for Persona 4: Leave No Words Unspoken1/21/2018 c95 
2afterados
Good: I like the contrast between the wild cards that Yu cant be corrupted but Dylan can be. Aww and the rest of the chapter was very cute too, especially Yu observing everyone at Dojima’s and Marie filming everyone with a recorder.
Improvements: none, keep it up!
2afteradosGood: I like the contrast between the wild cards that Yu cant be corrupted but Dylan can be. Aww and the rest of the chapter was very cute too, especially Yu observing everyone at Dojima’s and Marie filming everyone with a recorder.
Improvements: none, keep it up!
1/21/2018 c94 afterados
Good: I totally approve of yukiko bringing up how she doesn’t need to show off her martial arts skills and how Dylan fights everything.
Improvements: I think the pacing’s slowing down a bit again, seems like the current arc isn’t introducing too many new ideas now (as mentioned above, you ARE putting new ideas in, just not enough to justify staying on the current arc imo).
Good: I totally approve of yukiko bringing up how she doesn’t need to show off her martial arts skills and how Dylan fights everything.
Improvements: I think the pacing’s slowing down a bit again, seems like the current arc isn’t introducing too many new ideas now (as mentioned above, you ARE putting new ideas in, just not enough to justify staying on the current arc imo).
1/21/2018 c93 afterados
Good: Cool idea with Rise’s manager agreeing to taje on the dudes as manager! Normally id think it’s a bit of a stretch (it is a little bit), but it does make sense as Rise’s manager a) doing a favor for Rise and b) noticing the dudes’ talent. Awesome idea! Ahaha oh my god Minato’s nickname is “toto”, that’s funny! Also I 110% approve of developing Adachi’s character by giving him a relatable side, that’s awesome. And oh god, Kanami... Travis is way out of your age range lady!
Improvements: This battle of the bands arc is stretching just a bit long, though in your defense you are adding new elements (see, like, everything above).
Good: Cool idea with Rise’s manager agreeing to taje on the dudes as manager! Normally id think it’s a bit of a stretch (it is a little bit), but it does make sense as Rise’s manager a) doing a favor for Rise and b) noticing the dudes’ talent. Awesome idea! Ahaha oh my god Minato’s nickname is “toto”, that’s funny! Also I 110% approve of developing Adachi’s character by giving him a relatable side, that’s awesome. And oh god, Kanami... Travis is way out of your age range lady!
Improvements: This battle of the bands arc is stretching just a bit long, though in your defense you are adding new elements (see, like, everything above).
1/21/2018 c92 afterados
Good: still good to see a couple (rise and steve) talking and getting to know each other! I also love the new interactions with yukiko and Dylan now that they can read each others minds, yukikos reactions are a joy to read! And glad to see plot development with Dylan now knowing what happened in the original timeline.
Improvements: Maybe there couldve been more build up to the "Dylan finds out about his past" thing?
Good: still good to see a couple (rise and steve) talking and getting to know each other! I also love the new interactions with yukiko and Dylan now that they can read each others minds, yukikos reactions are a joy to read! And glad to see plot development with Dylan now knowing what happened in the original timeline.
Improvements: Maybe there couldve been more build up to the "Dylan finds out about his past" thing?
1/21/2018 c91 afterados
Good: Aw cute scene with dylan and nanako! And I like the scene consistency of referencing the umbrella dylan borrowed from nanako in the following scenes. Aha, and a reference to Dylan killing kubo and wondering why it wasn’t an issue!
Improvements: None!
Good: Aw cute scene with dylan and nanako! And I like the scene consistency of referencing the umbrella dylan borrowed from nanako in the following scenes. Aha, and a reference to Dylan killing kubo and wondering why it wasn’t an issue!
Improvements: None!
1/21/2018 c90 afterados
Good: Ahaha steve and dylans new song is reach out to the truth, awesome! Also good that yukiko’s reminding dylan about school, that does indeed still exist, easy as it is to forget with all the other stuff happening.
Improvements: Tho its interesting that Yosuke had a premonition in his dream, im kinda left wondering why? You might have a reason in a later chapter (in which case ignore this), but felt I should mention that.
Good: Ahaha steve and dylans new song is reach out to the truth, awesome! Also good that yukiko’s reminding dylan about school, that does indeed still exist, easy as it is to forget with all the other stuff happening.
