
5/9/2020 c198 RosyMiranto18
Sighs… okay… so many stuffs to do today. I’m pretty tired… so let’s just go to the chapter right now.
Wait, so you actually change The Mist? Honestly, I didn’t expect you to change that one instead of Genesis. *pause* But of course it’s a Metal again. It’s not bad though.
And… there’s nothing else. I guess this is because almost everything is a recycle from the Canon Material that I have nothing witty to say… plus this fasting tiredness. So, see you later and Keep Update then.
Sighs… okay… so many stuffs to do today. I’m pretty tired… so let’s just go to the chapter right now.
Wait, so you actually change The Mist? Honestly, I didn’t expect you to change that one instead of Genesis. *pause* But of course it’s a Metal again. It’s not bad though.
And… there’s nothing else. I guess this is because almost everything is a recycle from the Canon Material that I have nothing witty to say… plus this fasting tiredness. So, see you later and Keep Update then.
5/3/2020 c197 RosyMiranto18
Sorry GB Dragon, not only that I’m in fasting right now, but I seem to have problems within me as well. Okay, let’s start with the review then.
1a. I’m not sure why they just walk into Yomotsu Hirasaka with seemingly no buildup to it, but… okay, I guess?
b. And I don’t know why did the crowd dispersed around when it’s clear where they are going to. Isn’t Mayonaka a Public Knowledge at this point?
c. Shmate, Dylan?
2a. So… where did you all recognize this Odokuro? Unless if none of this is similar to you.
b. So… why did you use Almighty instead of an Elemental, Yuu?
c. Also, I think this is a perfect Theme for this fight: youtu . be/1q6mq1SYdqw
3a. I’m not sure if Dylan can represent Courage in the beginning, but I think he does now.
b. So I guess this Glittering Shell is pretty much a Moonless Gown Flashback then.
c. If it’s just negating Buffs why the effort of naming it instead of just using Dekaja.
d. Moult? Is there any reason why do you name a Healing Spell like that?
e. Wait, if Shiromushi CAN use Persona Skills while Yuu can’t, doesn’t that mean it’s cheating. Also, never expect Yuu can go 1v1 on this, at least in this fic.
And I think that’s all for now. See you later and Keep Update.
Sorry GB Dragon, not only that I’m in fasting right now, but I seem to have problems within me as well. Okay, let’s start with the review then.
1a. I’m not sure why they just walk into Yomotsu Hirasaka with seemingly no buildup to it, but… okay, I guess?
b. And I don’t know why did the crowd dispersed around when it’s clear where they are going to. Isn’t Mayonaka a Public Knowledge at this point?
c. Shmate, Dylan?
2a. So… where did you all recognize this Odokuro? Unless if none of this is similar to you.
b. So… why did you use Almighty instead of an Elemental, Yuu?
c. Also, I think this is a perfect Theme for this fight: youtu . be/1q6mq1SYdqw
3a. I’m not sure if Dylan can represent Courage in the beginning, but I think he does now.
b. So I guess this Glittering Shell is pretty much a Moonless Gown Flashback then.
c. If it’s just negating Buffs why the effort of naming it instead of just using Dekaja.
d. Moult? Is there any reason why do you name a Healing Spell like that?
e. Wait, if Shiromushi CAN use Persona Skills while Yuu can’t, doesn’t that mean it’s cheating. Also, never expect Yuu can go 1v1 on this, at least in this fic.
And I think that’s all for now. See you later and Keep Update.
3/16/2020 c196 RosyMiranto18
*about to do the months-overdue of Takeuchi’s Tv Tropes page* And then this surprise comes, goddamnit. I never expected this fic’s chapter to show up at 9AM here, period. Anyway, let’s just go into this, thank god it’s very short. But if the Endgame chapters will be a lot longer maybe at IDBH Standards, then thanks for the heads up. Okay, moving on.
1a. So, did you get a nice sleep after all the Oomagatsu stuff?
b. Huh? What part did you review this time? Is it the one all the way from the beginning or any damages from Oomagatsu’s mess?
c. Wait, did you just make love offscreen before this chapter begins?
2a. Congrats for being Engaged… but I guess you can’t follow Yuu to Tokyo with your hands being tied in Inaba, Marie. That’s unfortunate.
b. Also, is there any Bachelor’s Day in your own wedding, Dylan.
c. So what you and Yuu cook there, Dylan?
d. The Groups are Gender-split, isn’t it?
3a. So how did you transfer the boxes to Tokyo if it’s not on the same train as Yuu does?
b. I would miss those Three Stooges, but did you just go there to bid a farewell, Roz?
c. Is it includes the fact that Marie is practically a God, Yuu?
d. The only surprise is you didn’t drop the Blake on your name earlier, Dylan.
e. So in LNWU timeline you never shook hands with Izanami then, Yuu?
Ah… writing those letters, just like IDBH. Good luck then. Okay, I think that’s all for now. So see you later and Keep Update!
*about to do the months-overdue of Takeuchi’s Tv Tropes page* And then this surprise comes, goddamnit. I never expected this fic’s chapter to show up at 9AM here, period. Anyway, let’s just go into this, thank god it’s very short. But if the Endgame chapters will be a lot longer maybe at IDBH Standards, then thanks for the heads up. Okay, moving on.
1a. So, did you get a nice sleep after all the Oomagatsu stuff?
b. Huh? What part did you review this time? Is it the one all the way from the beginning or any damages from Oomagatsu’s mess?
c. Wait, did you just make love offscreen before this chapter begins?
2a. Congrats for being Engaged… but I guess you can’t follow Yuu to Tokyo with your hands being tied in Inaba, Marie. That’s unfortunate.
b. Also, is there any Bachelor’s Day in your own wedding, Dylan.
c. So what you and Yuu cook there, Dylan?
d. The Groups are Gender-split, isn’t it?
3a. So how did you transfer the boxes to Tokyo if it’s not on the same train as Yuu does?
b. I would miss those Three Stooges, but did you just go there to bid a farewell, Roz?
c. Is it includes the fact that Marie is practically a God, Yuu?
d. The only surprise is you didn’t drop the Blake on your name earlier, Dylan.
e. So in LNWU timeline you never shook hands with Izanami then, Yuu?
Ah… writing those letters, just like IDBH. Good luck then. Okay, I think that’s all for now. So see you later and Keep Update!
3/9/2020 c195 RosyMiranto18
*Avengers Theme Intensifies* Okay, since it’s been so long since anything been happening, let’s just start the review now, okay?
1a. Of course, he’s smiling. What he needs are sacrifice, regardless of from which side the sacrifice is.
b. Other than World Domination… uh, no other reason I can think of :D
c. Yeah, Oomagatsu is pretty much an embodiment of Complete Anarchy… just like what is mentioned in IDBH’s “My So-Called Life”
d. Yep, hypocrite, good point Dylan.
e. I don’t know if recombining the Two Halves of Izanami has something to do with this, honestly.
f. *Beat* How did he tapped into Wild Card Power? I thought it’s a power that is chosen or given, not actually tapped on their own. Plus, he didn’t sign any contract with any of the Rooms.
2a. Speaking of which, where are the others and why’s there only Yuu, Dylan, Shou, and Brianna here now that you mention it.
b. So no magic, just hitting Oomagatsu physically then? Also, why can’t be hit with Elemental magic? Because of his so-called Wild Card ability?
c. Speaking of which, who are the Stronger Agents of Crimson Room anyway?
d. I know Arkham is Batman-related, but… *pause* Oh, so it’s a Lovecraftian City. I didn’t know it exists.
e. I wish you made an IT joke, Dylan, but oh well…
3a. Uh… Shou, are you referring Persona as Puppets or is it something else about Oomagatsu?
b. So… should we start using Break Spells or rely on Kei and his Psy Spells? *pause* Oh yeah, I forgot that you have Nuclear as well, sorry Kei.
c. So… is it Fire, Gun, or Almighty Damage? The Mad Bomber I mean.
d. You’re saying you are Inevitable, then Dylan will say “I am Dylan Amagi” instead.
e. Let me guess, Roaring Blade has multiple hits and all of them have very high chance of Critical Hit?
