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7/8/2017 c10 Guest
Love the story can't wait to read more
6/1/2017 c10 1The Vitruvian Woman
(**)
6/3/2015 c10 13mrs-brightside00
It's been ages since I last reviewed! And you wrote a wonderful chapter, Mary and George are lovely, keep going, you did great!
Regards :)
4/19/2015 c1 93Luna Rapunzel
Hi there! I'm reviewing you on behalf of the RLt, where this fic was recommended in the community rec thread. I definitely think that your strong point in this chapter is in the action - you did a really nice job, I thought, of jumping right in and starting on plot progression, so it was nice to see you establish early on what some of your driving conflicts (at least at the beginning of the fic) are going to be and how the interpersonal relationships are going to affect the dynamic of the plot and that sort of thing. I'm especially curious to see where the unconventional alliance between Mary and Joan is going to go, and you did a great job of establishing Mary's motivations behind her words and actions in the fight with her family.

That said, I do think that you could work more on characterization when you're establishing all these things, since the characters especially in your first scene felt somewhat one-dimensional and could have benefitted from some complexity and buildup. The argument, with all the ultimatums and cutting insults, felt like it escalated relatively quickly, and a lot of your introductions of the characters felt shallow - you set up Henry's "verge of pure anger," Anne's "smiling and peppy" demeanor, Mary's fury at the "wicked display," the way Henry's "darling Anne" instantly "lift[s] the cloud of darkness," etc. without much description or elaboration to make the characters and their various standpoints or emotions more realistically complex. (One additional nitpick: I noticed that you would capitalize verbs following up dialogue lines when they actually should be lowercase, like here where 'cried' should be lowercase - ' "Good grief, Mary, you are as stubborn as your mother!" cried Henry VIII.') There's a lot of potential in all the dramatic action and plot movement you've pulled off here for interesting and subtle portrayals of everyone's motivations and personalities - take advantage of that!

Keep it up! :)
4/18/2015 c1 laidleyworm
If you post on forums asking for real reviews on your work, you have to be prepared to get them.

I suppose this is an interesting premise; not a fandom I have ever read but I can’t see any reason why you need fandom familiarity in this case. Unfortunately I think you are trying to do something you do not yet have the writing skills for. If you keep practicing you might get there one day, but for now, you simply do not.

To start with, the first chapter is the one that should draw your readers in. it is the one that arguably merits the most attention to detail. So here we go.

1st line; vemenously? Spelling mistakes right at the beginning are very offputting and the wording seems a little ‘off’ already, but we will proceed.
2nd line; ‘Princess Mary Tudor’, clumsy and ‘telly’ but let’s carry on regardless.
3rd line; you need a space between ‘mother’ and ‘cried’ and cried should not be capitalized. Then we get ‘Henry VII’. That is even more clumsy and telly. It’s getting harder to read on.
Line 6; ‘she verily shook her head’. Verily? This is becoming laughable. (Worry not, I’ll be giving up soon.)
Line 11; Asked the King lightly. Asked should not be capitalized, and that is a fairly ridiculous adverb here.
Line 12; what can I say, sorry, but it reads like a ten year old trying to ape some sort of archaic language. It really does not work.
Line 14; nausea is spelt wrong.
No more. I do require a certain level of literary competence to read anything and you need to do a lot of work. Come back in a year or so and try again.

Glancing through later chapters, you seem to have some difficulty with your tenses, skipping between past and present.

In addition, I’m bemused by the reviewer who seems to think this is historically accurate. Joan of Arc died nearly a hundred years before Mary Tudor was born.
4/12/2015 c10 15agayprince
Haha I loved when Mary talked to her mom and chapuys omg that was great. And when she asked about consummation? I burst out laughing.
Then, with George awe that was so sweet. So cute.
Chapuys kissed her! Oh dang haha! Go chapuys! *wolf whistle*
Well dang that nasty Cromwell and that king agreeing to do what they're going do my gosh, no!
Well dang, drama is bound to happen with the way Anne is behaving dang.
I'm glad Mary and George made it to the castle I like Bertha . I love the casual and homie atmosphere in the castle and with the servants. :) . It seems like things are going to go good for them there.

Can't wait to see what happens. Can't wait for more!
4/12/2015 c1 0973004000200010806
I think a story that is historically accurate is always a plus. I too am fascinated with Henry VII and Henry VIII as well as the Tudors. An authors creativity is the only limitations in literature. Mary Tudor and Joan of Arc is for sure interesting women looking forward to see how you make Mary and Joan meet since I assume they will.

Your language is strong and enjoyed reading the dialogues especially.
4/11/2015 c2 6Frida VI
"Below the bar?" Are you kidding? This is an absolutely fantastic writing! I hardly find a good piece of work that I can actually focus to read like this one. Normally, I will just skim through the text because a lot of fanfics are crabs. I like your writing style really much, seriously. It fits harmoniously with the historical context of the story.
4/11/2015 c1 Frida VI
I just found your story from the Writers Anonymous forum. Normally I don't read crossover, but I think Joan of Arc fits perfectly in this fanfic. I like your writing style so I will keep reading.
4/7/2015 c1 97Dan Sickles
Great first chapter! Your writing style is so light and breezy yet sad in all the right places!
4/3/2015 c11 17Nona Decima Morta
good chapter :) i'm looking forward to reading what happens next :D
3/31/2015 c10 QOP
oh, such a pity :'( :'( :'(
3/21/2015 c9 14xtheGoldenEaglex
Hey! Sorry it took me so long to check out this fanfiction! I love Mary Tudor... she has to be one of my favourite characters on the Tudors, and I've always had an interest in Joan of Arc. They're both portrayed so excellently in this fanfiction. Your writing is superb, too. All of the characters are written realistically as well. Chapuys and Catherine... perfect! And Henry being a good dad? Somebody call the police! Oh, wait... police didn't exist back then, did they? Love the fanfiction and I can't wait until you update next!
1/27/2015 c9 Julia's.Fantasy
This is a great story, and so original. I like how you added your own twist to it, but kept the plot. I also like how it isn't written so professional, like a lot of the Tudor fan fictions are. They write them to where it doesn't sound so interesting, but yours is amazing. Please, keep up the good work.
12/27/2014 c8 4Born-to-boogie
great more soon please! :D
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