Just In
for The Prince and the Raven

7/1/2014 c1 22SoSaysL
In my opinion, the information does indeed flow smoothly into the story - its inclusion does not feel forced. It was also wise to not begin with a lengthy scene-setting paragraph or two and jump right into dialogue, which immediately invests us in the story and its characters. I think this is an incredibly creative premise, borrowed as a few elements might be.

One of the qualities that I would think liken this to a fairytale is the blur between reality and fantastic - or rather, the treatment of the unnatural as normal. Additionally, the formal, nuanced nature of the dialogue goes a long way towards immersing the reader in the atmosphere of a fairytale kingdom. The quality of the writing is undeniable - there are several beautiful turns of phrase here and there that contribute to the feeling that this is a fairytale retold.

The light/dark dichotomy is something I would like to see further explored. We see that the king and queen believe that the prince, cursed to protect weak things, would suffer from the powers of darkness. We do not have any examples of destruction/despair due to the darkness, so the king and queen's decision to banish the shadows is somewhat abrupt to me. Questions for thought, not necessarily to be answered - If the darkness breeds negative emotions - then are the ravens its main way of growth (the 'darkness vector,' so to speak), and what is existence without 'darkness' like? Does protecting weak things automatically ally the prince with the light, and if so, does complete 'goodness' mean that the presence of darkness is all the more devastating?
6/30/2014 c2 9caffeinebeast
I love Lohengrin already. I'm very interested in reading the rest of this. WRITE ON!
6/30/2014 c1 caffeinebeast
OOOOH That was eerie and creepy and foretelling and just like wow. (I'll be honest I hated the manga and did not read much of it, so the references to that went right over my head) But The Pendant Heart references were very nice, and I'm sure they'll be very useful to your story. AND THANK GOD it's awesome that you made sure the grammar is correct. it makes it so much more enjoyable.
6/30/2014 c1 Anele Avonibur
What a lovely fairy tale! Hans Christian Andersen move over!
6/3/2014 c1 15Ranoko
Wow; this is awesome! Banishing all darkness from the kingdom... even from their own hearts. Well.
No wonder Siegfried/Mytho couldn't ever lose his love of all things. Not only was it foreseen, but when you grow with no hard feelings in any direction, love and trust is all you can imagine! Very nicely done.
I like seeing into his parents' minds, their decision and fighting with it. It comes across very well. And also love that they don't have time to regret their decision! Once you get rid of all doubts, even if they should be there, well... they're not. XD' Decision in heat-of-the-moment thereby prevents changing your mind later! Intriguing.

I also rather like the footnotes! I don't know the source material for all of it, as I've yet to read This Pendent Heart (fixing that soon) or the mangas, but doing your research always pays off! (Obviously.)
Very nice first chapter! I look forward to more.
5/29/2014 c1 James Birdsong
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