4a. Graias… Graia… *pause* Is a City? Maybe you meant that the Personas are Graceaes, but I doubt it. *pause* Looking at the description of Graias, I must be wrong, whoever it supposed to be.
b. WAIT A MINUTE! How did he summon Two Personas at the same time without any connection to Nyx?!
c. I thought Become His True Self means becoming no different than whatever Shadow Self he has, Yuu.
d. Well, shit, I guess we can’t exploit that Transformation is a Free Action then, Kei *sighs*
5a. I’ll just call him Oomagatsuhi instead, it’s too long to be constantly mentioned otherwise.
b. Did you know what Tai-Itsu means? Please, I need to know.
c. Also, great choice for the song, by the way.
d. Naoto, can Shield of Justice block Tai-Itsu, please?
e. *sighs* That’s why I infested a lot in Barrier Spells for my own stuff, and I mean A LOT.
f. *pause* Wait, I know it happened in Arena, but since when did you know that your Persona can go physical here, Rise? Also, I bet that your element is Psy, that’s for sure.
g. Finally you use it, Naoto, why did you take so long?!
6a. *pause* Really, Thunderstruck, Dylan? Why can’t you pick a better name for that Unison Spell -_-
b. Even Eddie and Zack’s better than yours. You did it great with Yukiko though.
c. Also, as good as Delta Attack sounds, I hardly find that fitting to Chie and Yousuke, period.
d. “I’m on a different side” is the same as “I’m on a different side”. Also are you talking about your allegiance or wherever dimension you came from?
e. Oh, and Dylan, GG for Jinxing that Deus ex Machina.
7a. Is the Great Will different from wherever Imperium came from, or is this something similar to the Crystal Palace?
b. I thought she looks like a Victorian Nanny, Dylan… *cough* Like Agatha *cough*
c. So Oomagatsu got Medusa’ed and Thanos’ed? Neat. I’m nor surprised if your true identity is a Gorgon though, Adeline.
d. Wait, I know this is not your world, Brianna, so where are you going to now? That TV only lead you to exit Mayonaka, not back to your dimension.
e. Well, I’m actually sad that we have a farewell with Kei. I wish he would stick around for longer, but I don’t know what kind of threat that he needs to deal on his own.
Okay, I think that’s all for now. And other than these questions down below, there’s nothing for me to say about this, so… See you later and Keep Update!
P.S.: If you have questions about Agatha, feel free to ask me. However, I will not answer it if the question is “Who Agatha truly is” I’ll keep it as a tightly hidden secret of mine. However, if you already have figured it out, please tell me, okay?
Also, what do you think of the reveal that Riku is actually affiliated with the Crystal Palace? Please tell me your opinion, okay?
*Avengers Theme Intensifies* Okay, since it’s been so long since anything been happening, let’s just start the review now, okay?
1a. Of course, he’s smiling. What he needs are sacrifice, regardless of from which side the sacrifice is.
b. Other than World Domination… uh, no other reason I can think of :D
c. Yeah, Oomagatsu is pretty much an embodiment of Complete Anarchy… just like what is mentioned in IDBH’s “My So-Called Life”
d. Yep, hypocrite, good point Dylan.
e. I don’t know if recombining the Two Halves of Izanami has something to do with this, honestly.
f. *Beat* How did he tapped into Wild Card Power? I thought it’s a power that is chosen or given, not actually tapped on their own. Plus, he didn’t sign any contract with any of the Rooms.
2a. Speaking of which, where are the others and why’s there only Yuu, Dylan, Shou, and Brianna here now that you mention it.
b. So no magic, just hitting Oomagatsu physically then? Also, why can’t be hit with Elemental magic? Because of his so-called Wild Card ability?
c. Speaking of which, who are the Stronger Agents of Crimson Room anyway?
d. I know Arkham is Batman-related, but… *pause* Oh, so it’s a Lovecraftian City. I didn’t know it exists.
e. I wish you made an IT joke, Dylan, but oh well…
3a. Uh… Shou, are you referring Persona as Puppets or is it something else about Oomagatsu?
b. So… should we start using Break Spells or rely on Kei and his Psy Spells? *pause* Oh yeah, I forgot that you have Nuclear as well, sorry Kei.
c. So… is it Fire, Gun, or Almighty Damage? The Mad Bomber I mean.
d. You’re saying you are Inevitable, then Dylan will say “I am Dylan Amagi” instead.
e. Let me guess, Roaring Blade has multiple hits and all of them have very high chance of Critical Hit?
4a. Graias… Graia… *pause* Is a City? Maybe you meant that the Personas are Graceaes, but I doubt it. *pause* Looking at the description of Graias, I must be wrong, whoever it supposed to be.
b. WAIT A MINUTE! How did he summon Two Personas at the same time without any connection to Nyx?!
c. I thought Become His True Self means becoming no different than whatever Shadow Self he has, Yuu.
d. Well, shit, I guess we can’t exploit that Transformation is a Free Action then, Kei *sighs*
5a. I’ll just call him Oomagatsuhi instead, it’s too long to be constantly mentioned otherwise.
b. Did you know what Tai-Itsu means? Please, I need to know.
c. Also, great choice for the song, by the way.
d. Naoto, can Shield of Justice block Tai-Itsu, please?
e. *sighs* That’s why I infested a lot in Barrier Spells for my own stuff, and I mean A LOT.
f. *pause* Wait, I know it happened in Arena, but since when did you know that your Persona can go physical here, Rise? Also, I bet that your element is Psy, that’s for sure.
g. Finally you use it, Naoto, why did you take so long?!
6a. *pause* Really, Thunderstruck, Dylan? Why can’t you pick a better name for that Unison Spell -_-
b. Even Eddie and Zack’s better than yours. You did it great with Yukiko though.
c. Also, as good as Delta Attack sounds, I hardly find that fitting to Chie and Yousuke, period.
d. “I’m on a different side” is the same as “I’m on a different side”. Also are you talking about your allegiance or wherever dimension you came from?
e. Oh, and Dylan, GG for Jinxing that Deus ex Machina.
7a. Is the Great Will different from wherever Imperium came from, or is this something similar to the Crystal Palace?
b. I thought she looks like a Victorian Nanny, Dylan… *cough* Like Agatha *cough*
c. So Oomagatsu got Medusa’ed and Thanos’ed? Neat. I’m nor surprised if your true identity is a Gorgon though, Adeline.
d. Wait, I know this is not your world, Brianna, so where are you going to now? That TV only lead you to exit Mayonaka, not back to your dimension.
e. Well, I’m actually sad that we have a farewell with Kei. I wish he would stick around for longer, but I don’t know what kind of threat that he needs to deal on his own.
Okay, I think that’s all for now. And other than these questions down below, there’s nothing for me to say about this, so… See you later and Keep Update!
P.S.: If you have questions about Agatha, feel free to ask me. However, I will not answer it if the question is “Who Agatha truly is” I’ll keep it as a tightly hidden secret of mine. However, if you already have figured it out, please tell me, okay?
Also, what do you think of the reveal that Riku is actually affiliated with the Crystal Palace? Please tell me your opinion, okay?
2/29/2020 c185
2afterados
Quick note - i know you basically say this in the story within the first paragraph, but I still wouldn’t put a spoiler in the opening AN! You immediately tell us in the AN that Oumagatsu and the Omega Franchise have taken over Mayonaka, but I believe that's before there’s any mention of that in the story, right? If so, I’d wait for an AN like that until after the chapter’s done.
Haha, “So much blood.” Even the narrator is horrified!
Good to see what Oumagatsu is doing - and in this case, it does make sense to me why he’d kill the normal Omega Franchise members, after they did their work - he wants to get his true powers back!
Oumagatsu taunting Dylan is on-brand for him, and it does present another reminder for us as to why Oumagatsu IS different - it's just as he says, he isn’t motivated by anything aside from pure desire to be more powerful and cause pain. Which is a pretty cool new twist! Most of the other villains do have a grudge… Oumagatsu is the first (that I can think of, at least) that has no drive aside from his own personal desires.
I think the Yu/Dylan section was a good length - Dylan’s summary of what Oumagatsu told him was brief (good since he just heard it), and we heard what Oumagatsu told Yu, as well as heard Yu’s thoughts on the situation.
The Temple of Calamity is cool! You always nail your designs, and the trend continues.
The next part with Yu confuses me. It’s said that Yu and the SoT are the only ones who know who is responsible for the random murders, but then Yu expresses apparent frustration at not having an explanation for the murders. Is he trying to figure out /why/ Oumagatsu and the Omega Franchise are killing random people?
Actually, in the next section (back in the Temple of Calamity), it’s said directly that no one, least of all the SoT, have been able to figure out what’s going on. That seems like a contradiction of the earlier line saying that Yu and the SoT /did/ know who was responsible for the new murders, right?
