for Persona 4: Leave No Words Unspoken8/11/2015 c66 
2afterados
Another great chapter here!
Starting off with the whole Steve finding the body scene was great imo. I loved the transition between the morning-after laziness to Steve’s sobbing when he finds out that Morooka’s dead, it was a great contrast between the start and end.
Also, before I say anything else about /this/ chapter, lemme say that now that I know Morooka’s dead, I think your last scene with him in the last chapter really was the /perfect/ way to send off your version of Morooka. It was just… argh, it was /really/ good dude!
Moving on:
Yu juggling with contacting the rest of the IT at home was a neat little look into one of the difficulties he must have being the appointed leader of the group. Nothing else to say really, but cool little scene!
The part at the Junes food court was /excellent/! It was fantastic how you let Steve be really touchy about Morooka being called King Moron, and I liked how the IT reaffirmed their goals like they did at the end.
More Yamaichi/Mitsuo shenanigans are always welcome, though it does feel a bit like we’ve seen this scene a few times at this point… I do understand the necessity for these little parts (after all, how else would Yamaichi know about Gregory being Steve’s dad?), but I guess I think a bit more diversity in these scenes would be nice (if it’s possible; I know it certainly wouldn’t be easy given these two’s characters).
Nanako/Dylan/Mitsuo scene was good too. It was a neat little look into Mitsuo’s psyche: able to bully a tiny girl, but the moment someone his age walks up, he scurries off.
The Steve/Naoto/Rise scene was super interesting! I feel kinda bad for Naoto for Steve going off at her, but I loved that a) Rise also thought Steve was out of line, and b) there’s an underlying reason why Steve didn’t like Naoto/cops in general. I can’t wait to see why that is!
D’aww. It’s about time these two said what’s on their mind! I don’t have much else to say, but that Dylan/Yukiko scene was adorable.
Ah, Kevin. What a jerk. Not much to say here, but it's good to know that Kevin, like everyone he's related to, is a total scumbag.
I really liked the Kuzunoha scene! It felt like a secret society of a sort (which it kinda was, I guess?), and I can see Dylan being really happy with this new “family” of his once (or if) he’s truly accepted into their ranks.
“What would they have been like if they didn’t have personas?” That’s a super interesting question Mina asks at the end of that section, and it was an amazing way to finish off that section. The rest of the scene was good too, of course, and it’s great to see Chase get out of the family officially. Though goodness knows that despite his self-ejection from his family, that won’t be the last of his family troubles.
Okay, I’ve gotta say: that part at the very end with Yukiko and Dylan talking in bed together was my favorite part of the chapter. It was just /really/ good bedtime chatter, and I loved the way you wrote it: quick descriptions of /how/ they said their words, but not descriptions of /what/ they’re saying aside from the words inside the quotes themselves (i.e. you mostly said “Yukio whistled” or “Dylan smiled” instead of “Dylan was trying to console her” or something like that.)
Phew, pretty long chapter, but it was a good one! Can’t wait to see where this is going, keep up the great work!
2afteradosAnother great chapter here!
Starting off with the whole Steve finding the body scene was great imo. I loved the transition between the morning-after laziness to Steve’s sobbing when he finds out that Morooka’s dead, it was a great contrast between the start and end.
Also, before I say anything else about /this/ chapter, lemme say that now that I know Morooka’s dead, I think your last scene with him in the last chapter really was the /perfect/ way to send off your version of Morooka. It was just… argh, it was /really/ good dude!
Moving on:
Yu juggling with contacting the rest of the IT at home was a neat little look into one of the difficulties he must have being the appointed leader of the group. Nothing else to say really, but cool little scene!
The part at the Junes food court was /excellent/! It was fantastic how you let Steve be really touchy about Morooka being called King Moron, and I liked how the IT reaffirmed their goals like they did at the end.
