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1/30/2019 c85 regfurby
Not sure if it's ever been mentioned before, but the King being a dog is probably a play on the Chinese insult Gou Huangdi ('狗皇帝', lit. Dog Emperor), commonly used in Wuxia novels to indicate the speaker's contempt for a ruling Emperor.

Wasn't the memory of Majin Bu wiped from the minds of all the Earthlings? Why then do they compare Beerus to Majin Bu?

What's the final result of that year's Tenkaichi Budokai? Was it declared as having no winner?
1/22/2019 c3 Clonetrooper76
-Yeah, never got people who post stories to this place and then get prissy when people take the time to review them. I mean if you only want mindless, one sentence, bland approval why publically post it? I mean its not like this is some gem of a story, incapable of having flaw. Suffering from characterization issues, plot holes and inconsistency most notably within itself. Blocking me isn't going to change that. It just makes you look like a fragile little girl who couldn't even be bothered to *ask* me to stop. Or actually point out where I was wrong in my critique.

-Just to complete my three chapter reviews:

-Round Three. Fight!

- No, Girl called Erasa in this story, he did not do a good job blending in. Leaving aside the fact that you figured it out virtually the instant he showed up for class the only reason his secret identity is as secure as it is because everyone seems to be flipping morons in 3B.

-Okay, I haven't dwelt on this much but how in blazes does Erasa laugh possess any silver quality? What does that even mean in context?

-Forget why he's nervous? So her laugh inflict damage and impairs his higher cognitive functions? What is she some kind of hellish siren? Which would actually make a lot of sense but I don't think this story's that clever.

-Seriously, Gohan. Your nervous because you've fucked and blown your secret identity on the first day back in Orange City. Or possibly not. The timeline appears to be a disjointed mess.

-And while we're on the subject of the timeline we're three chapters in. Are we ever going to get a decent explanation why Gohan was in Orange City in the first place back in the Cell-arc?

-Really? How does she have a "presence" that puts her on his level? Because all she's done so far is be a passive-aggressive stalker. And all Gohan's previous interactions with her seems to be her putting him at ease. Reference the "infectious" laughter a little higher up. These aren't the reactions Bulma or ChiChi would induce in Vegeta or Goku.

-Again with the scent. Where's the evidence that this applies to all Saiyans let alone to Gohan? Who isn't even a purestrain.

-Not to mention just how dense is Gohan? He can't figure out he met this woman before? Despite going on and on about how her name is familiar, how her scent is familiar. Gohan...you've met maybe a dozen people in your life who didn't try and kill you. Only one of which lived in Orange City. Let alone was a blonde girl. Goku could figure this one out!

-Okay...one. Videl wouldn't be a "weak" signature. She should in fact be the strongest signature barring Gohan himself. She's stronger than her father who is an immensely strong human fighter. And Two he notices Videl "stalking" but turns a blind eye to the creepy blonde chick who follows him and interjects herself into his life? I think you've taken too many blows to the head Gohan.

-You know this story would be a lot more fun to read if I didn't have to stop and correct it every three sentences for canon violation, inconsistency or girl called Erasa in the story being a creepy, creepy stalker.

-And its Flying Nimbus. What is so hard about using that? I mean christ the fact you had to put an author note explaining what the fuck a "Kinto'un" kind of shows you don't think its commonly used.

-A light scolding? I think ChiCHi is as OOC as everyone else in this fic.

-The girl called Erasa in this story is " not great" Gohan. She's a creepy stalker with no concept of personal space. I think you just have Stockholm syndrome.

-Okay. That's the ChiChi I remember. Phew. Something actually almost canon. I-I need that. I really did.

-You should be worried, ChiChi. The girl called Erasa in this story has "spoken" with Gohan three times in seven years. yet she asked creepily possessive, following him, forcing herself into his life. Girl needs an intervention.

-Well its not like he hasn't been dead before. He easily could have come back had he wished it. He just chose not too. Basically deciding to abandon you, ChiChi and his unborn child to play in the afterlife. And while tragic, its understandable ChiChi would cling to the fiction he would return then accept that bleakness.

-Yeah...Goku sacrificed his life to save them. Just like he did against Radtiz. I don't see why you act like his sacrifice has any bearing on him deciding not to come back. Death is a meaningless concept in dragonball. It is, almost literally, another dimension like the dub called it rather than some permanent severed state. So why Gohan is acting like death is anything but a mild inconvenience is beyond me.

-Yeah...ChiChi, I don't think Goku's the guy to set Gohan straight. Guy was good at one thing. Fighting. Anything else was outside of his wheelhouse.

-It took you a chapter and a half to remember one of the handful of people you've met in your life Gohan? Maybe you really are your father's son. I guess Yamcha's off the hook. Don't you just love protagonists who realize things long, long after the audience has figured it out? No? Me neither.

- "was was woken"? What does "was was" mean? Is "was" a name now? Did he wake up instead of Gohan? Why does this story not make sense?

-No, go back to sleep Gohan. "Was" was supposed to be woken up. Can't you read?

-Ah the Girl called Erasa in this story. The girl you should never have actual met. Since there was no reason for you to go Orange City, no reason to go to that fast food joint at just that time and no real reason for her to single you out and help you. Not to mention even someone as clueless as you should be creeped out by the "interest" she's taken in you. I mean seriously you'd think they've been fast friends for years the why she acts around him. Instead of a total stranger.

-How could he be up early? He woke up when to his alarm. Did he set it go off earlier than usual? If so, why? Does anything happen in this story follow a logical progression?