Oh snap! But NOW I understand why Oumagatsu needs those sacrifices- b/c no one believes in him, and thus he must resort to sacrifices to regain his power. Dude, that is a great idea! And a great end to the chapter!

Quick note - i know you basically say this in the story within the first paragraph, but I still wouldn’t put a spoiler in the opening AN! You immediately tell us in the AN that Oumagatsu and the Omega Franchise have taken over Mayonaka, but I believe that's before there’s any mention of that in the story, right? If so, I’d wait for an AN like that until after the chapter’s done.
Haha, “So much blood.” Even the narrator is horrified!
Good to see what Oumagatsu is doing - and in this case, it does make sense to me why he’d kill the normal Omega Franchise members, after they did their work - he wants to get his true powers back!
Oumagatsu taunting Dylan is on-brand for him, and it does present another reminder for us as to why Oumagatsu IS different - it's just as he says, he isn’t motivated by anything aside from pure desire to be more powerful and cause pain. Which is a pretty cool new twist! Most of the other villains do have a grudge… Oumagatsu is the first (that I can think of, at least) that has no drive aside from his own personal desires.
I think the Yu/Dylan section was a good length - Dylan’s summary of what Oumagatsu told him was brief (good since he just heard it), and we heard what Oumagatsu told Yu, as well as heard Yu’s thoughts on the situation.
The Temple of Calamity is cool! You always nail your designs, and the trend continues.
The next part with Yu confuses me. It’s said that Yu and the SoT are the only ones who know who is responsible for the random murders, but then Yu expresses apparent frustration at not having an explanation for the murders. Is he trying to figure out /why/ Oumagatsu and the Omega Franchise are killing random people?
Actually, in the next section (back in the Temple of Calamity), it’s said directly that no one, least of all the SoT, have been able to figure out what’s going on. That seems like a contradiction of the earlier line saying that Yu and the SoT /did/ know who was responsible for the new murders, right?
Oh snap! But NOW I understand why Oumagatsu needs those sacrifices- b/c no one believes in him, and thus he must resort to sacrifices to regain his power. Dude, that is a great idea! And a great end to the chapter!
11/26/2019 c184 afterados
Yup, Yu is a really lucky guy!
(...At least, as lucky as someone who had been pulled involuntarily into a supernatural world where he and his friends risk their lives daily can be!)
Ahh, that scene at Dojima’s place was really cute! Good job.
Oh Yu, what a dork! Gotta love how he’s still ace-ing all his exams, and his line about hoping the SoT all enjoy the day, and that it’s filled with “love and joy…” what a nerd! I love it!
And, of course, I loved the Dylan/Yukiko and Yu/Marie scenes, too. Dylan and Yukiko especially, since I love their slight banter with each other. Dylan’s right when he says seeing Yukiko make quips is different, but I think it’s fantastic since it shows the influence Dylan has had on her. Awesome, awesome job this chapter!
Yup, Yu is a really lucky guy!
(...At least, as lucky as someone who had been pulled involuntarily into a supernatural world where he and his friends risk their lives daily can be!)
Ahh, that scene at Dojima’s place was really cute! Good job.
Oh Yu, what a dork! Gotta love how he’s still ace-ing all his exams, and his line about hoping the SoT all enjoy the day, and that it’s filled with “love and joy…” what a nerd! I love it!
And, of course, I loved the Dylan/Yukiko and Yu/Marie scenes, too. Dylan and Yukiko especially, since I love their slight banter with each other. Dylan’s right when he says seeing Yukiko make quips is different, but I think it’s fantastic since it shows the influence Dylan has had on her. Awesome, awesome job this chapter!
11/8/2019 c194 RosyMiranto18
Okay… I gotta admit I’m not too please to see that this chapter came up in Saturday? Because of course I have to review IDBH as well, and JCharles already warned me that the next chapter is going to be a long long one. But anyway, let’s continue. I don’t even try to guess that Fearsome Enemy though. I thought it’s going to be Oomagatsu, but it might be an entirely new character.
Also, don’t worry about skipping stuff. Though if it’s possible, can you tell me what parts that you skipped and readded? Anyway, let’s move on. I’m running out of time.
*Song: Dynasty Warriors 7 – Farewell to…”
1a. Well, that’s the classic “Decapitating Army” right there.
b. Which means what, Rise? Another General to kill in order to decapitate his Army of Shadows?
c. You know, have you tried to shorten Brianna’s Persona to either Schwarzer or SLK?
d. A pattern is a good thing, as it takes away the element of surprise and ambush that the enemy had.
2a. That’s not a new Omega Franchise.
b. You’re right, Dylan. If they want to try to shake you and Yousuke by summoning Miranda and Saki, they really should a better twist to it… and not something obvious.
c. Wait, the ladies are already here? Oh… okay. That surprises me. I thought it will happen after these three men is dealt with.
3a. Oh come on, this whole fight is skipped?! I expected some emotional moments, but no… *facepalm* Honestly, maybe you should have split this chapter into 2. One for Miranda and Saki and Two for Spitz.
b. Don’t worry, Yousuke. They are brainwashed. So Saki is as much as a victim here as you do.
c. Wait, Roz, you have some limelight with Miranda?
d. Which “That Other Place”, Zack? *pause* Oh wait, Monochrome Forest, I forgot.
4a. I hope that door is not in the shape of the Great Seal, period.
b. I don’t know why, but giving Dylan two Limelights (Mitsuo and Spitz) isn’t right. I think Yuu didn’t have one yet, so he’s a better choice as the Leader. But I guess if it’s the Duel between Dragons (Number Two), it makes sense.
c. Another Metal, but at least it sounds horror enough. *shrugs* Doesn’t really like The Pointless – Land though.
d. To be fair, having both of their strength is amplified makes it fair. I mean you have the Papillion Heart, Dylan.
e. Black Ichor… no Humanity confirmed.
f. Maybe Oomagatsu really literally used an actual Edo Tensei Spell, Dylan.
5a. Wait, if a barrier is erected, shouldn’t the fight have a new song instead of stopped? Anyway… maybe this will do? youtu . be/qUiu_t3dEQg
b. Wait, if Stormbreaker is an Axe, then how did you holster it?
c. Well, here goes the transformation. So Persona is allowed then.
d. Oh, here’s the song. Really dope, but what do you expect? It’s OG Devil May Cry.
e. I don’t know. I know what Throwing Off Your Gauntlet means, but I need to ask if Spitz have a Gauntlet/Glove originally.
f. *looking at that Bravest Stance* *Spams Dekaja* *shrugs*
6a. Finally, you call it Hiraishingiri, thank you so much.
b. *insert a Stand Rush Noise here*
c. Your Papillon Heart isn’t damaged, right?
d. Dylan! Helel have Morning Star, why did you use Megidolaon and not that?!
e. So Expulse is basically Silence Ailment but you can still talk. Although, how much this Ailment is in effect?
f. Uh… Dylan, Hama Boost is Passive, so you can’t say that. *pause* Too bad you didn’t have Samsara though.
7a. Oh come on, Third Phase?!
b. Decisive Collission Super Arrange… I never expected you to actually use this. Wait, *checking* Okay, I didn’t use this version yet, so… *changing something in my notes*
c. Speaking of Cold Steel, now I’m expecting to see Majestic Roar on Oomagatsu’s Boss Fight next chapter for some reason.
d. So it’s an attack with debuff? This thing is common in Cold Steel, but it’s really rare on Persona.
e. A Fire, Ice, Wind, and Lightning Attack simultaneously. Nature’s Wrath sounds scary.
f. Daisoujo has Samsara, DYLAN! *facepalm*
8a. The only thing you didn’t use here is Hassou-Tobi. So… why?
b. So what those pillars is for then?
c. You know, Third Eye is a creative name for a Skill relying on RNG.
d. I think the SoT has become THE Family to you, Dylan. The Blakes is not your family for a long time ago.
9a. So… I thought the effect of Expulse is just temporary, so why is it needed to summon back Nari no Okami?
b. The way he said “More” made me think that he’s a Masochist, Dylan *whispering*
c. Spitz has a lot of Buddhism Symbolism at this point, so… why? It doesn’t sound related to me. Though I’m not going to be surprised if his Persona is Mara… for his role in Buddha’s story, MWAHAHAHAHA!