More Yamaichi/Mitsuo shenanigans are always welcome, though it does feel a bit like we’ve seen this scene a few times at this point… I do understand the necessity for these little parts (after all, how else would Yamaichi know about Gregory being Steve’s dad?), but I guess I think a bit more diversity in these scenes would be nice (if it’s possible; I know it certainly wouldn’t be easy given these two’s characters).
Nanako/Dylan/Mitsuo scene was good too. It was a neat little look into Mitsuo’s psyche: able to bully a tiny girl, but the moment someone his age walks up, he scurries off.
The Steve/Naoto/Rise scene was super interesting! I feel kinda bad for Naoto for Steve going off at her, but I loved that a) Rise also thought Steve was out of line, and b) there’s an underlying reason why Steve didn’t like Naoto/cops in general. I can’t wait to see why that is!
D’aww. It’s about time these two said what’s on their mind! I don’t have much else to say, but that Dylan/Yukiko scene was adorable.
Ah, Kevin. What a jerk. Not much to say here, but it's good to know that Kevin, like everyone he's related to, is a total scumbag.
I really liked the Kuzunoha scene! It felt like a secret society of a sort (which it kinda was, I guess?), and I can see Dylan being really happy with this new “family” of his once (or if) he’s truly accepted into their ranks.
“What would they have been like if they didn’t have personas?” That’s a super interesting question Mina asks at the end of that section, and it was an amazing way to finish off that section. The rest of the scene was good too, of course, and it’s great to see Chase get out of the family officially. Though goodness knows that despite his self-ejection from his family, that won’t be the last of his family troubles.
Okay, I’ve gotta say: that part at the very end with Yukiko and Dylan talking in bed together was my favorite part of the chapter. It was just /really/ good bedtime chatter, and I loved the way you wrote it: quick descriptions of /how/ they said their words, but not descriptions of /what/ they’re saying aside from the words inside the quotes themselves (i.e. you mostly said “Yukio whistled” or “Dylan smiled” instead of “Dylan was trying to console her” or something like that.)
Phew, pretty long chapter, but it was a good one! Can’t wait to see where this is going, keep up the great work!
8/6/2015 c1 Doom Marine 54
No one wants to read about you lame ass gary-stu. Or did you not get that by the fact that you can't even manage one review per chapter?
No one wants to read about you lame ass gary-stu. Or did you not get that by the fact that you can't even manage one review per chapter?
8/4/2015 c65 2afterados
Ohhhhhkay… this chapter? AMAZING.
First things first, I really loved the very first section with Dylan and Morooka. As of when I'm writing this (which will be some time before I post it), I dunno yet if you’ve decided to actually kill off Morooka, but if you have, that was just about the perfect way to send him off: get us to like him just a bit more than you already have, and then ship him off to an untimely demise. And that aside, just the way you wrote Dylan and Morooka talking together was so great! Like, the little line about Morooka’s smile unsettling Dylan was great, because God knows /I’d/ be unsettled if I saw Morooka smiling.
Anyways, yeah, I loved that part! Moving on.
The part with Stephen and Rise was good too, though not quite as amazing as the previous section. I don’t really have too much to say about it, you’ve heard all my comments from previous scenes like this: a tad more detail would’ve been nice, but it was enjoyable to see this couple again.
The little scene at the Nomura Residence was cool too. Seeing those characters was fun ‘cuz we don’t see them that often, and it’s nice to know that Stephen will finally know his heritage.
The Gregory/Dojima/Katsuya interrogation was great too! As usual, you totally nailed Gregory’s evilness, but I loved seeing that in contrast to Dojima’s cold detective personality, with Katsuya sorta being the voice for the audience. It was just a fantastic job, and it was great to see all three of them interacting.
Yu and Yosuke’s (and I guess Marie’s) scene was good too, if only to see that Yu’s still struggling with deciding to tell his friends about his future knowledge.
Similar with Yukiko and Dylan’s scene, great to see them together as per usual.
