in, rather than just knowing that they were punching each other, I know that “Dylan managed to catch Quintessus mid lunge before delivering a jumping knee strike...”, which makes me feel like I’m really watching the fight). I think the fist-fight portion of the fight went on just a tiny bit long, but basically right when I was thinking that, the fight switched over to the next phase!
I have similar thoughts about this next phase - first, I love the detail, and I love seeing Dylan switch through so many Personas. Seeing so many Personas makes this fight definitely feels like an ultimate battle involving a Wild Card! And I thought this section was just the right length.
Phase 3! I like the small lead up to the fight, both with the fun little interlude-fight with Dylan v. all of Quintessus’ doubles, and the small dialogue that Dylan has with the “real/original” Quintessus before they fight. (I particularly like that Dylan admits he’s afraid of what he’ll lose.) However, I think Phase 3 of this fight went on for a little too long. I think the fight started to get samey, with Quintessus repeating some lines and moves with very minimal differences at some points (I remember there’s a point where the lines “‘Shut up! Bullet Rain!’ Quintessus exclaimed.” and “‘Shut up! Bullet Rain!’ Quintessus roared.” are within about 9 lines of each other, for instance.) Although there were things like the introduction of Nari no Okami Picaro which added some great variety, overall I was left with the impression that this third phase could have been shortened a bit and would still feel just as epic and climactic.
My last thought is that I think Nari no Okami Picaro disappearing (and appearing, for that matter) was a bit odd and unexplained. Though it was cool that Dylan got a power up at this fight, I feel like it would’ve made more sense for Picaro to just replace Nari no Okami as Dylan’s (presumably) final Persona “evolution”, rather than having Picaro be an unexplained power-up that also inexplicably disappears afterwards.
But having said all that - this was a fun, very beefy chapter that I think did a great job of being the climactic final battle between Dylan and his old self. And also, I should note: making the final battle that Dylan must overcome by himself be a fight between Dylan and his old self is /very/ symbolic, given the context of the overall narrative. :) Great job!
First off, chapter 200! That’s huge! (I know the prologues make this technically 202, but still!)
I thought the start of this chapter with Dylan and Quintessus talking about various things (their motivations and some reveals about “other Dylan”’s backstory) was great! I thought it was the perfect combination of trash-talk with narrative things to lead into the big fight.
And wow, the big fight starts off with a bang! I immediately love the details in it - the fact that I know exactly what each combatant is doing makes things much more exciting for me (as in, rather than just knowing that they were punching each other, I know that “Dylan managed to catch Quintessus mid lunge before delivering a jumping knee strike...”, which makes me feel like I’m really watching the fight). I think the fist-fight portion of the fight went on just a tiny bit long, but basically right when I was thinking that, the fight switched over to the next phase!
I have similar thoughts about this next phase - first, I love the detail, and I love seeing Dylan switch through so many Personas. Seeing so many Personas makes this fight definitely feels like an ultimate battle involving a Wild Card! And I thought this section was just the right length.
Phase 3! I like the small lead up to the fight, both with the fun little interlude-fight with Dylan v. all of Quintessus’ doubles, and the small dialogue that Dylan has with the “real/original” Quintessus before they fight. (I particularly like that Dylan admits he’s afraid of what he’ll lose.) However, I think Phase 3 of this fight went on for a little too long. I think the fight started to get samey, with Quintessus repeating some lines and moves with very minimal differences at some points (I remember there’s a point where the lines “‘Shut up! Bullet Rain!’ Quintessus exclaimed.” and “‘Shut up! Bullet Rain!’ Quintessus roared.” are within about 9 lines of each other, for instance.) Although there were things like the introduction of Nari no Okami Picaro which added some great variety, overall I was left with the impression that this third phase could have been shortened a bit and would still feel just as epic and climactic.
My last thought is that I think Nari no Okami Picaro disappearing (and appearing, for that matter) was a bit odd and unexplained. Though it was cool that Dylan got a power up at this fight, I feel like it would’ve made more sense for Picaro to just replace Nari no Okami as Dylan’s (presumably) final Persona “evolution”, rather than having Picaro be an unexplained power-up that also inexplicably disappears afterwards.
But having said all that - this was a fun, very beefy chapter that I think did a great job of being the climactic final battle between Dylan and his old self. And also, I should note: making the final battle that Dylan must overcome by himself be a fight between Dylan and his old self is /very/ symbolic, given the context of the overall narrative. :) Great job!
8/2/2021 c201 afterados
Continuing on with Dylan’s side!
The very first part of the chapter (with the ambush on the seventh floor) was fun. I thought it was smart to keep that bit short, but I’m also glad you included it, as I don’t think it would have made sense for Dylan and Morgana to find Albard without any resistance.
