for Persona 4: Leave No Words Unspoken5/21/2018 c172 RosyMiranto18
Okay, no punchline this time. Let's just start the review now.
1. Hm... barred from Inaba forever, huh? That reminds me, where did Isshaku got locked again?
2a. Wait, where did i hear the name Arikado again? Oh, yes. Is he related to the detective on IDBH?
b. To be honest, i would just referring the student council period as 2012. As it starts and ends in January instead of the middle of the year.
3b. Okay, ehm, i honestly surprised that Dylan won the election. I know he is pretty much the one who is most qualified for this, but i honestly expect him to lose against Genba for example. I guess this whole occupation is one of the decisive factor that bolstering Dylan's vote. Still, can you tell me the analysis of the whole vote, or rather why the other candidate fails.
c. And he's planning to invite the other candidates for cooperation, now i'm proud of him.
5a. Yeah, i guess unless if Zane is trying to ambush him or something, guessing what meeting is it will only inviting headache.
b. Ckckck, i think even Isshaku is disgusted at Kotone, i guess even evil has standard, indeed.
c. Hm... how about you two stab Kotone at the same time, that will solve the debate on which one who get the kill? It's a win-win, you know.
d. Anyway, i know you will trying to restore the Kubo name once Kotone is dead, but how did you do that Zane?
e. Hey, bringing SEES, if they haven't form Shadow Operatives yet, as a backup is always a good idea, Zane. Don't be overconfident in the Seekers of Truth.
f. Er... you have a point Dylan, he's now too inhuman to understand something basic. Then again, Demiurge himself told Zane whole Demogorgon... probably wouldn't.
6a. Hm... it seems that Santa Dismas is a fictional place, care to tell me where it is? My guess is somewhere in Caribbean.
b. Sighs... cannibalism, eh? Will Kotone falls deeper than this, without counting the whole Dark Hour thing?
c. I know everyone have a missing piece and i know everyone spend their life to finding it, but this one is too far.
d. Hm... it seems things will gone something arguably worse than 9/11 is happening in New York. Speaking of which, outside of Zack, Travis, and Eddie, is there anyone who treats Dylan well in New York? Even if there isn't, i'm sure he will sympathize them.
Ugh... it seems that everything is already gone dark before it even really started. I guess that's everything for today. Well then, see you later and Keep Update!
Okay, no punchline this time. Let's just start the review now.
1. Hm... barred from Inaba forever, huh? That reminds me, where did Isshaku got locked again?
2a. Wait, where did i hear the name Arikado again? Oh, yes. Is he related to the detective on IDBH?
b. To be honest, i would just referring the student council period as 2012. As it starts and ends in January instead of the middle of the year.
3b. Okay, ehm, i honestly surprised that Dylan won the election. I know he is pretty much the one who is most qualified for this, but i honestly expect him to lose against Genba for example. I guess this whole occupation is one of the decisive factor that bolstering Dylan's vote. Still, can you tell me the analysis of the whole vote, or rather why the other candidate fails.
c. And he's planning to invite the other candidates for cooperation, now i'm proud of him.
5a. Yeah, i guess unless if Zane is trying to ambush him or something, guessing what meeting is it will only inviting headache.
b. Ckckck, i think even Isshaku is disgusted at Kotone, i guess even evil has standard, indeed.
c. Hm... how about you two stab Kotone at the same time, that will solve the debate on which one who get the kill? It's a win-win, you know.
d. Anyway, i know you will trying to restore the Kubo name once Kotone is dead, but how did you do that Zane?
e. Hey, bringing SEES, if they haven't form Shadow Operatives yet, as a backup is always a good idea, Zane. Don't be overconfident in the Seekers of Truth.
f. Er... you have a point Dylan, he's now too inhuman to understand something basic. Then again, Demiurge himself told Zane whole Demogorgon... probably wouldn't.