But that last scene with Hiroki and Adachi was fantastic too! I felt it was like the perfect way to end the chapter, as it gives the audience a sort of feeling like there’s a storm coming, especially since throughout this chapter you've hinted that something big is gonna be happening soon. Hell, this whole chapter feels like a “calm before the storm” chapter, and that’s amazing!
Anyways, can’t wait to see what comes next, and keep up the great work!
2afteradosOhhhhhkay… this chapter? AMAZING.
First things first, I really loved the very first section with Dylan and Morooka. As of when I'm writing this (which will be some time before I post it), I dunno yet if you’ve decided to actually kill off Morooka, but if you have, that was just about the perfect way to send him off: get us to like him just a bit more than you already have, and then ship him off to an untimely demise. And that aside, just the way you wrote Dylan and Morooka talking together was so great! Like, the little line about Morooka’s smile unsettling Dylan was great, because God knows /I’d/ be unsettled if I saw Morooka smiling.
Anyways, yeah, I loved that part! Moving on.
The part with Stephen and Rise was good too, though not quite as amazing as the previous section. I don’t really have too much to say about it, you’ve heard all my comments from previous scenes like this: a tad more detail would’ve been nice, but it was enjoyable to see this couple again.
The little scene at the Nomura Residence was cool too. Seeing those characters was fun ‘cuz we don’t see them that often, and it’s nice to know that Stephen will finally know his heritage.
The Gregory/Dojima/Katsuya interrogation was great too! As usual, you totally nailed Gregory’s evilness, but I loved seeing that in contrast to Dojima’s cold detective personality, with Katsuya sorta being the voice for the audience. It was just a fantastic job, and it was great to see all three of them interacting.
Yu and Yosuke’s (and I guess Marie’s) scene was good too, if only to see that Yu’s still struggling with deciding to tell his friends about his future knowledge.
Similar with Yukiko and Dylan’s scene, great to see them together as per usual.
But that last scene with Hiroki and Adachi was fantastic too! I felt it was like the perfect way to end the chapter, as it gives the audience a sort of feeling like there’s a storm coming, especially since throughout this chapter you've hinted that something big is gonna be happening soon. Hell, this whole chapter feels like a “calm before the storm” chapter, and that’s amazing!
Anyways, can’t wait to see what comes next, and keep up the great work!
7/31/2015 c64 afterados
Hey, a flashback chapter! That /is/ a really good idea, I’m super glad you did it! I know I could use a reminder of some of our characters’ pasts, at least.
Aw man, Robert seems like such an awesome older brother. Good on him for trying to take good care of little Dylan like that! We haven’t seen so much of Robert before, so I think this scene does a really great job of characterizing him, especially since we can imagine pretty easily what kind of hellish life a 7-year old Dylan must be living.
Seeing the scene around the birth of Nanako was also really interesting! I feel like we know a lot of the kids’ personalities already, but we don’t see as much of the adults, so it was great seeing them all talk to each other. And hell, how often do we see Dojima that excited? I thought it was another great little characterization scene.
Heh, the little Chie/Yukiko scene was nice too. If I really correctly, they’re supposed to be super good friends in the game, and since we haven’t seen too many scenes with just them together and talking in the rest of the story, it was great to see that friendship here, even if it was a few years prior to the events of the game.
Oh man, I wasn’t expecting this scene! Seeing more Tony and Gregory being evil is fun. Though, I have to say, I think it’d be really interesting to see a scene where they’re /not/ evil, like maybe when they’re really young, and see why they became evil. Just a thought, because as a lot of the characters say, it seems so odd that anyone could be this evil, and I’m pretty curious as to why!
Anyways, the last scene was also neat! Pretty interesting that Igor just sent a letter instead of actually calling Yu into the velvet room, but I like that! Makes Yu’s situation seem even less “normal” (if you can call any situation with personas “normal”) than it was the last time he was called there.