Albard fight! I thought this was a good fight - though it probably doesn’t hurt that I’m a sucker for swordsman-type characters! I would’ve liked a bit more details about what each fighter was doing in the fights, but I did see some sections of good detail! (Especially right before the fight ends.)
Ah, I definitely was not expecting Rathion to get wrecked by Quintessus! I’m a bit torn on that, since I totally understand that you wanted to speed up the pacing and just get right down to the inevitable Dylan v. Quintessus fight (which I’m assuming is coming up!). I also totally agree with your prioritization of the Dylan v. Quintessus fight over the (now hypothetical) Dylan v. Rathion fight. But from a story perspective, I don’t think it made too much sense for Quintessus to just kill one of his four main subordinates so suddenly. Having said that, at the end of the day, it sounds like you had to choose between what would make sense for you to focus on as a writer/what would make sense for the story’s pacing, and what would make the most sense for the character of Quintessus to do. That’s a hard choice to make, and I can’t fault you for choosing your writing and the pacing.
Before I go, I do want to say that most of the dialogue and all the character descriptions here are great! This has also been true the past few chapters, and I don’t think I’ve done a good job praising you for that, so I want to say it now.
Good work as always - looking forward to seeing the Quintessus/Dylan fight!
Continuing on with Dylan’s side!
The very first part of the chapter (with the ambush on the seventh floor) was fun. I thought it was smart to keep that bit short, but I’m also glad you included it, as I don’t think it would have made sense for Dylan and Morgana to find Albard without any resistance.
Albard fight! I thought this was a good fight - though it probably doesn’t hurt that I’m a sucker for swordsman-type characters! I would’ve liked a bit more details about what each fighter was doing in the fights, but I did see some sections of good detail! (Especially right before the fight ends.)
Ah, I definitely was not expecting Rathion to get wrecked by Quintessus! I’m a bit torn on that, since I totally understand that you wanted to speed up the pacing and just get right down to the inevitable Dylan v. Quintessus fight (which I’m assuming is coming up!). I also totally agree with your prioritization of the Dylan v. Quintessus fight over the (now hypothetical) Dylan v. Rathion fight. But from a story perspective, I don’t think it made too much sense for Quintessus to just kill one of his four main subordinates so suddenly. Having said that, at the end of the day, it sounds like you had to choose between what would make sense for you to focus on as a writer/what would make sense for the story’s pacing, and what would make the most sense for the character of Quintessus to do. That’s a hard choice to make, and I can’t fault you for choosing your writing and the pacing.
Before I go, I do want to say that most of the dialogue and all the character descriptions here are great! This has also been true the past few chapters, and I don’t think I’ve done a good job praising you for that, so I want to say it now.
Good work as always - looking forward to seeing the Quintessus/Dylan fight!
7/21/2021 c200 afterados
And now we check out Dylan’s side! Wow, Quintessus sounds like it’s the perfect Shadow Dylan, especially with regards to his appearance, but also because he took over the Golden Palace and made statues of himself, etc. It feels somehow apt for the “evil version” of Dylan to be a bit of a selfish megalomaniac.
Hey, and Morgana making an appearance! Sweet! Followed shortly afterwards by Ryoji! These Persona series cameos are very fun, and I think both of their placements in the story (Morgana looking at a palace to steal a treasure, and Ryoji showing up in the “afterlife-like place”) make a great deal of sense.
The Moirae sisters are also very cool! Their designs (as ever) are great.
And then we got Death! I’m loving all the references to mythology and folklore/etc. you’re putting in here. Not much to say, but the idea is very cool, and I thought the bit about sulfur was pretty funny.
Morgana and Dylan team-up! And Dylan gets his own Phantom Thief costume! Honestly that’s brilliant - Dylan temporarily becoming a Phantom Thief is such a fun concept! And a very classic Dylan move to not wear a mask so that Quintessus can see his face.
Also interesting that Quintessus refused Izanami’s help! Not too surprising now that I think about it (it stands to reason that any Shadow of Dylan’s would be stubborn), but it was cool that you included that bit.
I’m surprised that Quintessus had enough time and power to create the Four Pillars! But the Forlo fight was good. There were a few places where some extra details could’ve been added, but I appreciate that it was long enough to feel like a struggle, but not so long as to drag down the pacing too much.
Ah, the second of the Four Pillars is named Egil! Dylan, quick, summon the Monado!
Silly Xenoblade joke aside, this was a good fight! The character designs were on point (as always), and I appreciated that you made Egil act a bit differently than Forlo by having him be more controlled at first, even though he unraveled at the end. Looking forward to the other fights! Nice work!
And now we check out Dylan’s side! Wow, Quintessus sounds like it’s the perfect Shadow Dylan, especially with regards to his appearance, but also because he took over the Golden Palace and made statues of himself, etc. It feels somehow apt for the “evil version” of Dylan to be a bit of a selfish megalomaniac.