6a. Hm... it seems that Santa Dismas is a fictional place, care to tell me where it is? My guess is somewhere in Caribbean.
b. Sighs... cannibalism, eh? Will Kotone falls deeper than this, without counting the whole Dark Hour thing?
c. I know everyone have a missing piece and i know everyone spend their life to finding it, but this one is too far.
d. Hm... it seems things will gone something arguably worse than 9/11 is happening in New York. Speaking of which, outside of Zack, Travis, and Eddie, is there anyone who treats Dylan well in New York? Even if there isn't, i'm sure he will sympathize them.
Ugh... it seems that everything is already gone dark before it even really started. I guess that's everything for today. Well then, see you later and Keep Update!
5/18/2018 c138 
2afterados
Good: First off, that joke at the beginning? Not cheesy enough. Aw man, I love that quick line “they walked in silence. Hands held tight.” Super cute! And surprise that Mina’s pregnant, that’s gonna get complicated! Also, ok, wow, I can’t tell you how much I love 1) the scene with Minato, Tatsuya, and Naoya talking about the future of the Seekers of Truth and themselves (finishing it off with some awesome introspection by Minato), and 2) the scene where Nanako remembers what Dylan told her a few chapters back, dude, that is FANTASTIC AGH ITS GREAT! This was all around just a very nice chapter, good work!
Improvements: None, keep it up!
2afteradosGood: First off, that joke at the beginning? Not cheesy enough. Aw man, I love that quick line “they walked in silence. Hands held tight.” Super cute! And surprise that Mina’s pregnant, that’s gonna get complicated! Also, ok, wow, I can’t tell you how much I love 1) the scene with Minato, Tatsuya, and Naoya talking about the future of the Seekers of Truth and themselves (finishing it off with some awesome introspection by Minato), and 2) the scene where Nanako remembers what Dylan told her a few chapters back, dude, that is FANTASTIC AGH ITS GREAT! This was all around just a very nice chapter, good work!
Improvements: None, keep it up!
5/18/2018 c137 afterados
Good: Generally, this chapter’s a nice way to begin wrapping up the Adachi Bros. capture and start introducing the next arc, good work! Also I dig the new name, “Seekers of Truth!” I bet Dylan came up with it. And the Marie/Dylan scene was great! Love those 2 interacting. Uh oh, that’s a rather foreboding last line… I hope it WILL be a good wedding!
Improvements: Why couldn’t Igor and Margaret help Yu and Dylan more? Like, why could they say “you’ll get lost in a snowstorm,” but couldn’t say more?
Good: Generally, this chapter’s a nice way to begin wrapping up the Adachi Bros. capture and start introducing the next arc, good work! Also I dig the new name, “Seekers of Truth!” I bet Dylan came up with it. And the Marie/Dylan scene was great! Love those 2 interacting. Uh oh, that’s a rather foreboding last line… I hope it WILL be a good wedding!
Improvements: Why couldn’t Igor and Margaret help Yu and Dylan more? Like, why could they say “you’ll get lost in a snowstorm,” but couldn’t say more?
5/9/2018 c171 RosyMiranto18
Finally, we see the end of Killer Club 4 Life Arc. So yeah, let's move on to the review now.
1. To be honest, learning about justice is a very good thing. However, sometimes justice and benevolence could be hypocritical, so learing to do the right things is the better solution in the end.
2. I'm still wondering whether Isshaku is a deathseeker or not considering that he is restoring to "Taking You with Me" on Dylan.
3. Wait, forget, since when Isshaku already aware of the Papilion Heart? I forget about it if that already happens.
4. Wait, everyone didn't noticed the huge elephant in the room called a burning bar and only calling the police when Dylan and Isshaku starting to fight in front of them? What the hell is wrong with you people.
5. And of course they would be cheating by preparing some men in front of the site. I jinxed it.
6. Someone who can gives you more money, Dylan? Who is it, Gregory?
7. Oh well, at least Isshaku is probably not a sore loser in the end, but wait, Nakatsu died?! i thought he's only gone unconscious. Regardless, the next arc would be a living hell for everyone involved, even probably the author himself.