So, all in all, I thought this was a great chapter! Again, really great idea for the flashback chapter, especially if things are gonna get heavy soon (and I have no doubt they will) and also just as a general reminder of some events that haven’t been talked about for a while.
Having said all that, I can’t wait to see what comes next! Keep up the great work!
Hey, a flashback chapter! That /is/ a really good idea, I’m super glad you did it! I know I could use a reminder of some of our characters’ pasts, at least.
Aw man, Robert seems like such an awesome older brother. Good on him for trying to take good care of little Dylan like that! We haven’t seen so much of Robert before, so I think this scene does a really great job of characterizing him, especially since we can imagine pretty easily what kind of hellish life a 7-year old Dylan must be living.
Seeing the scene around the birth of Nanako was also really interesting! I feel like we know a lot of the kids’ personalities already, but we don’t see as much of the adults, so it was great seeing them all talk to each other. And hell, how often do we see Dojima that excited? I thought it was another great little characterization scene.
Heh, the little Chie/Yukiko scene was nice too. If I really correctly, they’re supposed to be super good friends in the game, and since we haven’t seen too many scenes with just them together and talking in the rest of the story, it was great to see that friendship here, even if it was a few years prior to the events of the game.
Oh man, I wasn’t expecting this scene! Seeing more Tony and Gregory being evil is fun. Though, I have to say, I think it’d be really interesting to see a scene where they’re /not/ evil, like maybe when they’re really young, and see why they became evil. Just a thought, because as a lot of the characters say, it seems so odd that anyone could be this evil, and I’m pretty curious as to why!
Anyways, the last scene was also neat! Pretty interesting that Igor just sent a letter instead of actually calling Yu into the velvet room, but I like that! Makes Yu’s situation seem even less “normal” (if you can call any situation with personas “normal”) than it was the last time he was called there.
So, all in all, I thought this was a great chapter! Again, really great idea for the flashback chapter, especially if things are gonna get heavy soon (and I have no doubt they will) and also just as a general reminder of some events that haven’t been talked about for a while.
Having said all that, I can’t wait to see what comes next! Keep up the great work!
7/28/2015 c63 afterados
Nice chapter!
Interesting introduction to Robert right at the beginning. I do wonder what Sho is gonna do in terms of the plot, and/or if he’s gonna drag Robert into the main events of the story somehow, but great job either way!
Haha okay, Steve waking up next to the traffic cone was pretty funny. Don’t have much to say about that little scene aside from that, but it’s nice character interactions as per usual.
I really liked this little scene between Yu and Nanako! It was super interesting how Nanako accidentally brought up some really hard-hitting questions to Yu, and I thought Yu’s responses were spot-on. So great job!
I also enjoyed Gregory’s evilness as usual too. And I’ve gotta say that I have a spark of pride for Dylan standing up to his Dad like that, and for actually not being affected by his words, that was awesome!
Weeell, I dunno how I feel about our three new (well, they’re hardly "new" at this point, but y’ know) Americans also being three new persona users, and especially having their awakening scenes be so quick. I feel like it kinda takes away from the specialness of being a persona user, and of the awakening scene in general, but ah well. Aside from a few sentences that I feel could’ve used some more detail (Like “the rest of the group followed suit” when talking about summoning personas; I know summoning personas is pretty standard stuff by this point, but I think a little more pizazz would’ve been nice there), it was a very fun scene.
That’s all I’ve got for now! Can’t wait to see what comes next, and keep up the great work!
Nice chapter!
Interesting introduction to Robert right at the beginning. I do wonder what Sho is gonna do in terms of the plot, and/or if he’s gonna drag Robert into the main events of the story somehow, but great job either way!
Haha okay, Steve waking up next to the traffic cone was pretty funny. Don’t have much to say about that little scene aside from that, but it’s nice character interactions as per usual.
I really liked this little scene between Yu and Nanako! It was super interesting how Nanako accidentally brought up some really hard-hitting questions to Yu, and I thought Yu’s responses were spot-on. So great job!