Hey, and Morgana making an appearance! Sweet! Followed shortly afterwards by Ryoji! These Persona series cameos are very fun, and I think both of their placements in the story (Morgana looking at a palace to steal a treasure, and Ryoji showing up in the “afterlife-like place”) make a great deal of sense.
The Moirae sisters are also very cool! Their designs (as ever) are great.
And then we got Death! I’m loving all the references to mythology and folklore/etc. you’re putting in here. Not much to say, but the idea is very cool, and I thought the bit about sulfur was pretty funny.
Morgana and Dylan team-up! And Dylan gets his own Phantom Thief costume! Honestly that’s brilliant - Dylan temporarily becoming a Phantom Thief is such a fun concept! And a very classic Dylan move to not wear a mask so that Quintessus can see his face.
Also interesting that Quintessus refused Izanami’s help! Not too surprising now that I think about it (it stands to reason that any Shadow of Dylan’s would be stubborn), but it was cool that you included that bit.
I’m surprised that Quintessus had enough time and power to create the Four Pillars! But the Forlo fight was good. There were a few places where some extra details could’ve been added, but I appreciate that it was long enough to feel like a struggle, but not so long as to drag down the pacing too much.
Ah, the second of the Four Pillars is named Egil! Dylan, quick, summon the Monado!
Silly Xenoblade joke aside, this was a good fight! The character designs were on point (as always), and I appreciated that you made Egil act a bit differently than Forlo by having him be more controlled at first, even though he unraveled at the end. Looking forward to the other fights! Nice work!
7/18/2021 c199 afterados
Here we go with the Yu v. Margaret battle! I like how you wrote the details, especially early on in the chapter - I particularly love the “their swords dancing in the air” line. I would’ve loved to see more flowery language of that sort more frequently. On an unrelated note, I think that there may be a few too many paragraph breaks in this cahpter, BUT you absolutely had the right idea with showing what each character/Persona was doing at a given moment, because there are only two people and two Personas fighting at any one time. Such a small number of fighters makes a great opportunity to focus on more details, since there’s less to keep track of. (I also like how you were able to add in character description notes in the chapter - as always, you did a good job describing what people look like/are wearing.)
Ohh, very interesting idea with Yu fighting the past Persona game protagonists! Similar thoughts here as to the Margaret fight - a bit too many paragraph breaks, and I would’ve loved to see more flowery language - but I loved how you increased the intensity of the fights from just one protagonist at a time to both of the P3 protagonists at once, especially with the finale being Minato using Messiah, which is pretty crazy powerful!
I also thought it was very Dylan to just show up at the end of the chapter and talk so casually about the assuredly insane things he’s had to deal with on his end. Looking forward to seeing how that plays out in the next few chapters!
Great job here!
Here we go with the Yu v. Margaret battle! I like how you wrote the details, especially early on in the chapter - I particularly love the “their swords dancing in the air” line. I would’ve loved to see more flowery language of that sort more frequently. On an unrelated note, I think that there may be a few too many paragraph breaks in this cahpter, BUT you absolutely had the right idea with showing what each character/Persona was doing at a given moment, because there are only two people and two Personas fighting at any one time. Such a small number of fighters makes a great opportunity to focus on more details, since there’s less to keep track of. (I also like how you were able to add in character description notes in the chapter - as always, you did a good job describing what people look like/are wearing.)
Ohh, very interesting idea with Yu fighting the past Persona game protagonists! Similar thoughts here as to the Margaret fight - a bit too many paragraph breaks, and I would’ve loved to see more flowery language - but I loved how you increased the intensity of the fights from just one protagonist at a time to both of the P3 protagonists at once, especially with the finale being Minato using Messiah, which is pretty crazy powerful!
I also thought it was very Dylan to just show up at the end of the chapter and talk so casually about the assuredly insane things he’s had to deal with on his end. Looking forward to seeing how that plays out in the next few chapters!
Great job here!
6/28/2021 c198 afterados
I like the way you introduced Izanami’s ideology at the start here! And since it’s (presumably) the start of the last big fight of the series, I did like that all the main cast had a quick bit to say. Hearing something from everyone really cemented the feeling of, “oh man, it’s the end of the story!”, which I thought was great. As Yosuke says: “Time for the Grand Finale” indeed!
Right at the start of the battle, there’s a lot of detail about the attacks that each person is using to strike Izanami, but I think the way it’s presented here could use more active language - as it stands now, it reads a bit like a list of details, rather than a narrative, if that makes sense? With the amount of detail here it would be hard to include all of it in an extended passage - that would've been too long - but I would love to see more of a focus on fewer attacks, but with more details on the specifics of what the attacks were doing (what they looked like, the effects they had on Izanami, etc.).