Well, that is everything for today's review. I guess we have some coda chapters before making it to the final arc, "Demiurge and Demogorgon". Well, Keep Update!
Finally, we see the end of Killer Club 4 Life Arc. So yeah, let's move on to the review now.
1. To be honest, learning about justice is a very good thing. However, sometimes justice and benevolence could be hypocritical, so learing to do the right things is the better solution in the end.
2. I'm still wondering whether Isshaku is a deathseeker or not considering that he is restoring to "Taking You with Me" on Dylan.
3. Wait, forget, since when Isshaku already aware of the Papilion Heart? I forget about it if that already happens.
4. Wait, everyone didn't noticed the huge elephant in the room called a burning bar and only calling the police when Dylan and Isshaku starting to fight in front of them? What the hell is wrong with you people.
5. And of course they would be cheating by preparing some men in front of the site. I jinxed it.
6. Someone who can gives you more money, Dylan? Who is it, Gregory?
7. Oh well, at least Isshaku is probably not a sore loser in the end, but wait, Nakatsu died?! i thought he's only gone unconscious. Regardless, the next arc would be a living hell for everyone involved, even probably the author himself.
Well, that is everything for today's review. I guess we have some coda chapters before making it to the final arc, "Demiurge and Demogorgon". Well, Keep Update!
5/9/2018 c136 afterados
Good: Dude, I LOVE that intro to the fight, whereAdachi and Hiroki explain their motivations and have an ideological clash withthe IT! Especially that “Shadows were enjoying their life more than you” line, that’s so awesome. And the duality between Yu and Dylan rediscovering their faith in society while Adachi and Hiroki lost it… wow. And Dylan trying so hard to start up jokes and Yu totally shuts him down! Also loving the explanation of Ameno-Sagiri’s motives, i know it’s partially what’s in the game but it’s well done here. Ooh and the Dylan/Yu v. Adachi bros showdown inside Ameno-Sagiri was cool. And in general good wrap-up and grat start to the next phase of the mystery, with Yu and Dylan respectively seeing something new! Keep it up!
Improvements: …4-5 rounds? Really?
Good: Dude, I LOVE that intro to the fight, whereAdachi and Hiroki explain their motivations and have an ideological clash withthe IT! Especially that “Shadows were enjoying their life more than you” line, that’s so awesome. And the duality between Yu and Dylan rediscovering their faith in society while Adachi and Hiroki lost it… wow. And Dylan trying so hard to start up jokes and Yu totally shuts him down! Also loving the explanation of Ameno-Sagiri’s motives, i know it’s partially what’s in the game but it’s well done here. Ooh and the Dylan/Yu v. Adachi bros showdown inside Ameno-Sagiri was cool. And in general good wrap-up and grat start to the next phase of the mystery, with Yu and Dylan respectively seeing something new! Keep it up!
Improvements: …4-5 rounds? Really?
5/9/2018 c135 afterados
Good: Yu and Dylan’s talk after the Envious Giant about their respective character growth was awesome! And awesome fight scene with Yu v. Shadow Yu!
Improvements: A bit of pacing issues. Like how the fight with the Envious Giant just ended abruptly/anticlimactically. Don't just say it ended, say /how/ it ended! And I'm a bit disappointed in how abruptly Yu v. Shadow Yu’s fight ended. Where/why did that portal open up to let him get back to the others?
Good: Yu and Dylan’s talk after the Envious Giant about their respective character growth was awesome! And awesome fight scene with Yu v. Shadow Yu!
Improvements: A bit of pacing issues. Like how the fight with the Envious Giant just ended abruptly/anticlimactically. Don't just say it ended, say /how/ it ended! And I'm a bit disappointed in how abruptly Yu v. Shadow Yu’s fight ended. Where/why did that portal open up to let him get back to the others?
5/9/2018 c134 afterados
Good: Yu/Dylan interactions are good as always! I’m torn on the persona descriptions, since there’s so many of them… BUT I think overall it’s great that you included so much detail!