Don’t worry for the delay man. Your finance and your health is what all matters here. But yeah, glad that this chapter is done. So… see you later and Keep Update, okay?
Okay… I gotta admit I’m not too please to see that this chapter came up in Saturday? Because of course I have to review IDBH as well, and JCharles already warned me that the next chapter is going to be a long long one. But anyway, let’s continue. I don’t even try to guess that Fearsome Enemy though. I thought it’s going to be Oomagatsu, but it might be an entirely new character.
Also, don’t worry about skipping stuff. Though if it’s possible, can you tell me what parts that you skipped and readded? Anyway, let’s move on. I’m running out of time.
*Song: Dynasty Warriors 7 – Farewell to…”
1a. Well, that’s the classic “Decapitating Army” right there.
b. Which means what, Rise? Another General to kill in order to decapitate his Army of Shadows?
c. You know, have you tried to shorten Brianna’s Persona to either Schwarzer or SLK?
d. A pattern is a good thing, as it takes away the element of surprise and ambush that the enemy had.
2a. That’s not a new Omega Franchise.
b. You’re right, Dylan. If they want to try to shake you and Yousuke by summoning Miranda and Saki, they really should a better twist to it… and not something obvious.
c. Wait, the ladies are already here? Oh… okay. That surprises me. I thought it will happen after these three men is dealt with.
3a. Oh come on, this whole fight is skipped?! I expected some emotional moments, but no… *facepalm* Honestly, maybe you should have split this chapter into 2. One for Miranda and Saki and Two for Spitz.
b. Don’t worry, Yousuke. They are brainwashed. So Saki is as much as a victim here as you do.
c. Wait, Roz, you have some limelight with Miranda?
d. Which “That Other Place”, Zack? *pause* Oh wait, Monochrome Forest, I forgot.
4a. I hope that door is not in the shape of the Great Seal, period.
b. I don’t know why, but giving Dylan two Limelights (Mitsuo and Spitz) isn’t right. I think Yuu didn’t have one yet, so he’s a better choice as the Leader. But I guess if it’s the Duel between Dragons (Number Two), it makes sense.
c. Another Metal, but at least it sounds horror enough. *shrugs* Doesn’t really like The Pointless – Land though.
d. To be fair, having both of their strength is amplified makes it fair. I mean you have the Papillion Heart, Dylan.
e. Black Ichor… no Humanity confirmed.
f. Maybe Oomagatsu really literally used an actual Edo Tensei Spell, Dylan.
5a. Wait, if a barrier is erected, shouldn’t the fight have a new song instead of stopped? Anyway… maybe this will do? youtu . be/qUiu_t3dEQg
b. Wait, if Stormbreaker is an Axe, then how did you holster it?
c. Well, here goes the transformation. So Persona is allowed then.
d. Oh, here’s the song. Really dope, but what do you expect? It’s OG Devil May Cry.
e. I don’t know. I know what Throwing Off Your Gauntlet means, but I need to ask if Spitz have a Gauntlet/Glove originally.
f. *looking at that Bravest Stance* *Spams Dekaja* *shrugs*
6a. Finally, you call it Hiraishingiri, thank you so much.
b. *insert a Stand Rush Noise here*
c. Your Papillon Heart isn’t damaged, right?
d. Dylan! Helel have Morning Star, why did you use Megidolaon and not that?!
e. So Expulse is basically Silence Ailment but you can still talk. Although, how much this Ailment is in effect?
f. Uh… Dylan, Hama Boost is Passive, so you can’t say that. *pause* Too bad you didn’t have Samsara though.
7a. Oh come on, Third Phase?!
b. Decisive Collission Super Arrange… I never expected you to actually use this. Wait, *checking* Okay, I didn’t use this version yet, so… *changing something in my notes*
c. Speaking of Cold Steel, now I’m expecting to see Majestic Roar on Oomagatsu’s Boss Fight next chapter for some reason.
d. So it’s an attack with debuff? This thing is common in Cold Steel, but it’s really rare on Persona.
e. A Fire, Ice, Wind, and Lightning Attack simultaneously. Nature’s Wrath sounds scary.
f. Daisoujo has Samsara, DYLAN! *facepalm*
8a. The only thing you didn’t use here is Hassou-Tobi. So… why?
b. So what those pillars is for then?
c. You know, Third Eye is a creative name for a Skill relying on RNG.
d. I think the SoT has become THE Family to you, Dylan. The Blakes is not your family for a long time ago.
9a. So… I thought the effect of Expulse is just temporary, so why is it needed to summon back Nari no Okami?
b. The way he said “More” made me think that he’s a Masochist, Dylan *whispering*
c. Spitz has a lot of Buddhism Symbolism at this point, so… why? It doesn’t sound related to me. Though I’m not going to be surprised if his Persona is Mara… for his role in Buddha’s story, MWAHAHAHAHA!
Don’t worry for the delay man. Your finance and your health is what all matters here. But yeah, glad that this chapter is done. So… see you later and Keep Update, okay?
10/21/2019 c183 afterados
Whoa, wait, what?! Mitsuo’s back?! That’s… surprising, to say the least!
Good idea to have that 3rd person segment (as in, 3rd person with more of an omniscient narrator perspective) at the start to describe in a summary of what’s going on! That’s perfect - that way we quickly know what everyone’s up to and can get to the interesting details (Yukiko and Dylan’s discussion) sooner.
I think it’s a bit of a stretch for Dylan and Yukiko to assume that the letter is from Mitsuo. Because, do Dylan and Yukiko know that Oumagatsu can casually revive the dead? If they do, then it’s more plausible. But if they don’t, I don’t think they would’ve guessed that.
As always, you absolutely nailed your new character designs!
Woah, that’s a HUGE difference between your original plan and what you actually did for this chapter! Interested to see where you’ll go next with this!
(Also, all in all, it feels like you were experimenting with this chapter… which I think is great! For example, that 3rd-person omniscient summary section at the start was cool and great go see! I’d love to see you keep trying different things like this.)
Whoa, wait, what?! Mitsuo’s back?! That’s… surprising, to say the least!
Good idea to have that 3rd person segment (as in, 3rd person with more of an omniscient narrator perspective) at the start to describe in a summary of what’s going on! That’s perfect - that way we quickly know what everyone’s up to and can get to the interesting details (Yukiko and Dylan’s discussion) sooner.
I think it’s a bit of a stretch for Dylan and Yukiko to assume that the letter is from Mitsuo. Because, do Dylan and Yukiko know that Oumagatsu can casually revive the dead? If they do, then it’s more plausible. But if they don’t, I don’t think they would’ve guessed that.
As always, you absolutely nailed your new character designs!
Woah, that’s a HUGE difference between your original plan and what you actually did for this chapter! Interested to see where you’ll go next with this!
(Also, all in all, it feels like you were experimenting with this chapter… which I think is great! For example, that 3rd-person omniscient summary section at the start was cool and great go see! I’d love to see you keep trying different things like this.)
10/21/2019 c182 afterados
Welcome back, Velvet Room people!
Really cool idea for people to /not/ have Shadows by avoiding their true selves! I think it’s a great play off the the concept of Personas/Shadows. Although… if they avoid their true selves, doesn’t that mean they don’t have a Persona, rather than they don't have a Shadow? In-game (in P4, at least), I think when people deny their true selves, their Shadow gets tremendously powerful and it’s only once they accept their true selves they get their Persona. So wouldn’t denying your true self lead to a stronger Shadow rather than no Shadow?
But regardless of if I’m right there, the idea of people having/lacking Personas/Shadows due to mental conditioning is REALLY cool!
Cute little scene with Yu, Nanako, and Marie at Dojima’s place. I like the detail, but also that you lept it brief, focusing the main dialogue on the parts with Marie and Yu discussing the Omega Franchise. Nice work!
Ayyy, Mikado hotel! Hope there’s no Minotaur at the bottom :P
Goes without saying, but as always, your characters designs are phenomenal!
Ohh snap, an Invoker! Now THAT is a freaking cool idea!
[insert AfterAdos’ usual “no, not another massacre” line here]
Naoto, our resident detective, being (albeit only slightly) skeptical of Kei seems right on target for her character, I dig that!
Oumagautsu’s last line could use some clarification - I had to read it a few times to understand. I think he’s saying that they SHOULD escape to Mayonaka for now, but I’m a little confused since he also says “I’d rather wait for now,” which meant to me that he’s /not/ going to escape, but then he /does/ escape… to me, it was a little unclear what he was planning, until he actually left. This isn’t a big deal, but just wanted to point it out.