I thought it was good how you broke the fight up a bit with line breaks - showing how long the fight was going on while also not making the chapter too long. And I also really liked the ending! I thought it was particularly cool how Dylan saved Yu with the line "Besides, this has always been your story," which is both very meta but also shows some of Dylan's true feelings about Yu, which I think is cool. Great job!
I like the way you introduced Izanami’s ideology at the start here! And since it’s (presumably) the start of the last big fight of the series, I did like that all the main cast had a quick bit to say. Hearing something from everyone really cemented the feeling of, “oh man, it’s the end of the story!”, which I thought was great. As Yosuke says: “Time for the Grand Finale” indeed!
Right at the start of the battle, there’s a lot of detail about the attacks that each person is using to strike Izanami, but I think the way it’s presented here could use more active language - as it stands now, it reads a bit like a list of details, rather than a narrative, if that makes sense? With the amount of detail here it would be hard to include all of it in an extended passage - that would've been too long - but I would love to see more of a focus on fewer attacks, but with more details on the specifics of what the attacks were doing (what they looked like, the effects they had on Izanami, etc.).
I thought it was good how you broke the fight up a bit with line breaks - showing how long the fight was going on while also not making the chapter too long. And I also really liked the ending! I thought it was particularly cool how Dylan saved Yu with the line "Besides, this has always been your story," which is both very meta but also shows some of Dylan's true feelings about Yu, which I think is cool. Great job!
5/31/2021 c197 afterados
Final arc, here we go!
I like that you mostly skipped through the first few floors of miscellaneous combat, up until the fight with Odokuro started. Since the final arc with Izanami will likely take up several chapters, it’s good that you kept the non-integral parts of the fighting to a minimum, while also showing that Izanami is not just letting the SoT waltz into her realm unimpeded.
The Odokuro fight itself was good! Not as intense as some of your other main fights, but not all fights need to be an all-out to-the-death brawl. I still thought it was good!
It was cool to listen to Izanami’s thoughts as the SoT continued moving through her realm! It totally makes sense to me that she would half-manipulate, half-plead with them as they got closer and closer to her.
Time for the Shiromushi fight! I like that Shiromushi talks while Odokuro didn’t - the fact that Shiromushi talks (and thus seems to have more intelligence than Odokuro) increases his/its perceived threat level, even before Rise confirms that he/it is indeed stronger than Odokuro.
I thought it was very interesting that Yu tried a very “Dylan-like” technique for fighting, by which I mean accepting a one-on-one duel with the enemy. However, it did feel anticlimactic to not show the battle between Yu and Shiromushi, and to have Yu win because Shiromushi let him win. On that note, Shiromushi letting Yu win did seem odd… BUT you did mention in your Author’s Note that some things in this chapter may seem out of place (things which you seem to imply will be explained later), so I’m thinking this is one of those things.
Oh man, that ending was awesome! Perfect way to end the chapter and get everyone ready for presumably the last big fight of LNWU. Great job!
Final arc, here we go!
I like that you mostly skipped through the first few floors of miscellaneous combat, up until the fight with Odokuro started. Since the final arc with Izanami will likely take up several chapters, it’s good that you kept the non-integral parts of the fighting to a minimum, while also showing that Izanami is not just letting the SoT waltz into her realm unimpeded.
The Odokuro fight itself was good! Not as intense as some of your other main fights, but not all fights need to be an all-out to-the-death brawl. I still thought it was good!
It was cool to listen to Izanami’s thoughts as the SoT continued moving through her realm! It totally makes sense to me that she would half-manipulate, half-plead with them as they got closer and closer to her.
Time for the Shiromushi fight! I like that Shiromushi talks while Odokuro didn’t - the fact that Shiromushi talks (and thus seems to have more intelligence than Odokuro) increases his/its perceived threat level, even before Rise confirms that he/it is indeed stronger than Odokuro.
I thought it was very interesting that Yu tried a very “Dylan-like” technique for fighting, by which I mean accepting a one-on-one duel with the enemy. However, it did feel anticlimactic to not show the battle between Yu and Shiromushi, and to have Yu win because Shiromushi let him win. On that note, Shiromushi letting Yu win did seem odd… BUT you did mention in your Author’s Note that some things in this chapter may seem out of place (things which you seem to imply will be explained later), so I’m thinking this is one of those things.
Oh man, that ending was awesome! Perfect way to end the chapter and get everyone ready for presumably the last big fight of LNWU. Great job!