Improvements: Quick improvement: at the end of the chapter, you say they end up “somewhere else.” Awesome cliffhanger, but I think you should describe a few small details of that other place, just to get us interested in /where/ they've ended up without spoiling the surprise for next chapter!
Good: Yu/Dylan interactions are good as always! I’m torn on the persona descriptions, since there’s so many of them… BUT I think overall it’s great that you included so much detail!
Improvements: Quick improvement: at the end of the chapter, you say they end up “somewhere else.” Awesome cliffhanger, but I think you should describe a few small details of that other place, just to get us interested in /where/ they've ended up without spoiling the surprise for next chapter!
4/27/2018 c170 Sieglinde Eremiah
I have no idea whats going on anymore
I guess having 170 chapters does a lot to someones memory
I have no idea whats going on anymore
I guess having 170 chapters does a lot to someones memory
4/27/2018 c170 RosyMiranto18
Finally, the moment of truth. I can understand your decision to split this showdown chapter into two though. However, I still disappointed in your choice of music, which is of course, metal songs (I like the Hardest Song on Guitar Hero though). But hey, at least the Yakuza one is a smart and greatchoice, though I didn’t say this Destiny but rather the SW4 one.
1. Well, not bringing your phone might have a pros and cons. While you’re right about the likeliness of it being wrecked during the fight, you have no communication in case anything bad happens, which is likely to be true. Why don’t you use any other form of communication device, a microphone, perhaps?
2. *facepalm* The fight is just begun and Isshaku is using the first cheat, bringing a knife into a fistfight. But I’m glad you managed to disarming him, Dylan. And Isshaku saved his own epee in this place too, great *sarcasm*. I would have said you should carry your axe, but okay, a metal bat is good enough.
3. Damn, that stomach injury will make things much harder here.
4. *facepalm* And of course everyone in the Killer Club wouldn’t fight fairly too. You seekers of Truth should definitely take your weapons with you too, ugh…
5. Well, to be honest, I think the real pathetic one is the one who is pathetic and stubborn enough to not see reason and reality right in front of his eyes. *sighs* However, I have no idea which one that I referred to, Isshaku, Dylan, or both. It’s your call to say which one who I referred.
6. Well, I was quite disappointed when you didn’t show the other side (The SoT and Asuka’s group) of the fight, nor other school’s representatives fighting. Oh well, I guess you’re probably showing it in the next chapter.
7. Okay, I know Isshaku is the one behind the Kubos’ death, but raping Mrs. Kubo?! That crossed the line, Tenmyouji Isshaku.
On the last note, I agree. Not splitting this chapter into two is a bad idea, dragging the update schedule. Also, I guess that’s everything for this chapter. Well, Keep Update!
Finally, the moment of truth. I can understand your decision to split this showdown chapter into two though. However, I still disappointed in your choice of music, which is of course, metal songs (I like the Hardest Song on Guitar Hero though). But hey, at least the Yakuza one is a smart and greatchoice, though I didn’t say this Destiny but rather the SW4 one.
1. Well, not bringing your phone might have a pros and cons. While you’re right about the likeliness of it being wrecked during the fight, you have no communication in case anything bad happens, which is likely to be true. Why don’t you use any other form of communication device, a microphone, perhaps?
2. *facepalm* The fight is just begun and Isshaku is using the first cheat, bringing a knife into a fistfight. But I’m glad you managed to disarming him, Dylan. And Isshaku saved his own epee in this place too, great *sarcasm*. I would have said you should carry your axe, but okay, a metal bat is good enough.
3. Damn, that stomach injury will make things much harder here.
4. *facepalm* And of course everyone in the Killer Club wouldn’t fight fairly too. You seekers of Truth should definitely take your weapons with you too, ugh…
5. Well, to be honest, I think the real pathetic one is the one who is pathetic and stubborn enough to not see reason and reality right in front of his eyes. *sighs* However, I have no idea which one that I referred to, Isshaku, Dylan, or both. It’s your call to say which one who I referred.