I also enjoyed Gregory’s evilness as usual too. And I’ve gotta say that I have a spark of pride for Dylan standing up to his Dad like that, and for actually not being affected by his words, that was awesome!
Weeell, I dunno how I feel about our three new (well, they’re hardly "new" at this point, but y’ know) Americans also being three new persona users, and especially having their awakening scenes be so quick. I feel like it kinda takes away from the specialness of being a persona user, and of the awakening scene in general, but ah well. Aside from a few sentences that I feel could’ve used some more detail (Like “the rest of the group followed suit” when talking about summoning personas; I know summoning personas is pretty standard stuff by this point, but I think a little more pizazz would’ve been nice there), it was a very fun scene.
That’s all I’ve got for now! Can’t wait to see what comes next, and keep up the great work!
7/25/2015 c62 afterados
Oh man, I really enjoyed this chapter!
What I really liked best about this chapter was the build-up. I still have some complaints about how ridiculous it is that Gregory and Tony can get away with all that in such a modern country as Japan, but that aside it was great how you introduced them (and their families) into Inaba. Then, continuing to build up with the tension with him and Tony talking with Hikaru (who I thought handled that situation very well), and last by following him to the quick scene with Takeru. All those scenes combined with the knowledge that we /know/ something’s gonna happen to Gregory and Miranda soon made this chapter a great ramp-up to whatever amazing scene you have coming up with Gregory’s kidnapping.
I also liked the scenes without Gregory and co. I love that you made the outer areas take note of the police’s inadequate efforts in that area, accidental or not. I wonder how they’ll deal with the Gregory situation?
The other character interactions scenes were also fun. Dunno why the hell Zack was visiting the hospital with Dylan and Yumi when he was hammered, but oh well, the scene was fun! And It’s good to see Roz and Teddie get together finally.
Well, all in all, this was a great chapter! I loved everything you did here in terms of build up and finalizing some relationship stuff, and I can’t wait to see where you’re gonna go next.
Keep up the great work!
Oh man, I really enjoyed this chapter!
What I really liked best about this chapter was the build-up. I still have some complaints about how ridiculous it is that Gregory and Tony can get away with all that in such a modern country as Japan, but that aside it was great how you introduced them (and their families) into Inaba. Then, continuing to build up with the tension with him and Tony talking with Hikaru (who I thought handled that situation very well), and last by following him to the quick scene with Takeru. All those scenes combined with the knowledge that we /know/ something’s gonna happen to Gregory and Miranda soon made this chapter a great ramp-up to whatever amazing scene you have coming up with Gregory’s kidnapping.
I also liked the scenes without Gregory and co. I love that you made the outer areas take note of the police’s inadequate efforts in that area, accidental or not. I wonder how they’ll deal with the Gregory situation?
The other character interactions scenes were also fun. Dunno why the hell Zack was visiting the hospital with Dylan and Yumi when he was hammered, but oh well, the scene was fun! And It’s good to see Roz and Teddie get together finally.
Well, all in all, this was a great chapter! I loved everything you did here in terms of build up and finalizing some relationship stuff, and I can’t wait to see where you’re gonna go next.
Keep up the great work!
7/22/2015 c61 afterados
Great chapter!
Well, I’m not gonna lie: I really don’t have too much to say about this chapter. I enjoyed reading it, for sure, but it was just that: enjoyable! So, er, yeah Great job with the character interactions and cute moments here, but aside from that, I don’t have much to say!
(Well, I will give a quick mention of the Dylan/Fumio scene, ‘cuz I thought it was cool that Fumio reached out to Dylan like that. And I wonder what’s gonna happen with Dylan possibly giving up his potential, that’s a very interesting plot point, and I wonder where you’re gonna go with that! And I also have to say that I loved the scene with Adachi and Takeru, though I have to wonder why Adachi didn’t just toss Takeru into the TV if he “knew too much”.)