Welcome back, Velvet Room people!
Really cool idea for people to /not/ have Shadows by avoiding their true selves! I think it’s a great play off the the concept of Personas/Shadows. Although… if they avoid their true selves, doesn’t that mean they don’t have a Persona, rather than they don't have a Shadow? In-game (in P4, at least), I think when people deny their true selves, their Shadow gets tremendously powerful and it’s only once they accept their true selves they get their Persona. So wouldn’t denying your true self lead to a stronger Shadow rather than no Shadow?
But regardless of if I’m right there, the idea of people having/lacking Personas/Shadows due to mental conditioning is REALLY cool!
Cute little scene with Yu, Nanako, and Marie at Dojima’s place. I like the detail, but also that you lept it brief, focusing the main dialogue on the parts with Marie and Yu discussing the Omega Franchise. Nice work!
Ayyy, Mikado hotel! Hope there’s no Minotaur at the bottom :P
Goes without saying, but as always, your characters designs are phenomenal!
Ohh snap, an Invoker! Now THAT is a freaking cool idea!
[insert AfterAdos’ usual “no, not another massacre” line here]
Naoto, our resident detective, being (albeit only slightly) skeptical of Kei seems right on target for her character, I dig that!
Oumagautsu’s last line could use some clarification - I had to read it a few times to understand. I think he’s saying that they SHOULD escape to Mayonaka for now, but I’m a little confused since he also says “I’d rather wait for now,” which meant to me that he’s /not/ going to escape, but then he /does/ escape… to me, it was a little unclear what he was planning, until he actually left. This isn’t a big deal, but just wanted to point it out.
9/16/2019 c181 afterados
Interesting intro to the new characters of Kei and Yusuke! I like that you introduced them in a small scene and did not show a lot of new characters- the fact that it’s just those two makes it easier for me to remember and connect with them.
I really like the Yukiko/Dylan scene too! Their dialogue and actions seem very natural and flow together very well, from teasing each other to a few minutes of silence before Yukiko brings up Oumagatsu. That few minutes of silence to me is very important… that’s what makes it feel natural, having a short gap where they sit quietly together before Yukiko remembers to ask about Oumagatsu. Awesome job!
I’m not sure it’s a good idea for Yu to trust someone so immediately, but on a writing level I do approve of keeping the pacing very fast!
The quick Sho v. Oumagatsu is good so that we can see both (a) a reference for how powerful Oumagatsu is, and (b) how he can absorb the bodies of the dead to give himself strength. Sho “show”ing up (ha!) is also great because it’s totally in line with his character to show up and cause havoc for no reason.
Ahh, I still think that Kei shouldn’t have been so readily accepted (who knows who he really is, and I would’ve assumed at least Naoto would’ve been suspicious [NOTE - after reading the next chapter, I see that she is, so kudos!]), but hey, his welcome scene is pretty cute!
And I love that last line! Keep up the good work!
Interesting intro to the new characters of Kei and Yusuke! I like that you introduced them in a small scene and did not show a lot of new characters- the fact that it’s just those two makes it easier for me to remember and connect with them.
I really like the Yukiko/Dylan scene too! Their dialogue and actions seem very natural and flow together very well, from teasing each other to a few minutes of silence before Yukiko brings up Oumagatsu. That few minutes of silence to me is very important… that’s what makes it feel natural, having a short gap where they sit quietly together before Yukiko remembers to ask about Oumagatsu. Awesome job!
I’m not sure it’s a good idea for Yu to trust someone so immediately, but on a writing level I do approve of keeping the pacing very fast!
The quick Sho v. Oumagatsu is good so that we can see both (a) a reference for how powerful Oumagatsu is, and (b) how he can absorb the bodies of the dead to give himself strength. Sho “show”ing up (ha!) is also great because it’s totally in line with his character to show up and cause havoc for no reason.
Ahh, I still think that Kei shouldn’t have been so readily accepted (who knows who he really is, and I would’ve assumed at least Naoto would’ve been suspicious [NOTE - after reading the next chapter, I see that she is, so kudos!]), but hey, his welcome scene is pretty cute!
And I love that last line! Keep up the good work!
9/16/2019 c180 afterados
I like seeing Takeru casually hanging out at the Hanamura’s house. Guess he does work for them!
This first intro bit, before the intro to Oumagatsu/Orosu, could’ve had shortened. The only really important bit in the first section is Teddie’s intro to Yonotsu Hirasaka, so you could probably remove the bits where Yosuke and Takeru are saying “we should tell the team about Yomotsu Hirasaka,” for instance - it seems a bit unnecessary, since teddie is about to describe it anyways.
Ahh, hello more chaotic evil! I admit, my first reaction to this was “gah we just finished a big bad villain arc!” But Oumagatsu is a really wacky and interesting idea, as is the Omega Franchise. Clothing that makes people kill others? That reminds me of Kingsman: The Secret Service, cool idea!
I really like the SoT’s analysis for what Oumagatsu wants - Zach’s explanation in particular sounds like it could be right, and it’s cool philosophically!
Though, I disagree with Yukiko’s thoughts. If they knew exactly why Kotone was after them, but are unsure of why Oumagatsu is, isn’t Kotone MORE predictable?
Last point - while there were a bunch of cool things in his chapter I think it could’ve been shortened. But as a short chapter in and of itself, definitely not a big deal. Keep up the good work!
I like seeing Takeru casually hanging out at the Hanamura’s house. Guess he does work for them!
This first intro bit, before the intro to Oumagatsu/Orosu, could’ve had shortened. The only really important bit in the first section is Teddie’s intro to Yonotsu Hirasaka, so you could probably remove the bits where Yosuke and Takeru are saying “we should tell the team about Yomotsu Hirasaka,” for instance - it seems a bit unnecessary, since teddie is about to describe it anyways.
Ahh, hello more chaotic evil! I admit, my first reaction to this was “gah we just finished a big bad villain arc!” But Oumagatsu is a really wacky and interesting idea, as is the Omega Franchise. Clothing that makes people kill others? That reminds me of Kingsman: The Secret Service, cool idea!
I really like the SoT’s analysis for what Oumagatsu wants - Zach’s explanation in particular sounds like it could be right, and it’s cool philosophically!
Though, I disagree with Yukiko’s thoughts. If they knew exactly why Kotone was after them, but are unsure of why Oumagatsu is, isn’t Kotone MORE predictable?
Last point - while there were a bunch of cool things in his chapter I think it could’ve been shortened. But as a short chapter in and of itself, definitely not a big deal. Keep up the good work!
9/16/2019 c179 afterados
THERE WOULD BE 70 CHARACTERS IN THAT BATTLE WHAAAAT!?
DUDE that is an absurd amount! Props to you for the audacity and how difficult it is to make and remember and write about them all… but, that’s far too many characters for your audience to remember, imo. I think you made the right choice by skipping this fight.
Kudos on explaining why the inhabitants of Inaba wouldn't notice that they were removed from time!
I don’t have too much else to say on this chapter, to be honest. It has been a long, long time since we’ve seen characters just chilling out with each other, and I’m glad to see it happen again! I also like that you added some nuance with Kanji’s opinions on Kotone’s death. Good stuff, keep it up!
THERE WOULD BE 70 CHARACTERS IN THAT BATTLE WHAAAAT!?
DUDE that is an absurd amount! Props to you for the audacity and how difficult it is to make and remember and write about them all… but, that’s far too many characters for your audience to remember, imo. I think you made the right choice by skipping this fight.
Kudos on explaining why the inhabitants of Inaba wouldn't notice that they were removed from time!
I don’t have too much else to say on this chapter, to be honest. It has been a long, long time since we’ve seen characters just chilling out with each other, and I’m glad to see it happen again! I also like that you added some nuance with Kanji’s opinions on Kotone’s death. Good stuff, keep it up!
9/16/2019 c178 afterados
Hey I like that you immediately get into the action! But, some descriptions seem like they’re missing. For instance, the description of “Ruinous Arrows” is just that Dylan felt like he’d been shot with thousands of arrows. But what does the attack look like? Or sound like? Similarly, after Kotone crushes the red card he summons around himself, it says “Kotone appeared to be even stronger…” What makes him appear stronger? Things like that I’d love to see you describe in greater detail.