6. Well, I was quite disappointed when you didn’t show the other side (The SoT and Asuka’s group) of the fight, nor other school’s representatives fighting. Oh well, I guess you’re probably showing it in the next chapter.
7. Okay, I know Isshaku is the one behind the Kubos’ death, but raping Mrs. Kubo?! That crossed the line, Tenmyouji Isshaku.
On the last note, I agree. Not splitting this chapter into two is a bad idea, dragging the update schedule. Also, I guess that’s everything for this chapter. Well, Keep Update!
4/17/2018 c133 afterados
Good: Oh man, what a cool idea for the impetus behind concentration camps in WWII was to remove people with potential! Also cool to see the aftermath of Dylan’s death in the OG timeline, and I really like the Philemon/Dylan scene!
Improvements: How does Mayumi know about what Adachi’s done? Seems like it’s a pretty odd bit of info for her to pick up. And while I like the “Dylan’s death aftermath” scene, is everyone angry at Yu b/c they think he just is emotionless?
Good: Oh man, what a cool idea for the impetus behind concentration camps in WWII was to remove people with potential! Also cool to see the aftermath of Dylan’s death in the OG timeline, and I really like the Philemon/Dylan scene!
Improvements: How does Mayumi know about what Adachi’s done? Seems like it’s a pretty odd bit of info for her to pick up. And while I like the “Dylan’s death aftermath” scene, is everyone angry at Yu b/c they think he just is emotionless?
4/17/2018 c132 afterados
Good: Hey awesome that Dylan kept control of his emotions! Ha, “do you have a problem with fat people?!” “No, just you.” Great line! Also kudos for Dylan trying to get out of the family, and for showing growth again by NOT permanently maiming his enemies! That makes me really happy to see. And for the first time, I totally agree with Dylan’s decision to give govt. authorities info about his family, their dealings go FAR beyond just family matters. Hahaha, what the heck, Stewie?! I'm not sure if it really fits with the story, but what the heck, it's so ridiculous, I think I’m gonna put it in the “good” section!
Improvements: I know that the D’Amico’s are scum, but… is it really necessary to give them every single bad trait out there? And this chapter could’ve been much shorter, there was a lot of dialogue that didn’t advance the plot, just reinforced earlier points. Which is fine, but this chapter was really, really long already (exceptions include Dylan’s scene with Takeru and Steve on the rooftop, since that adds the humorous Yu twisting their ears part and shows more sides of some of those chars personalities/opinions.) Wait! Where did the tranquilizer dart come from?! Also, that fight scene I think went on for just a /little/ too long (not being sarcastic! Actually just a little bit). BUT: I'm super happy that you went into more detail here! I think that’s awesome, definitely better than too little detail in fight scenes! I think i've mentioned this before too, but I don’t think ALL characters should be into nerd culture as much as Dylan. I’d be surprised if Naoto (or kanji) knew a lot about spider man imo. Ok, and about Gregory… dude, he just picked a guy up, threw him in the back, and is having him tortured and killed. Like, in front of a few dozen witnesses. I feel like that would 110% put him in jail.
Good: Hey awesome that Dylan kept control of his emotions! Ha, “do you have a problem with fat people?!” “No, just you.” Great line! Also kudos for Dylan trying to get out of the family, and for showing growth again by NOT permanently maiming his enemies! That makes me really happy to see. And for the first time, I totally agree with Dylan’s decision to give govt. authorities info about his family, their dealings go FAR beyond just family matters. Hahaha, what the heck, Stewie?! I'm not sure if it really fits with the story, but what the heck, it's so ridiculous, I think I’m gonna put it in the “good” section!