Anywho, can’t wait to see what’s next, keep up the great work!
Great chapter!
Well, I’m not gonna lie: I really don’t have too much to say about this chapter. I enjoyed reading it, for sure, but it was just that: enjoyable! So, er, yeah Great job with the character interactions and cute moments here, but aside from that, I don’t have much to say!
(Well, I will give a quick mention of the Dylan/Fumio scene, ‘cuz I thought it was cool that Fumio reached out to Dylan like that. And I wonder what’s gonna happen with Dylan possibly giving up his potential, that’s a very interesting plot point, and I wonder where you’re gonna go with that! And I also have to say that I loved the scene with Adachi and Takeru, though I have to wonder why Adachi didn’t just toss Takeru into the TV if he “knew too much”.)
Anywho, can’t wait to see what’s next, keep up the great work!
7/16/2015 c84 11JustCharles
These last two chapters were beary dark. I never thought Dylan's Shadow would go that far to end Kubo. Looks like I was wrong. Quite compelling.
But now there is a big elephant in the room that Yukiko and Dylan will have to deal with. I hope they can work past this.
11JustCharlesThese last two chapters were beary dark. I never thought Dylan's Shadow would go that far to end Kubo. Looks like I was wrong. Quite compelling.
But now there is a big elephant in the room that Yukiko and Dylan will have to deal with. I hope they can work past this.
7/11/2015 c1 Guest
I am so confused is there a story I missed please explain who chase is why and was he with the sees
I am so confused is there a story I missed please explain who chase is why and was he with the sees
7/13/2015 c60 2afterados
Weelll, this chapter kinda annoyed me a bit, to be honest. Lemme explain:
…Okay, that part right at the beginning? That’s /exactly/ what got you into this kind of situation in the first place, Dylan. When the hell are you gonna learn?
Uhm, I dunno if I really agree with that court hearing… but, good for Dylan that he got out of that. Especially with both of the boys’ behavior. But I digress.
Another fight scene? Right after Yukiko telling him off and after getting into a freaking court hearing about it? DYLAN HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO GO OVER THIS?!
Taking a break from my Dylan annoyance, it was really wicked to see that Yamaichi/Kubo alliance! I’m super pumped to see how that’s gonna go.
And then, the greatest injustice of this whole chapter for me was that Yukiko didn’t even get angry at him for all his misbehavior. Come on, just last chapter you told him off for that, and now you're getting all cutesy with him? Aren’t you gonna tell him that what he did was super bad, /‘cuz it was/?!
Well, gripes about character development aside, that /was/ a cute Dylan/Yukiko scene, so I won’t complain too much.
Anyways, that’s what I thought of that chapter. At this point in the story, I really thought that Dylan would’ve learned that violence doesn’t solve everything, and I was so excited for Yukiko to pound that lesson into him if he hadn’t already learned it… so I was a little annoyed that none of that happened. But all of my complaints aside, the chapter was well-written and good as usual in that department, so great job there.
Either way, can’t wait to see what comes next, and keep up the great work!
2afteradosWeelll, this chapter kinda annoyed me a bit, to be honest. Lemme explain:
…Okay, that part right at the beginning? That’s /exactly/ what got you into this kind of situation in the first place, Dylan. When the hell are you gonna learn?
Uhm, I dunno if I really agree with that court hearing… but, good for Dylan that he got out of that. Especially with both of the boys’ behavior. But I digress.
Another fight scene? Right after Yukiko telling him off and after getting into a freaking court hearing about it? DYLAN HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO GO OVER THIS?!
Taking a break from my Dylan annoyance, it was really wicked to see that Yamaichi/Kubo alliance! I’m super pumped to see how that’s gonna go.
And then, the greatest injustice of this whole chapter for me was that Yukiko didn’t even get angry at him for all his misbehavior. Come on, just last chapter you told him off for that, and now you're getting all cutesy with him? Aren’t you gonna tell him that what he did was super bad, /‘cuz it was/?!