Improvements: Tho its interesting that Yosuke had a premonition in his dream, im kinda left wondering why? You might have a reason in a later chapter (in which case ignore this), but felt I should mention that.
1/21/2018 c89 afterados
Good: Ha, "WHERE ARE ALL THE BAAAAAABES?!" "I'm pretty sure you just scared them off." Great line! And yes Travis, these girls DO wish to be treated as human beings. Really great ideas with the mind reading between yukiko and dylan b/c of the adamantine bond. Just a general note btw, you’ve gotten really fantastic at your dialogue, seriously it’s such a joy to read now. Keep it up!
Improvements: Slight critique, Hikaru and Dylan fighting didn’t really make sense for the reasons Hikaru said, but I know it’s supposed to be mostly a fight for fightings sake so I don’t think its that big a deal.
Good: Ha, "WHERE ARE ALL THE BAAAAAABES?!" "I'm pretty sure you just scared them off." Great line! And yes Travis, these girls DO wish to be treated as human beings. Really great ideas with the mind reading between yukiko and dylan b/c of the adamantine bond. Just a general note btw, you’ve gotten really fantastic at your dialogue, seriously it’s such a joy to read now. Keep it up!
Improvements: Slight critique, Hikaru and Dylan fighting didn’t really make sense for the reasons Hikaru said, but I know it’s supposed to be mostly a fight for fightings sake so I don’t think its that big a deal.
1/21/2018 c88 afterados
Good: so much good! First Dylan getting a “trial” for his past actions is just what I liked to see. And right before that, I love howGouto-Douji is supporting him. And just the “Would you mind letting Dylan speak?” “No” interaction between Yukiko and Hikaru was funny. And dude, PERFECT execution on Hikaru and Mariko seeing if Yukiko and Dylan would stand with each other by scaring them! And I like that Marie acknowledges Yu being closer to self-actualization than Dylan, which I 100% agree with given his past actions. Also didn’t know the word “pillory”, Im learning new things! And yukiko/dylan scene with them talking like friends and having sex, and shinji interrupting them… I cant say enough good about this chapter man, absolutely amazing job!
Improvements: zero!
Good: so much good! First Dylan getting a “trial” for his past actions is just what I liked to see. And right before that, I love howGouto-Douji is supporting him. And just the “Would you mind letting Dylan speak?” “No” interaction between Yukiko and Hikaru was funny. And dude, PERFECT execution on Hikaru and Mariko seeing if Yukiko and Dylan would stand with each other by scaring them! And I like that Marie acknowledges Yu being closer to self-actualization than Dylan, which I 100% agree with given his past actions. Also didn’t know the word “pillory”, Im learning new things! And yukiko/dylan scene with them talking like friends and having sex, and shinji interrupting them… I cant say enough good about this chapter man, absolutely amazing job!
Improvements: zero!
1/21/2018 c87 afterados
Good: Wow. Honestly nothing I can say, this was a fantastic chapter! I loved the normal date-night part of the chapter, and for some reason the sex part felt more caring than normal, possibly because they were both still talking through most of it like friends. And cool adamantine bond, neat idea!
Improvements: none, keep up the great work!
Good: Wow. Honestly nothing I can say, this was a fantastic chapter! I loved the normal date-night part of the chapter, and for some reason the sex part felt more caring than normal, possibly because they were both still talking through most of it like friends. And cool adamantine bond, neat idea!
Improvements: none, keep up the great work!
1/21/2018 c86 afterados
Good: As usual, glad Dylan’s acknowledging what he did was wrong. And nice Yukiko/dylan scene that DIDN'T end in sex, I appreciate that!
Improvements: Still a bit miffed that Dylan got off 100% free for such an atrocity. Also at the last paragraph, haha I think its Yukiko/dylan’s 8 MONTH anniversary, not just 8th anniversary (that implies 8 years).
Good: As usual, glad Dylan’s acknowledging what he did was wrong. And nice Yukiko/dylan scene that DIDN'T end in sex, I appreciate that!
Improvements: Still a bit miffed that Dylan got off 100% free for such an atrocity. Also at the last paragraph, haha I think its Yukiko/dylan’s 8 MONTH anniversary, not just 8th anniversary (that implies 8 years).