5/31/2021 c196 afterados
This was a cute chapter! I liked the bits where you went through several days in quick succession because it felt like a montage (which I thought was appropriate given that we’re skipping through some time), and ending it with the gang all taking photos together was very cute. I also liked the ending where Dylan and Yu had their exchange about what everyone was up to. That felt like a very natural way to describe everyone’s plans without needing to show each member of the SoT (and Marie) talking about it themselves. My one nitpick is that I can’t see how Dylan would know that the gas station attendant was Izanami - and even if he did know that, knowing her exact motivations seemed a bit unlikely to me. However, I do appreciate that him knowing this does mean that we can move on quickly to the Izanami arc. I also like the interactions between Dylan and Yu in this chapter - it does seem (rightfully so) like they’re close friends now, and seeing them interact like that was great. Good work!
This was a cute chapter! I liked the bits where you went through several days in quick succession because it felt like a montage (which I thought was appropriate given that we’re skipping through some time), and ending it with the gang all taking photos together was very cute. I also liked the ending where Dylan and Yu had their exchange about what everyone was up to. That felt like a very natural way to describe everyone’s plans without needing to show each member of the SoT (and Marie) talking about it themselves. My one nitpick is that I can’t see how Dylan would know that the gas station attendant was Izanami - and even if he did know that, knowing her exact motivations seemed a bit unlikely to me. However, I do appreciate that him knowing this does mean that we can move on quickly to the Izanami arc. I also like the interactions between Dylan and Yu in this chapter - it does seem (rightfully so) like they’re close friends now, and seeing them interact like that was great. Good work!
5/11/2021 c195 afterados
Oumagatsu battle time!
I dig the opening section where Oumagatsu lays out his idealogy, and the SoT (and extras) explain why they disagree. It’s a brief passage that makes it very clear why these two sides are fighting in a way that totally makes sense to me. Well done! My one gripe is the lack of a clear explanation for why Oumagatsu can summon the power of a Wild Card, but he /is/ a very powerful deity, so it’s certainly not out of the question for him to do so - I just would’ve liked to have that explained more.
I also would’ve liked more details about how Oumagatsu is attacking in the section /before/ he starts summoning personas. The action was a little unclear to me until he started summoning personas.
For the most part, the detail and active language in this fight is fantastic! I love the phrases like “Oumagatsu’s face seemed to contort into a hyena-like snarl” (though I think you could’ve left out “seemed to”), and “Arkham spat out clouds of poisonous mist.” Both phrases (and all those similar to them) that really put the focus on the action happening and portray it in an exciting way!
I did think the latter part of the Oumagatsu fight got a bit repetitive (which Oumagatsu himself mentioned!). But the fight was still fun to read for the most part, and I especially enjoyed reading the combo attacks! I appreciate how each of the combo attacks was symbolic of the personality of/relationships between the two people performing the combo attack.
Deus Ex Adeline! I thought that Adeline’s intro was cool, and it really does go to show that there is almost always a bigger fish in this setting. It is a bit anticlimactic to have Oumagatsu just turn to dust like that, but holy cow it does show you just how powerful Adeline is.
And here we go - looks like we’re onto the true endgame now! Izanami awaits!
Even with my gripes, I still enjoyed this chapter. Great work as usual!
Oumagatsu battle time!
I dig the opening section where Oumagatsu lays out his idealogy, and the SoT (and extras) explain why they disagree. It’s a brief passage that makes it very clear why these two sides are fighting in a way that totally makes sense to me. Well done! My one gripe is the lack of a clear explanation for why Oumagatsu can summon the power of a Wild Card, but he /is/ a very powerful deity, so it’s certainly not out of the question for him to do so - I just would’ve liked to have that explained more.
I also would’ve liked more details about how Oumagatsu is attacking in the section /before/ he starts summoning personas. The action was a little unclear to me until he started summoning personas.
For the most part, the detail and active language in this fight is fantastic! I love the phrases like “Oumagatsu’s face seemed to contort into a hyena-like snarl” (though I think you could’ve left out “seemed to”), and “Arkham spat out clouds of poisonous mist.” Both phrases (and all those similar to them) that really put the focus on the action happening and portray it in an exciting way!
I did think the latter part of the Oumagatsu fight got a bit repetitive (which Oumagatsu himself mentioned!). But the fight was still fun to read for the most part, and I especially enjoyed reading the combo attacks! I appreciate how each of the combo attacks was symbolic of the personality of/relationships between the two people performing the combo attack.
Deus Ex Adeline! I thought that Adeline’s intro was cool, and it really does go to show that there is almost always a bigger fish in this setting. It is a bit anticlimactic to have Oumagatsu just turn to dust like that, but holy cow it does show you just how powerful Adeline is.
And here we go - looks like we’re onto the true endgame now! Izanami awaits!
Even with my gripes, I still enjoyed this chapter. Great work as usual!