The part where Kotone suddenly disappears doesn’t make sense to me. I think maybe the part where you describe Kotone disappearing was accidentally removed? Since the story goes from Dylan cutting off Kotone’s legs to Nari no Okami saying “It seems we have driven Kotone off. Or he’s merely biding his time…” I think this is just a simple editing mistake, but wanted to point it out.
Before I go too far in this - The fight is still pretty cool! The descriptions that you do have are great, and everything’s still quite intense.
Why did Kotone decide to disappear? There doesn’t seem to be any reason, and it only elongates the fight unnecessarily. Nothing wrong with a long fight, but also no reason to make it longer for no reason.
I’d like you to explain Hiraishingeki/Hiraishingiri - sounds like it’s just a unique spell name, but since there’s quick banter between Nari no Okami and Dylan (discussing which of the spell names would be best), you should make sure the audience knows the difference between them. As it stands, it feels like we should know the difference, but since I’m guessing it’s a play on Japanese words, I don’t know it.
BUT LET ME SAY that it’s fantastic to see your increased level of detail when you describe said spell! I’d love to see it more often.
And afterwards, Yaldabaoth taking control of Kotone was quite cool! I actually didn’t see it coming (though maybe I should’ve in hindsight). And as always, your descriptions of the new character of Yaldabaoth was fantastic - super detailed, and very interesting!
Oh ho, the Scarlet Room! More rooms and more people, and I’m not opposed to the appearance of another room - since Yaldabaoth is a threat to the whole multiverse, it makes sense that people from other dimensions would get involved. Normally, I’d probably wonder how she was able to cross dimensions… but in this case, I believe she’s SUPPOSED to be mysterious, so i think it’s alright to leave her a bit of a mystery.
Kudos for giving a reason for Dylan and Brianna to talk in the middle of the fight - if they can’t stop Yaldabaoth’s transformation, then no reason not to talk while they wait for it to finish. And Dylan’s comment about feeling pity for Kotone, even after all he’d done… there’s some character growth right there.
However: Dylan insulting Brianna for no reason (esp. after she showed up to help him) does seem odd. Is the fact that she’s from the Scarlet Room supposed to imply she’s normally evil? If so, I think that should be clarified.
Also, I will say the 2nd half of this chapter’s fight got pretty same-y: just Dylan/Brianna attacking Yaldabaoth, and Yaldabaoth attacking them back, with no real progress until he transforms into his final form.
Uh, why DOES Brianna just teleport away after the final transformation? Seems like she could still be helpful. She even says “please don’t make me spell if out for you” when she’s retreating, but… I need it spelled out for me! Why?
Also - though it’s heavily implied that Dylan’s talking about the bonds of friendship when he talks of the power he has that Yaldabaoth doesn’t… he never actually says it. I would include Dylan saying that for future fights!
All in all, I think this fight could’ve been more inventive - the designs as always are super creative, but this fight was just Dylan (and sometimes Brianna) whacking Yaldabaoth, and vice versa until Yaldabaoth finally went down. It got pretty same-y as previously mentioned, but also i’m not sure why Dylan was able to win. Just seems like he had the bigger HP stat, and access to more healing spells. Either way, keep up the good work!
Hey I like that you immediately get into the action! But, some descriptions seem like they’re missing. For instance, the description of “Ruinous Arrows” is just that Dylan felt like he’d been shot with thousands of arrows. But what does the attack look like? Or sound like? Similarly, after Kotone crushes the red card he summons around himself, it says “Kotone appeared to be even stronger…” What makes him appear stronger? Things like that I’d love to see you describe in greater detail.
The part where Kotone suddenly disappears doesn’t make sense to me. I think maybe the part where you describe Kotone disappearing was accidentally removed? Since the story goes from Dylan cutting off Kotone’s legs to Nari no Okami saying “It seems we have driven Kotone off. Or he’s merely biding his time…” I think this is just a simple editing mistake, but wanted to point it out.
Before I go too far in this - The fight is still pretty cool! The descriptions that you do have are great, and everything’s still quite intense.
Why did Kotone decide to disappear? There doesn’t seem to be any reason, and it only elongates the fight unnecessarily. Nothing wrong with a long fight, but also no reason to make it longer for no reason.
I’d like you to explain Hiraishingeki/Hiraishingiri - sounds like it’s just a unique spell name, but since there’s quick banter between Nari no Okami and Dylan (discussing which of the spell names would be best), you should make sure the audience knows the difference between them. As it stands, it feels like we should know the difference, but since I’m guessing it’s a play on Japanese words, I don’t know it.
BUT LET ME SAY that it’s fantastic to see your increased level of detail when you describe said spell! I’d love to see it more often.
And afterwards, Yaldabaoth taking control of Kotone was quite cool! I actually didn’t see it coming (though maybe I should’ve in hindsight). And as always, your descriptions of the new character of Yaldabaoth was fantastic - super detailed, and very interesting!
Oh ho, the Scarlet Room! More rooms and more people, and I’m not opposed to the appearance of another room - since Yaldabaoth is a threat to the whole multiverse, it makes sense that people from other dimensions would get involved. Normally, I’d probably wonder how she was able to cross dimensions… but in this case, I believe she’s SUPPOSED to be mysterious, so i think it’s alright to leave her a bit of a mystery.
Kudos for giving a reason for Dylan and Brianna to talk in the middle of the fight - if they can’t stop Yaldabaoth’s transformation, then no reason not to talk while they wait for it to finish. And Dylan’s comment about feeling pity for Kotone, even after all he’d done… there’s some character growth right there.
However: Dylan insulting Brianna for no reason (esp. after she showed up to help him) does seem odd. Is the fact that she’s from the Scarlet Room supposed to imply she’s normally evil? If so, I think that should be clarified.
Also, I will say the 2nd half of this chapter’s fight got pretty same-y: just Dylan/Brianna attacking Yaldabaoth, and Yaldabaoth attacking them back, with no real progress until he transforms into his final form.
Uh, why DOES Brianna just teleport away after the final transformation? Seems like she could still be helpful. She even says “please don’t make me spell if out for you” when she’s retreating, but… I need it spelled out for me! Why?
Also - though it’s heavily implied that Dylan’s talking about the bonds of friendship when he talks of the power he has that Yaldabaoth doesn’t… he never actually says it. I would include Dylan saying that for future fights!
All in all, I think this fight could’ve been more inventive - the designs as always are super creative, but this fight was just Dylan (and sometimes Brianna) whacking Yaldabaoth, and vice versa until Yaldabaoth finally went down. It got pretty same-y as previously mentioned, but also i’m not sure why Dylan was able to win. Just seems like he had the bigger HP stat, and access to more healing spells. Either way, keep up the good work!
9/16/2019 c177 afterados
(Gonna be trying something new from the usual “good/improvements” format - instead will just be talking about things as they happen in the chapter chronologically.)
I dig that you’re showing the wider battle in Inaba, rather than solely focusing on Kotone v. SoT and ShadowOps. It shows the breadth and importance of the overall battle. I do find it hard to remember details about the side characters.I love how many characters you have and the detail in their designs, but I find it tough to remember a lot of them (Asuka, Ikaruga, Katsuragi, etc.). Do you think it’d be a good idea to narrow down how many new characters you introduce, or remind us what they look like/are wearing to help us recall?
I like the increased detail for the wider scale fights! Lines like “Asuka cut through another member of the X-Laws…”, “Katsuragi kicked another member of the X-LAWS in the face” are great, quick lines that tell us what these characters are doing. I’m still of the opinion that you don’t need to show what /everyone/ says and does right in a row - that makes it feel like everyone’s just waiting for their turn to act, which doesn’t feel very natural - but I still dig the detail! (FYI, what I’d do instead is split up the character details with some other details related to the overall fight or environment. For variety!) (Also, to contrast a line I don’t like as much - right after the “Katsuragi…” line above, comes the line “Yagyu and Hibari both took out some more of the X-LAWS.” This seems plain and non-descript, in contrast to the quick, specific details of the other lines. So imo this line could be fixed by adding more detail, or could be removed so as to not have so many characters acting/speaking all at once.)
Once again, more good details when you mention what Homura and Finn’s groups are doing - I know I must seem contradictory, sometimes saying “needs more detail!” and sometimes saying “too long!”, but this is a good example of quickly summarizing relevant details - since this isn’t an uber important scene, you didn’t need to include a lot of detail, but briefly describing how the characters are laid out/what they’re doing in the battlefield is great. And so, what you did here was great!