Improvements: I know that the D’Amico’s are scum, but… is it really necessary to give them every single bad trait out there? And this chapter could’ve been much shorter, there was a lot of dialogue that didn’t advance the plot, just reinforced earlier points. Which is fine, but this chapter was really, really long already (exceptions include Dylan’s scene with Takeru and Steve on the rooftop, since that adds the humorous Yu twisting their ears part and shows more sides of some of those chars personalities/opinions.) Wait! Where did the tranquilizer dart come from?! Also, that fight scene I think went on for just a /little/ too long (not being sarcastic! Actually just a little bit). BUT: I'm super happy that you went into more detail here! I think that’s awesome, definitely better than too little detail in fight scenes! I think i've mentioned this before too, but I don’t think ALL characters should be into nerd culture as much as Dylan. I’d be surprised if Naoto (or kanji) knew a lot about spider man imo. Ok, and about Gregory… dude, he just picked a guy up, threw him in the back, and is having him tortured and killed. Like, in front of a few dozen witnesses. I feel like that would 110% put him in jail.
4/17/2018 c131 afterados
Good: Yu’s thinking about Dylan and the flashback generally before he went to Inaba was great! Haha also laughed at Nari No Okami groaning at Dylan for making him get used to pop culture references. I'm torn about the Kubo v. Dylan fight here… I like it, but I'm also just confused. Esp. by future Dylan, how’d he get here?
Improvements: Wait, I thought Itomori was going to get canned? And aw man, you’ve known Adachi’s the real murderer for ages! How did Dylan supposedly figure it out here? And why would Adachi just leave and let Yu get away with Dylan?!
Good: Yu’s thinking about Dylan and the flashback generally before he went to Inaba was great! Haha also laughed at Nari No Okami groaning at Dylan for making him get used to pop culture references. I'm torn about the Kubo v. Dylan fight here… I like it, but I'm also just confused. Esp. by future Dylan, how’d he get here?
Improvements: Wait, I thought Itomori was going to get canned? And aw man, you’ve known Adachi’s the real murderer for ages! How did Dylan supposedly figure it out here? And why would Adachi just leave and let Yu get away with Dylan?!
4/17/2018 c130 afterados
Good: Great conversation between Ryo and Kat in the beginning. Haha and awesome line with "It's the truth. You just have to be willing to reach out and accept it." And as always, the Yu/Dylan conversations are awesome to watch, esp. now with the recent char development for them both.
Improvements: Hold up, Itomori suspended Adachi for being a "mole"? How does he know? And if he does think Adachi is related to the murders, then why wouldn't he question him?! And I still find it hard to believe that everyone who learns about the whole Shadows/Mayonaka/etc. thing accepts it so easily (esp. since he already thinks it's unlikely that a mythical entity is causing all the fog that's occurred in Inaba recently… why would he believe one but not the other?). Also, just realized something: do Dylan and Yu think that the killer is someone else in this timeline? Is that why they're still looking for the killer? (Doesn't explain why Dylan doesn't tell anyone that Adachi told him he's the one doing the murders, but still).
...Ok, dude, Yu directly says in this chapter that Adachi is the culprit. Why doesn't he do anything about it?
Good: Great conversation between Ryo and Kat in the beginning. Haha and awesome line with "It's the truth. You just have to be willing to reach out and accept it." And as always, the Yu/Dylan conversations are awesome to watch, esp. now with the recent char development for them both.
Improvements: Hold up, Itomori suspended Adachi for being a "mole"? How does he know? And if he does think Adachi is related to the murders, then why wouldn't he question him?! And I still find it hard to believe that everyone who learns about the whole Shadows/Mayonaka/etc. thing accepts it so easily (esp. since he already thinks it's unlikely that a mythical entity is causing all the fog that's occurred in Inaba recently… why would he believe one but not the other?). Also, just realized something: do Dylan and Yu think that the killer is someone else in this timeline? Is that why they're still looking for the killer? (Doesn't explain why Dylan doesn't tell anyone that Adachi told him he's the one doing the murders, but still).
...Ok, dude, Yu directly says in this chapter that Adachi is the culprit. Why doesn't he do anything about it?