5/1/2021 c194 afterados
On my first read, I wasn’t the biggest fan of the execution of the first part of this chapter (before the introduction of Callum). But skimming it again, I actually do like it - I appreciate that you showed just how difficult the fight up in the Temple of Calamity is without slowing down to show a lot of details of the “unimportant” fights (the ones with the generic Shadows). I think my initial problem was that it felt like it was missing details about the individual characters’ actions, but I now realize that adding that in would have made the chapter prohibitively long. So I think you made the right choice!
I am disappointed that we didn’t get to see the fights with Callum, Jacques, Kirei, Saki and Miranda - but I understand why you omitted them. Similar to what I said above, including all of those fights would have taken a /very/ long time, and though it would have been cool, it also would have been an insane amount of work for you, and it would have slowed down the pacing significantly. It is somewhat anticlimactic that we don’t get to see the result of a fight with Dylan’s mom, but again, I get why you made the choice, and I think you made the right choice.
This is a small detail, but: I like the fact that Sho and Brianna kept silent while the rest of the group was chatting! It makes sense that neither of them would be as comfortable with the group’s banter, as they aren’t exactly part of the group officially.
And now, the Spitz/Dylan fight! I would’ve liked a bit more of an intro to the fight to build up tension, but honestly I think it’s also quite appropriate for those two to just immediately go at it. And the fight is really great! I love the details you added, especially the close ups of Dylan and Spitz’s faces when they’re mid-way through the fight. The short passage describing the cuts and bruises on them was a fantastic way to give the reader some quick insight into the status of the fighters (whil also giving them a visual of how they’re looking), and also a good way to break up the action for a moment. Excellent, excellent stuff!
Man, this fight really is so good. I love the details, I love how animated and active the language you use is… just, really good job here!
I’m now in the part where Dylan and Spitz are fighting with weapons (well, transformed-form for Spitz), and I’m enjoying it immensely. Similar to the Mitsuo/Dylan fight, I’m personally able to get into this fight more because we’re reminded of their super-human status - which makes the super-human things they do much more understandable to me. This may just be a personal preference of mine, but I really like how you do it here!
Man. I just now finished the chapter. I don’t have a lot extra to say about the latter half of the fight, because most of my points above still apply. I think that this was a fantastically done fight - you kept the details consistent throughout, the action was intense and fun, and overall just… it was good. It was really good. Great job!
On my first read, I wasn’t the biggest fan of the execution of the first part of this chapter (before the introduction of Callum). But skimming it again, I actually do like it - I appreciate that you showed just how difficult the fight up in the Temple of Calamity is without slowing down to show a lot of details of the “unimportant” fights (the ones with the generic Shadows). I think my initial problem was that it felt like it was missing details about the individual characters’ actions, but I now realize that adding that in would have made the chapter prohibitively long. So I think you made the right choice!
I am disappointed that we didn’t get to see the fights with Callum, Jacques, Kirei, Saki and Miranda - but I understand why you omitted them. Similar to what I said above, including all of those fights would have taken a /very/ long time, and though it would have been cool, it also would have been an insane amount of work for you, and it would have slowed down the pacing significantly. It is somewhat anticlimactic that we don’t get to see the result of a fight with Dylan’s mom, but again, I get why you made the choice, and I think you made the right choice.
This is a small detail, but: I like the fact that Sho and Brianna kept silent while the rest of the group was chatting! It makes sense that neither of them would be as comfortable with the group’s banter, as they aren’t exactly part of the group officially.
And now, the Spitz/Dylan fight! I would’ve liked a bit more of an intro to the fight to build up tension, but honestly I think it’s also quite appropriate for those two to just immediately go at it. And the fight is really great! I love the details you added, especially the close ups of Dylan and Spitz’s faces when they’re mid-way through the fight. The short passage describing the cuts and bruises on them was a fantastic way to give the reader some quick insight into the status of the fighters (whil also giving them a visual of how they’re looking), and also a good way to break up the action for a moment. Excellent, excellent stuff!
Man, this fight really is so good. I love the details, I love how animated and active the language you use is… just, really good job here!
I’m now in the part where Dylan and Spitz are fighting with weapons (well, transformed-form for Spitz), and I’m enjoying it immensely. Similar to the Mitsuo/Dylan fight, I’m personally able to get into this fight more because we’re reminded of their super-human status - which makes the super-human things they do much more understandable to me. This may just be a personal preference of mine, but I really like how you do it here!
Man. I just now finished the chapter. I don’t have a lot extra to say about the latter half of the fight, because most of my points above still apply. I think that this was a fantastically done fight - you kept the details consistent throughout, the action was intense and fun, and overall just… it was good. It was really good. Great job!
4/15/2021 c193 afterados
Here we go, Dylan and Mitsuo final(?) fight - hype time! But first, other fight time!
Interesting that Wes, Anatoly and Bertolt were able to transform without invokers. Is that due to a power-up courtesy of Oumagatsu?