The fight between Dylan and Kotone is awesome! Great details, and it’s fun watching the ridiculous attacks between both Kotone and Dylan. I was a little disappointed with how everyone fell for Kotone’s lame “please don’t kill me… SIKE” trick. But - kudos for having Yukiko immediately call Yu out for falling for it! (The impact is diminished somewhat b/c Yukiko /also/ fell for it… but still, I do like that you brought it up.)
Ok, everything Kotone says when he merges with Yaldabaoth is straight up awesome… and I love how Kotone-baoth sounds like a stone-cold badass (“Everything that you say and do is a cliche.” “We’ve got all the time in the world and nobody is going to hear you scream.”). That’s cool! This is the type of stuff I would love you to do more of in your villains - you don’t need to make him do something hyper-violent, or do something absolutely despicable… I know he’s capable of doing whatever he wants to do, both from his design (which, as always, is awesome) and from his personality - no gross-out details or gore required. To me, THIS is how you introduce a new form of villain, and this is how you show the stakes - because you don’t need to see him do the bad things, you know he needs to be stopped so he WON’T do the bad things. And especially when it comes to a villain who can basically take out the whole world if he wanted to, he probably /needs/ to be stopped first. (Though, as you know, I’m biased when it come to these things :P)
Either way, great job dude!
(Gonna be trying something new from the usual “good/improvements” format - instead will just be talking about things as they happen in the chapter chronologically.)
I dig that you’re showing the wider battle in Inaba, rather than solely focusing on Kotone v. SoT and ShadowOps. It shows the breadth and importance of the overall battle. I do find it hard to remember details about the side characters.I love how many characters you have and the detail in their designs, but I find it tough to remember a lot of them (Asuka, Ikaruga, Katsuragi, etc.). Do you think it’d be a good idea to narrow down how many new characters you introduce, or remind us what they look like/are wearing to help us recall?
I like the increased detail for the wider scale fights! Lines like “Asuka cut through another member of the X-Laws…”, “Katsuragi kicked another member of the X-LAWS in the face” are great, quick lines that tell us what these characters are doing. I’m still of the opinion that you don’t need to show what /everyone/ says and does right in a row - that makes it feel like everyone’s just waiting for their turn to act, which doesn’t feel very natural - but I still dig the detail! (FYI, what I’d do instead is split up the character details with some other details related to the overall fight or environment. For variety!) (Also, to contrast a line I don’t like as much - right after the “Katsuragi…” line above, comes the line “Yagyu and Hibari both took out some more of the X-LAWS.” This seems plain and non-descript, in contrast to the quick, specific details of the other lines. So imo this line could be fixed by adding more detail, or could be removed so as to not have so many characters acting/speaking all at once.)
Once again, more good details when you mention what Homura and Finn’s groups are doing - I know I must seem contradictory, sometimes saying “needs more detail!” and sometimes saying “too long!”, but this is a good example of quickly summarizing relevant details - since this isn’t an uber important scene, you didn’t need to include a lot of detail, but briefly describing how the characters are laid out/what they’re doing in the battlefield is great. And so, what you did here was great!
The fight between Dylan and Kotone is awesome! Great details, and it’s fun watching the ridiculous attacks between both Kotone and Dylan. I was a little disappointed with how everyone fell for Kotone’s lame “please don’t kill me… SIKE” trick. But - kudos for having Yukiko immediately call Yu out for falling for it! (The impact is diminished somewhat b/c Yukiko /also/ fell for it… but still, I do like that you brought it up.)
Ok, everything Kotone says when he merges with Yaldabaoth is straight up awesome… and I love how Kotone-baoth sounds like a stone-cold badass (“Everything that you say and do is a cliche.” “We’ve got all the time in the world and nobody is going to hear you scream.”). That’s cool! This is the type of stuff I would love you to do more of in your villains - you don’t need to make him do something hyper-violent, or do something absolutely despicable… I know he’s capable of doing whatever he wants to do, both from his design (which, as always, is awesome) and from his personality - no gross-out details or gore required. To me, THIS is how you introduce a new form of villain, and this is how you show the stakes - because you don’t need to see him do the bad things, you know he needs to be stopped so he WON’T do the bad things. And especially when it comes to a villain who can basically take out the whole world if he wanted to, he probably /needs/ to be stopped first. (Though, as you know, I’m biased when it come to these things :P)
Either way, great job dude!
8/7/2019 c193 RosyMiranto18
Surprise LNWU chapter, and it’s a lot longer than usual… and it’s on this Thursday where everyone seems to want to swarm me with fics and other stuff instead of Wednesday Afternoon where I’m dead bored. Goddamnit! Anyway, moving on, don’t have much time as you can deduce here.
Note: I was confused by the word Et Al as I’m so accustomed to And co. instead.
Also, Farewell to… wait, considering that this is Mitsuo. Change it. *Cue Theme of Lu Bu Epic Mix* Now we’re talking: youtu . be/ncjGWTbuEhw
1a. *pause* Oh, no wonder this chapter is very long. This is when we finally kicks Mitsuo to the Gates of Hell (Is it the Garvaza Gas Crater? Maybe :D, hopefully for good this time.
b. Half hour already? Damn, this is much longer than before. They might as well spends all the way into the night before Oomagatsu is truly defeated.
c. And… they already transformed, no wonder it got dragged on for this long
2a. Skeletal? So is he Grim Reaper-sized or Gashadokuro-sized?
b. Grydyne? Shit, now Gravity/Force Spells is included. I prefer Zan, but eh… Still, now I’m guessing that Anatoly and Wes have either Water or Earth Spell too.
c. Fortunately, he is imbecilic enough to not exploit Gravity Spells to keep his enemies pinned down to the ground.
d. I didn’t know that you have dreadlocks, Eddie. Since when?
e. Oops, I guess Bertholt, Anatoly, and Wes, are a not-so-innocent bystander in Mitsuo’s way now. But hey, at least the Three Stooges decided to have a Tactical Retreat, which is good.
3a. Uh… Dylan, why did you put a Capital T in Take? Are you making a pun to Takeuchi? :O
b. Besides, even if Yukiko is a prize, she would never never EVER picked you, imbecile.
c. Also, a question here. Which one do you think is worse, LNWU!Mitsuo or Matou Shinji from F/SN, at least from personality alone? That’s actually on my mind for quite some time.
d. I imagine if Kotone tried to do the Criminal Mastermind Challenge in GTA Online Heist, he would die and fail the challenge at the first shoot-out.
e. Meh, in the end, probably the result for this Mitsuo isn’t too far from him in the past. Easily curbstomped to death.
f. I think Dylan would win in physical strength alone with no Persona or anything supernatural… imbecile.
g. *sighs* Of course it would be wrestling-related. Can we have something unique for once, even if it’s based on Mitsuo’s Dungeon?
h. That Announcer Shadow is better not be an Announcer James.
4a. Judo chop? Since when Mitsuo knows Judo?
b. I don’t think you can eat Papillion Heart as it’s made of metal. This is not Debus, you know? (Debus is an Indonesian thing, don’t worry about it)
c. Black Ichor? Well, I guess this confirms that Mitsuo is not a human anymore, even if it’s Edo Tensei’ed.
d. Now that you mention it, is there any… positive talent or skill that Mitsuo ever have? Other than possibly hacking, of course.
e. Well, her goes snapping his neck to death.
5a. Maybe Dylan is a Blood Knight, but I think even he prefers a good ol’ sparring instead of things like this, especially with this Imbecile.
b. *pause* Yep, Mitsuo’s definitely a hypocritical villain.
c. I honestly prefer that 8-bit Robot, but… at least this is not that creepy baby inside.
d. Wait, how did Mitsuo heal Dylan? If it’s what I think, if he has Diarahan, then he could abuse that Diarahan to outlast Dylan. But… I know he’s too imbecilic to see that, even if he’s definitely will not fight fairly.
e. Hateful Rain sounds like meh for me. Then again, this is Mitsuo we’re talking about.
f. Wait Dylan, why did you use Ice Breaker when Mitsuo is already hurt by ice. It’s not that the effect is to make person weak to certain elements and not losing their resistance to it.
g. Remember Folks, Gloating is always one of Villain’s largest weaknesses.
6a. Pestilential? *checking* Hm… that’s a good word. I might use that word for a Spell if I had a chance.
b. Now you’re using Elec Break efficiently, Dylan.
c. At least Adachi have some good qualities, while you literally have none or MINUTES of it.