4/17/2018 c129 afterados
Good: Oh, MAN, what a fantastic scene with Yu eating breakfast by himself, the little details were outstanding, and the reference to his previous experience (“just like old times”) was great! Wow, excellent job. And Dylan stepping up to take charge of the team when Yu’s feeling down is SUCH AMAZING CHARACTER GROWTH, that’s not sarcasm, I seriously can't stress how awesome it is to see that! And that continues to the very end with Dylan giving /YU/ a pep talk… dude, that is SO gratifying to see! And your battle with Namatame/Kunino was fantastic, great detail!
Improvements: Ugh, Yu and Dylan (and Naoto) all know who was responsible for the murders… Nanako being kidnapped totally COULD have been prevented if they acted against Adachi and Hiroki. Even if they weren't successful, it’d make more sense given all their future knowledge to just try. (Also applies at the end, when Dylan says something’s off about Adachi… doesn’t he KNOW Adachi did it?). I, uh, also don’t get Rise’s reaction? I know she’s under stress, but I don’t think anything Steve said could be interpreted as sarcastic? (But then again, this is a super stressful time, so maybe she just misunderstood.) Last note, some of the parts during the battle scene (which, again, was awesome!) I think could've been explained a bit more, like Yu “somehow transcending the limits of his power.” It’s awesome when he does that, but why/how can he do it?
Good: Oh, MAN, what a fantastic scene with Yu eating breakfast by himself, the little details were outstanding, and the reference to his previous experience (“just like old times”) was great! Wow, excellent job. And Dylan stepping up to take charge of the team when Yu’s feeling down is SUCH AMAZING CHARACTER GROWTH, that’s not sarcasm, I seriously can't stress how awesome it is to see that! And that continues to the very end with Dylan giving /YU/ a pep talk… dude, that is SO gratifying to see! And your battle with Namatame/Kunino was fantastic, great detail!
Improvements: Ugh, Yu and Dylan (and Naoto) all know who was responsible for the murders… Nanako being kidnapped totally COULD have been prevented if they acted against Adachi and Hiroki. Even if they weren't successful, it’d make more sense given all their future knowledge to just try. (Also applies at the end, when Dylan says something’s off about Adachi… doesn’t he KNOW Adachi did it?). I, uh, also don’t get Rise’s reaction? I know she’s under stress, but I don’t think anything Steve said could be interpreted as sarcastic? (But then again, this is a super stressful time, so maybe she just misunderstood.) Last note, some of the parts during the battle scene (which, again, was awesome!) I think could've been explained a bit more, like Yu “somehow transcending the limits of his power.” It’s awesome when he does that, but why/how can he do it?
4/17/2018 c128 afterados
Good: I love the Dojima “thinking things out” part at the beginning, that was great. Also I liked Yukiko and Dylan talking things out as usual!
Improvements: I think a bit more description of what's going on would be good here. I know most people reading this know what happens in the game, but I didn’t know it was Nanako on the midnight channel until someone mentioned it /later/, and it was startling to drop us in on “Dojima was shot” /after/ all the action happened. So, for anyone like me who doesn't know the game, I think adding in enough detail to keep us informed would be helpful. Also… what exactly had Yu done to prevent Nanako from being kidnapped? Didn’t seem like he did anything… And I know he’s very distressed, but having Yu contemplate suicide all of a sudden seemed a bit out of character to me (although! That aside, I liked how you described that moment!).
Good: I love the Dojima “thinking things out” part at the beginning, that was great. Also I liked Yukiko and Dylan talking things out as usual!
Improvements: I think a bit more description of what's going on would be good here. I know most people reading this know what happens in the game, but I didn’t know it was Nanako on the midnight channel until someone mentioned it /later/, and it was startling to drop us in on “Dojima was shot” /after/ all the action happened. So, for anyone like me who doesn't know the game, I think adding in enough detail to keep us informed would be helpful. Also… what exactly had Yu done to prevent Nanako from being kidnapped? Didn’t seem like he did anything… And I know he’s very distressed, but having Yu contemplate suicide all of a sudden seemed a bit out of character to me (although! That aside, I liked how you described that moment!).