Well, gripes about character development aside, that /was/ a cute Dylan/Yukiko scene, so I won’t complain too much.
Anyways, that’s what I thought of that chapter. At this point in the story, I really thought that Dylan would’ve learned that violence doesn’t solve everything, and I was so excited for Yukiko to pound that lesson into him if he hadn’t already learned it… so I was a little annoyed that none of that happened. But all of my complaints aside, the chapter was well-written and good as usual in that department, so great job there.
Either way, can’t wait to see what comes next, and keep up the great work!
7/12/2015 c82 11JustCharles
Well, It seems now that Dylan is taking a far darker turn...and it's going to cause trouble to those he cares about...And Gregory who should be rescued by the IT once Dylan is unconscious and then be lectured by Kanji...But that's just me.
I can see that whatever comes from this...Dylan and Yukiko will have a hard road ahead.
But still, can't wait to see more of what happens here.
11JustCharlesWell, It seems now that Dylan is taking a far darker turn...and it's going to cause trouble to those he cares about...And Gregory who should be rescued by the IT once Dylan is unconscious and then be lectured by Kanji...But that's just me.
I can see that whatever comes from this...Dylan and Yukiko will have a hard road ahead.
But still, can't wait to see more of what happens here.
7/10/2015 c59 2afterados
Alright, at this point, I’m gonna assume that all these reviews will be posted at a time waaay after you’ve written them, to the point where any suggestions I make will be pretty much unfeasible to put into effect, so I’m just gonna react to what’s happening. Don’t put too much stock into what I say now, ‘cuz keep in mind I’m like almost 25 chapters behind at this point.
Anyways: really cool chapter!
First off, a few criticisms: since when did Dylan know his Dad had the potential? And since when did Dylan’s Dad /have/ the potential? I know he talked to Chaos (er, I think?), but I didn’t realize that meant he had the potential… (Though, of course, that could just be me forgetting something you mentioned earlier!)
Anyways, the knighting ceremony was cool! I feel like it might have been a little short for such a interesting scene, but I liked it anyways.
Hahaha okay, I do still love the dorky names that Dylan gives his attacks. “Carbon footprint?” Oh man, it’s too ridiculous to /not/ love!
Alright, so I do enjoy the action scenes still, but I can’t help but feel that they’re getting a bit stale. Like, how many times have we seen Dylan stomp someone who’s harassing him before they get the point? It feels a bit rehashed, I guess, especially since it’s the same reasoning which doesn’t show a lot of character development for either side.
Okay, wait: I wrote that last paragraph before reading the after-fight scene. And I freaking /love/ that Yukiko’s getting on Dylan’s case about always fighting people! That line “you can’t solve everything with a fight” was /on point/, and I’m so, /so/ happy Yukiko’s finally telling him that!
Haha oh man, I also still love snarky/protective/almost-fatherly!Morooka, it’s so much fun to read after reading so much bad-guy Morooka.
It was also great that Katsuya put the idea of Adachi being bad in Dojima’s head. Now, only time will tell if he actually can do something about it this time around…
I don’t have way too much to say about the last parts, but it was cool to see everyone talking with each other!
And that’s all I’ve got! I thought this chapter was really interesting, it was really awesome to see some of my favorite parts (fatherly-Morooka, silly fighting-move names, etc.) return, and you had some amazing development in Yukiko telling Dylan off for always fighting. Can’t wait to see more, keep up the great work!
2afteradosAlright, at this point, I’m gonna assume that all these reviews will be posted at a time waaay after you’ve written them, to the point where any suggestions I make will be pretty much unfeasible to put into effect, so I’m just gonna react to what’s happening. Don’t put too much stock into what I say now, ‘cuz keep in mind I’m like almost 25 chapters behind at this point.
Anyways: really cool chapter!