Ooh, I like Grydyne! I thought you’d created the idea yourself until I looked it up, but I still like the idea of the spell being forgotten/unknown to the more “recent” Persona users.
Oh damn, Mitsuo literally won’t let anything get in between him and Dylan! Wow, he straight up /killed/ the trio of Omega Franchisers in the way. That’s crazy! Mitsuo definitely seems a little unhinged!
I thought that overall their banter/trash-talking (right after Mitsuo wiped out Wes, Anatoly and Bertolt, but before the Dylan/Mitsuo fight actually started) was great. Though there were one or two times that Dylan and Mitsuo repeated their points, I think their talk shows the character development and/or flaws in both of them very well, and succinctly summarizes just why these two have to fight. (To me, it's because Mitsuo just really can’t let go of his grudge, and Dylan is more than willing to oblige in a fight.)
It is so fitting that the final Mitsuo v. Dylan fight is a cage match. And I love that they’re starting with their fists - because I have a feeling things will just keep escalating and escalating, and I'm excited to see that!
Ok, as of writing this paragraph, I just got to the part where Dylan had broken Mitsuo’s neck, and Mitsuo just turned it back around again (and holy /cow/ that’s pretty cool and messed up - in a good way!). Where I am right now, I think this is one of your best fights yet! Under normal circumstances, I would feel a bit weird about how someone could just turn their neck back around, but you already showed that Mitsuo is not particularly human anymore because he’s bleeding black ichor, not blood. So the audience already has it in mind that Mitsuo is other-wordly, which makes his superhuman feat of un-breaking his neck just bad-ass, rather than illusion-of-disbelief-ruining. Similarly with Dylan, the fact that you reference his Papillon Heart reminds us that Dylan, too, is a bit more than human nowadays, which makes /his/ feats more understandable, too. Last, the detail in this fight is /so/ good. I love that the fight is so intense, and the fact that you include each blow is the perfect choice imo. This fight is the culmination of almost 200 chapters of these two hating each other, so now is the /perfect/ time to pull out all the stops and include all the detail, and you delivered! Also - since I know I’ve criticized your gory-ness in the past - let me say that I think you’ve included the perfect level of gore as of where I am in the chapter. The gore you’ve included here is gruesome, but not gratuitous. It makes /sense/ for how much these two are going at it, and it doesn’t seem like gore for the sake of gore - and for me, that makes all the difference.
Ok, I’m now up to the part where Dylan summons Stormbringer - and hey, I understood those MCU Infinity War references! :) If I’m being honest, I would’ve loved to see an original design from you for Dylan’s power-up weapon, but Stormbringer /is/ a very cool design, so I’m not gonna complain too much.
That aside - the section of the fight where Dylan fights with Jarnbjorn is great! Mitsuo’s power-up is very cool - which is unsurprising, since your designs are always very cool, but I still wanted to point it out. And I love that Dylan is actually pushed into a corner here, and forced to try to use Orgia mode. I didn't even /think/ about him using Orgia mode, but it totally makes sense since he has a Papillon heart! Great inclusion.
And I’ve now finished the chapter. Dang, that was quite a ride! I stand by my earlier opinion that this was one of your best fights yet - I love the gradual build-up from fist-fight all the way until tearing fabrics in reality (which I personally think is a little over-the-top, but hey - it was very indicative of Mitsuo’s power!). I also loved that Mitsuo’s final downfall was that he betrayed Oumagatsu - it feels very fitting. The fact that he would do /anything/ to get revenge on Dylan - even things that will clearly and obviously backfire - was his undoing, and that feels like the perfect end to this obsessed character’s arc.
Wow. What a way to end the Dylan and Mitsuo saga. That was very well done - great job!
Here we go, Dylan and Mitsuo final(?) fight - hype time! But first, other fight time!
Interesting that Wes, Anatoly and Bertolt were able to transform without invokers. Is that due to a power-up courtesy of Oumagatsu?
Ooh, I like Grydyne! I thought you’d created the idea yourself until I looked it up, but I still like the idea of the spell being forgotten/unknown to the more “recent” Persona users.
Oh damn, Mitsuo literally won’t let anything get in between him and Dylan! Wow, he straight up /killed/ the trio of Omega Franchisers in the way. That’s crazy! Mitsuo definitely seems a little unhinged!
I thought that overall their banter/trash-talking (right after Mitsuo wiped out Wes, Anatoly and Bertolt, but before the Dylan/Mitsuo fight actually started) was great. Though there were one or two times that Dylan and Mitsuo repeated their points, I think their talk shows the character development and/or flaws in both of them very well, and succinctly summarizes just why these two have to fight. (To me, it's because Mitsuo just really can’t let go of his grudge, and Dylan is more than willing to oblige in a fight.)