7a. Orgia Mode? So you’re the 8th Generation Anti-Shadow Weapon now, Dylan Blake? Also, be careful, there’s a cooldown to it that will render you incapacitated.
b. Conjure Up Weapon? *whistling innocently*
c. *pause* Okay, did you actually summon that weapon, given by your future self, saved it from a Skill Card, or… I don’t know. If it’s actually summoned, I had to ask where did it come from.
d. Oh god, Mk. II… that’s a red flag of something very broken *Cough*Oppresor Mk. II*Cough* *pause* Okay, Stormbreaker, here goes the broken part. Although, I prefer it to be called in German, aka. Sturmbrecher instead.
8a. Redux is not really a good word for an upgraded skill, to be honest. Then again this is Mitsuo we’re talking about. The good one is True-, -II or -Mk. II, or… Requiem (Yes, JoJo reference)
b. I just realized something. Did you have Thunder Reign, Nifflheim, or even any physical skill like God Hand or Agneyastra since you, Dylan, are… well… you know…?
c. I guess Herpes is a good analogy here *sighs*
d. Here, Dylan, do you want a Bayfresh? :D
e. So this is basically a Demonic TRON? Okay, it looks better and closer than that Lizard (Marvel) Reject. And… of course he’s as delusional as always. What an imbecile.
9a. *sweatdrop* Really, why did you just starting to use your Wild Card now, Dylan? I can understand the first fistfight, but why not use it on that Lizard Reject?
b. Lucifrost? That’s a bad pun! But is it cute? *pause* Wait, this is based on Lucifer or Helel?
c. Why not. Besides, you’re so imbecilic that you didn’t try to heal yourself as I expected.
d. Technically Lucifrost is Lucifer is Satanael, so… just give him a Sinful Shell, Dylan.
e. And It’s Dylan who immediately cut his head and not talk. You should have done that from the beginning, o Mitsuo the Imbecile…
10. Congratulations, you get some respect from Shou which is rare. Imagine if they’re becoming Fire Forged Friends after this.
And… that’s about it. There are some other stuff I need to do too, so see you later and Keep Update!
P.S.: You noticed that I said Imbecile a lot in this chapter. Blame Kyle Hebert who voiced both Mitsuo and Sima Yi.
Surprise LNWU chapter, and it’s a lot longer than usual… and it’s on this Thursday where everyone seems to want to swarm me with fics and other stuff instead of Wednesday Afternoon where I’m dead bored. Goddamnit! Anyway, moving on, don’t have much time as you can deduce here.
Note: I was confused by the word Et Al as I’m so accustomed to And co. instead.
Also, Farewell to… wait, considering that this is Mitsuo. Change it. *Cue Theme of Lu Bu Epic Mix* Now we’re talking: youtu . be/ncjGWTbuEhw
1a. *pause* Oh, no wonder this chapter is very long. This is when we finally kicks Mitsuo to the Gates of Hell (Is it the Garvaza Gas Crater? Maybe :D, hopefully for good this time.
b. Half hour already? Damn, this is much longer than before. They might as well spends all the way into the night before Oomagatsu is truly defeated.
c. And… they already transformed, no wonder it got dragged on for this long
2a. Skeletal? So is he Grim Reaper-sized or Gashadokuro-sized?
b. Grydyne? Shit, now Gravity/Force Spells is included. I prefer Zan, but eh… Still, now I’m guessing that Anatoly and Wes have either Water or Earth Spell too.
c. Fortunately, he is imbecilic enough to not exploit Gravity Spells to keep his enemies pinned down to the ground.
d. I didn’t know that you have dreadlocks, Eddie. Since when?
e. Oops, I guess Bertholt, Anatoly, and Wes, are a not-so-innocent bystander in Mitsuo’s way now. But hey, at least the Three Stooges decided to have a Tactical Retreat, which is good.
3a. Uh… Dylan, why did you put a Capital T in Take? Are you making a pun to Takeuchi? :O
b. Besides, even if Yukiko is a prize, she would never never EVER picked you, imbecile.
c. Also, a question here. Which one do you think is worse, LNWU!Mitsuo or Matou Shinji from F/SN, at least from personality alone? That’s actually on my mind for quite some time.
d. I imagine if Kotone tried to do the Criminal Mastermind Challenge in GTA Online Heist, he would die and fail the challenge at the first shoot-out.
e. Meh, in the end, probably the result for this Mitsuo isn’t too far from him in the past. Easily curbstomped to death.
f. I think Dylan would win in physical strength alone with no Persona or anything supernatural… imbecile.
g. *sighs* Of course it would be wrestling-related. Can we have something unique for once, even if it’s based on Mitsuo’s Dungeon?
h. That Announcer Shadow is better not be an Announcer James.
4a. Judo chop? Since when Mitsuo knows Judo?
b. I don’t think you can eat Papillion Heart as it’s made of metal. This is not Debus, you know? (Debus is an Indonesian thing, don’t worry about it)
c. Black Ichor? Well, I guess this confirms that Mitsuo is not a human anymore, even if it’s Edo Tensei’ed.
d. Now that you mention it, is there any… positive talent or skill that Mitsuo ever have? Other than possibly hacking, of course.
e. Well, her goes snapping his neck to death.
5a. Maybe Dylan is a Blood Knight, but I think even he prefers a good ol’ sparring instead of things like this, especially with this Imbecile.
b. *pause* Yep, Mitsuo’s definitely a hypocritical villain.
c. I honestly prefer that 8-bit Robot, but… at least this is not that creepy baby inside.
d. Wait, how did Mitsuo heal Dylan? If it’s what I think, if he has Diarahan, then he could abuse that Diarahan to outlast Dylan. But… I know he’s too imbecilic to see that, even if he’s definitely will not fight fairly.
e. Hateful Rain sounds like meh for me. Then again, this is Mitsuo we’re talking about.
f. Wait Dylan, why did you use Ice Breaker when Mitsuo is already hurt by ice. It’s not that the effect is to make person weak to certain elements and not losing their resistance to it.
g. Remember Folks, Gloating is always one of Villain’s largest weaknesses.
6a. Pestilential? *checking* Hm… that’s a good word. I might use that word for a Spell if I had a chance.
b. Now you’re using Elec Break efficiently, Dylan.
c. At least Adachi have some good qualities, while you literally have none or MINUTES of it.
7a. Orgia Mode? So you’re the 8th Generation Anti-Shadow Weapon now, Dylan Blake? Also, be careful, there’s a cooldown to it that will render you incapacitated.
b. Conjure Up Weapon? *whistling innocently*
c. *pause* Okay, did you actually summon that weapon, given by your future self, saved it from a Skill Card, or… I don’t know. If it’s actually summoned, I had to ask where did it come from.
d. Oh god, Mk. II… that’s a red flag of something very broken *Cough*Oppresor Mk. II*Cough* *pause* Okay, Stormbreaker, here goes the broken part. Although, I prefer it to be called in German, aka. Sturmbrecher instead.
8a. Redux is not really a good word for an upgraded skill, to be honest. Then again this is Mitsuo we’re talking about. The good one is True-, -II or -Mk. II, or… Requiem (Yes, JoJo reference)
b. I just realized something. Did you have Thunder Reign, Nifflheim, or even any physical skill like God Hand or Agneyastra since you, Dylan, are… well… you know…?
c. I guess Herpes is a good analogy here *sighs*
d. Here, Dylan, do you want a Bayfresh? :D
e. So this is basically a Demonic TRON? Okay, it looks better and closer than that Lizard (Marvel) Reject. And… of course he’s as delusional as always. What an imbecile.
9a. *sweatdrop* Really, why did you just starting to use your Wild Card now, Dylan? I can understand the first fistfight, but why not use it on that Lizard Reject?
b. Lucifrost? That’s a bad pun! But is it cute? *pause* Wait, this is based on Lucifer or Helel?
c. Why not. Besides, you’re so imbecilic that you didn’t try to heal yourself as I expected.
d. Technically Lucifrost is Lucifer is Satanael, so… just give him a Sinful Shell, Dylan.
e. And It’s Dylan who immediately cut his head and not talk. You should have done that from the beginning, o Mitsuo the Imbecile…
10. Congratulations, you get some respect from Shou which is rare. Imagine if they’re becoming Fire Forged Friends after this.
And… that’s about it. There are some other stuff I need to do too, so see you later and Keep Update!
P.S.: You noticed that I said Imbecile a lot in this chapter. Blame Kyle Hebert who voiced both Mitsuo and Sima Yi.