First off, a few criticisms: since when did Dylan know his Dad had the potential? And since when did Dylan’s Dad /have/ the potential? I know he talked to Chaos (er, I think?), but I didn’t realize that meant he had the potential… (Though, of course, that could just be me forgetting something you mentioned earlier!)
Anyways, the knighting ceremony was cool! I feel like it might have been a little short for such a interesting scene, but I liked it anyways.
Hahaha okay, I do still love the dorky names that Dylan gives his attacks. “Carbon footprint?” Oh man, it’s too ridiculous to /not/ love!
Alright, so I do enjoy the action scenes still, but I can’t help but feel that they’re getting a bit stale. Like, how many times have we seen Dylan stomp someone who’s harassing him before they get the point? It feels a bit rehashed, I guess, especially since it’s the same reasoning which doesn’t show a lot of character development for either side.
Okay, wait: I wrote that last paragraph before reading the after-fight scene. And I freaking /love/ that Yukiko’s getting on Dylan’s case about always fighting people! That line “you can’t solve everything with a fight” was /on point/, and I’m so, /so/ happy Yukiko’s finally telling him that!
Haha oh man, I also still love snarky/protective/almost-fatherly!Morooka, it’s so much fun to read after reading so much bad-guy Morooka.
It was also great that Katsuya put the idea of Adachi being bad in Dojima’s head. Now, only time will tell if he actually can do something about it this time around…
I don’t have way too much to say about the last parts, but it was cool to see everyone talking with each other!
And that’s all I’ve got! I thought this chapter was really interesting, it was really awesome to see some of my favorite parts (fatherly-Morooka, silly fighting-move names, etc.) return, and you had some amazing development in Yukiko telling Dylan off for always fighting. Can’t wait to see more, keep up the great work!
6/10/2015 c75 11JustCharles
Whoa! Full-on Anakin is right. This was quite compelling. I'm sure Yukiko is gonna tell Dylan off after this. Can't wait to see how much darker this goes.
11JustCharlesWhoa! Full-on Anakin is right. This was quite compelling. I'm sure Yukiko is gonna tell Dylan off after this. Can't wait to see how much darker this goes.
5/31/2015 c72 JustCharles
It's been a while, so I'm reviewing now that I caught up.
I think what I'm about to say about Dylan was best said by Frank Miller in regards to Daredevil: "He should have been a Criminal"
Seriously. The last several chapters show us how bad Gregory, Josh, Alex, and the D'Amico family are...I'm surprised Dylan didn't just give in and become like them. These are horrific people and I'm glad Dylan has not become like them. I know there's this concern about him becoming too violent...but I think Yukiko can tame that in him.
I'm not sure that I like the idea of Dojima disregarding warnings about Adachi...on the other hand, since Dojima likes to believe in the best in some people, he may just not want to consider the possibility.
While I do like how your fix handles a lot of Characters, I'm worried that Yosuke, Chie, and Kanji are getting sidelined. Hopefully there will be better opportunities to go in-depth with them down the road once this current arc is over.
Overall, though, this is a pretty good Story and I hope to see more.
It's been a while, so I'm reviewing now that I caught up.
I think what I'm about to say about Dylan was best said by Frank Miller in regards to Daredevil: "He should have been a Criminal"
Seriously. The last several chapters show us how bad Gregory, Josh, Alex, and the D'Amico family are...I'm surprised Dylan didn't just give in and become like them. These are horrific people and I'm glad Dylan has not become like them. I know there's this concern about him becoming too violent...but I think Yukiko can tame that in him.
I'm not sure that I like the idea of Dojima disregarding warnings about Adachi...on the other hand, since Dojima likes to believe in the best in some people, he may just not want to consider the possibility.
While I do like how your fix handles a lot of Characters, I'm worried that Yosuke, Chie, and Kanji are getting sidelined. Hopefully there will be better opportunities to go in-depth with them down the road once this current arc is over.
Overall, though, this is a pretty good Story and I hope to see more.