It is so fitting that the final Mitsuo v. Dylan fight is a cage match. And I love that they’re starting with their fists - because I have a feeling things will just keep escalating and escalating, and I'm excited to see that!
Ok, as of writing this paragraph, I just got to the part where Dylan had broken Mitsuo’s neck, and Mitsuo just turned it back around again (and holy /cow/ that’s pretty cool and messed up - in a good way!). Where I am right now, I think this is one of your best fights yet! Under normal circumstances, I would feel a bit weird about how someone could just turn their neck back around, but you already showed that Mitsuo is not particularly human anymore because he’s bleeding black ichor, not blood. So the audience already has it in mind that Mitsuo is other-wordly, which makes his superhuman feat of un-breaking his neck just bad-ass, rather than illusion-of-disbelief-ruining. Similarly with Dylan, the fact that you reference his Papillon Heart reminds us that Dylan, too, is a bit more than human nowadays, which makes /his/ feats more understandable, too. Last, the detail in this fight is /so/ good. I love that the fight is so intense, and the fact that you include each blow is the perfect choice imo. This fight is the culmination of almost 200 chapters of these two hating each other, so now is the /perfect/ time to pull out all the stops and include all the detail, and you delivered! Also - since I know I’ve criticized your gory-ness in the past - let me say that I think you’ve included the perfect level of gore as of where I am in the chapter. The gore you’ve included here is gruesome, but not gratuitous. It makes /sense/ for how much these two are going at it, and it doesn’t seem like gore for the sake of gore - and for me, that makes all the difference.
Ok, I’m now up to the part where Dylan summons Stormbringer - and hey, I understood those MCU Infinity War references! :) If I’m being honest, I would’ve loved to see an original design from you for Dylan’s power-up weapon, but Stormbringer /is/ a very cool design, so I’m not gonna complain too much.
That aside - the section of the fight where Dylan fights with Jarnbjorn is great! Mitsuo’s power-up is very cool - which is unsurprising, since your designs are always very cool, but I still wanted to point it out. And I love that Dylan is actually pushed into a corner here, and forced to try to use Orgia mode. I didn't even /think/ about him using Orgia mode, but it totally makes sense since he has a Papillon heart! Great inclusion.
And I’ve now finished the chapter. Dang, that was quite a ride! I stand by my earlier opinion that this was one of your best fights yet - I love the gradual build-up from fist-fight all the way until tearing fabrics in reality (which I personally think is a little over-the-top, but hey - it was very indicative of Mitsuo’s power!). I also loved that Mitsuo’s final downfall was that he betrayed Oumagatsu - it feels very fitting. The fact that he would do /anything/ to get revenge on Dylan - even things that will clearly and obviously backfire - was his undoing, and that feels like the perfect end to this obsessed character’s arc.
Wow. What a way to end the Dylan and Mitsuo saga. That was very well done - great job!
4/5/2021 c192 afterados
Good job on this chapter! I honestly don’t have too much specific to say about it, but I appreciate the effort that was put into trying to balance the action between all the characters. Especially after reading your second AN, I can imagine that it would be /really/ tough, and I think you did a good job of balancing it out. Since showing each of the fights in detail would be untenable, I think your idea of adding in small dashes of depth worked well. If you’re looking for other ideas you can use in the future, another way to handle it could be to focus in on one fight in particular and show it in more depth, and then summarize the others in briefer words. But again, the way you did it here was great!
I have to quickly say - I am so confused by the “A wonderful bird is the pelican…” bit! It was very funny to me, and I apologize if this is something that is a reference to an earlier part of the story that I’ve forgotten... but it seemed so random and out of nowhere that it made me smile.
Aside from that - I think this chapter was a good way to start getting these big fights out of the way while keeping the pacing fast so we can make it to the even bigger fights which I’m sure are coming soon (including what I assume will be the final Mitsuo v. Dylan fight!). Good job!
Good job on this chapter! I honestly don’t have too much specific to say about it, but I appreciate the effort that was put into trying to balance the action between all the characters. Especially after reading your second AN, I can imagine that it would be /really/ tough, and I think you did a good job of balancing it out. Since showing each of the fights in detail would be untenable, I think your idea of adding in small dashes of depth worked well. If you’re looking for other ideas you can use in the future, another way to handle it could be to focus in on one fight in particular and show it in more depth, and then summarize the others in briefer words. But again, the way you did it here was great!
I have to quickly say - I am so confused by the “A wonderful bird is the pelican…” bit! It was very funny to me, and I apologize if this is something that is a reference to an earlier part of the story that I’ve forgotten... but it seemed so random and out of nowhere that it made me smile.
Aside from that - I think this chapter was a good way to start getting these big fights out of the way while keeping the pacing fast so we can make it to the even bigger fights which I’m sure are coming soon (including what I assume will be the final Mitsuo v. Dylan fight!). Good job!