1/21/2018 c85 afterados
Good: Cool to see that Mitsuo DID prove that our protagonists aren't the heroes they want to be! And aw dude, that Yu/Yukiko friendship scene was fantastic! I'd love to see more chars interact with ppl other than their romantic interests, because that scene was great. The Rise/Stephen scene was also great for me because it felt like more than just build up to smut, they were also talking like friends and we learned something about Rise.
Improvements: Still disappointed that Dylan's getting off easy when it comes to Dojima, I feel like Dojima would be out to arrest Dylan the second he knew Dylan killed Mitsuo.
Good: Cool to see that Mitsuo DID prove that our protagonists aren't the heroes they want to be! And aw dude, that Yu/Yukiko friendship scene was fantastic! I'd love to see more chars interact with ppl other than their romantic interests, because that scene was great. The Rise/Stephen scene was also great for me because it felt like more than just build up to smut, they were also talking like friends and we learned something about Rise.
Improvements: Still disappointed that Dylan's getting off easy when it comes to Dojima, I feel like Dojima would be out to arrest Dylan the second he knew Dylan killed Mitsuo.
1/21/2018 c84 afterados
Good: More Dylan reflecting on his actions! More Dojima/Yu interactions!
Improvements: none that I can think of, keep it up!
Good: More Dylan reflecting on his actions! More Dojima/Yu interactions!
Improvements: none that I can think of, keep it up!
1/21/2018 c83 afterados
Good: Hahaha “certain unprintable gesture”, good line! Also “if you were any hammier, we’d have to open up a deli”, I love how dorky that is! (I do genuinely mean that as a compliment, by the way). Time for a new story arc! Im curious to see how this is going to impact Dylan/everyone.
Improvements: I don't think you need need to mention every person’s persona at the start. And I'm still disappointed that Dylan’s barbaric acts still have no consequence for him yet… though I may be proven wrong in the coming chapters.
Good: Hahaha “certain unprintable gesture”, good line! Also “if you were any hammier, we’d have to open up a deli”, I love how dorky that is! (I do genuinely mean that as a compliment, by the way). Time for a new story arc! Im curious to see how this is going to impact Dylan/everyone.
Improvements: I don't think you need need to mention every person’s persona at the start. And I'm still disappointed that Dylan’s barbaric acts still have no consequence for him yet… though I may be proven wrong in the coming chapters.
1/21/2018 c82 afterados
Good: dylan reflecting on his and Yukiko’s relationship through talking with Nametame. Glad hes being a bit introspective for once! And good set up for the big battle next chapter!
Improvements: Wait what happened to the truth serum? Does Chase know anything extra about Dylan now?
Good: dylan reflecting on his and Yukiko’s relationship through talking with Nametame. Glad hes being a bit introspective for once! And good set up for the big battle next chapter!
Improvements: Wait what happened to the truth serum? Does Chase know anything extra about Dylan now?
1/21/2018 c81 afterados
Good: quote at the start and the related title, very nice! Also cool idea with the Kirijo spectrometer having differing center of gravity. Also I LOVE vince and jodie’s interactions! Hey and Dylan and Stephen actually talk about their problems! That build up to the Yu and Dylan fight was great, and im glad to see Dylan maybe actually starting to get over himself and realize he’s messing up (with him breaking down and crying).
Improvements: Getting some serious déjà vu with a lot of these story beats… I feel like its been a lot of the same stuff the past several chapters, with everyone worrying about Dylan and then he does something stupid that he told everyone he wouldn’t. I think you could probably just do that like once or twice and then wrap up this arc. Aw man and I think that Yu v. Dylan fight couldve gone on way longer, it's kind've anticlimactic to have it end after just one spell like it does here.
Good: quote at the start and the related title, very nice! Also cool idea with the Kirijo spectrometer having differing center of gravity. Also I LOVE vince and jodie’s interactions! Hey and Dylan and Stephen actually talk about their problems! That build up to the Yu and Dylan fight was great, and im glad to see Dylan maybe actually starting to get over himself and realize he’s messing up (with him breaking down and crying).
Improvements: Getting some serious déjà vu with a lot of these story beats… I feel like its been a lot of the same stuff the past several chapters, with everyone worrying about Dylan and then he does something stupid that he told everyone he wouldn’t. I think you could probably just do that like once or twice and then wrap up this arc. Aw man and I think that Yu v. Dylan fight couldve gone on way longer, it's kind've anticlimactic to have it end after just one spell like it does here.