-Flying Nimbus. Its called Flying Nimbus.

-Damn it, Girl called Erasa in this story again? Fuck, why don't you stay the hell away? Just stay away from her Gohan. I swear you're going to end up chained in a pit while she recites "it gets the hose" over and over again.

-Personal space! You've had four conversations. Four! You are not friends yet. He literally didn't even remember he met you seven years ago until last night. Videl has been behaving better. So back off!

-And yet, Girl called Erasa in this story, you apparently didn't forget him. And built an entire, stalkerish devotion to him. Despite the fact you would have had far more encounters with individuals than Gohan and thus should have been far more likely to forget. I mean hell Videl apparently doesn't even remember him. Since she apparently has figured out he used to be blonde.

-How did she know? She's a manic pixie dream girl. Of course she'd inexplicably know exactly what you were going to say before you say. In a very real way your just a meat puppet for her just as she is a puppet for the author to leave out some fantasies.

-Again, Videl kind of has a point if misplaced agression. Again girl called Erasa in this story basically treats her "best friend" as trash.

And strictly speaking it "happened' seven years ago apparently. I know that makes no sense and is creepy as hell but that's apparently "what happened".

-Finally, a dim light bulb glows huh Videl? This is only the boy girl called Erasa in this story has been creepily obsessed over, even apparently naming her teddy bear after him, and you don't remember? He saved your "best Friend"'s life too. I doubt she kept that quiet. Yet it took this long to remember?

-As an aside what is your problem with Videl. "ever diligent in investigations of things that did not concern her"? What even is that? Besides, the "Golden Warrior" does concern her. Even if one does not agree with her reasoning. And this memory she's trying to retrieve is directly linked to her investigation.

-What made him remember you? Plot contrivance. Nothing more. Everything so far has run on that.

-Finally! Videl figures it out. Course she only did it because she overhead Gohan and girl called Erasa in this story. So basically she only figured it out because Gohan apparently couldn't keep his identity secret if his life depended on it.

-Again providing answers for Gohan huh, Girl called Erasa in this story? Again your not friends. You've barely spoken to each other. And can hardly say to know what he wants. Maybe he wants to let Videl in on his "secret". It would save time. She could hardly be any more flippant cavalier about it then you have been.

-And if you buy that story Videl, your dumber than I give you credit for. This kid was seen at the same place Golden Warrior was. He's wearing the exact same clothes. And he's (was) blonde. You don't need to be Sherlock to solve this mystery. Shaggy could do it.

-Do I detect a hint of racial superiority, Gohan? A "Human girl"? May I remind you that your father sent a pre-teen boy to fight Cell. After he gave him a fucking senzu bean. If that's okay I don't see why a full grown woman can't decide to fight street crime. So you can't really say its an age issue. So what? Because she's human? Its not like being human is a particularly limiting factor. Most of your dad's old friends are human and, while surpassed and forgotten, they all are superhuman in terms of strength and power.

-Okay, Gohan is really starting to sound like an obnoxious jerk. I think the Girl called Erasa in this story is rubbing off on him.

-He's so "concerned" yet let the blonde pixie talk him out of it. The fuck? Who is this guy? What happened to Gohan? You know, the kind-hearted guy who'd go out of his way to help someone? Or has he been replaced with another OC-stand in like the Girl called Erasa in this story?

-"everything she knows about you" Which, as it turns out, is nothing. Old film footage. Very strongly buidling my case that this entire thing is a creepy, loving a shadow fantasy.

-Damn it Gohan, you should have gone with Videl. She's a lot less of a possessive bitch.

-While at first blush Girl called Erasa in this story riding the Flying Nimbus sounds like a continuty error. Bearing in my Bulma couldn't despite being, largely, a good person, being pure of heart is not the same as being good. Goku isn't "good". He's a fight drunk wild man who wants to fight "strong guys" and will damn an entire universe if need be. But he is "pure" in that he doesn't understand the implications of his actions. He's "pure" int eh sense a shark is. It just wants to survive with no malice or ill-will directed towards its victims.

-No, blonde pixie, the cloud's name is Flying Nimbus. I will keep repeating that until you correct it! XD

-"Kittenish"? Is she turning into a cat? And again, personal fucking space! Why is this so difficult Girl called Erasa in this story?

-Christ. Do you have to include him speaking to the Flying Nimbus every single time? There are far more pressing matters that level of detail could go to. Like writing a decent fight scene for instance.

-Again I don't think Gohan has ever demonstrated a particularly strong sense of smell. So its weird that suddenly he's a literal bloodhound.

-I'd stay away from her room, Gohan. Normally I'd be all for it but seriously. You don't want to stick your dick in crazy and this girl is full of it.

-So her room hasn't changed much since she was younger. I guess her mental and emotional development was stunted. That would explain her rather obsessive behavior. As well as her inability to respect personal space.

-Of course she used to art. Every Manic pixie dream girl is into expressing their creativity. And they are always oddly good at it even if they don't see it themselves. Which is just an empty ploy to have their emotions validated by the boy/love interest.

-She named the bear after a boy she met one time. Chick's a crazy cat lady. I mean everything about her just is like she's never had a real human interaction in her life.

-"Gesture of good will". I suppose that's a charitable way to phrase it. Bone-headed idiocy would be mine. You know its hard to be a worse father than Vegeta. Guy up and allowed his only son and wife/mate be nearly vaporized by a mad android. But you know what, Vegeta never gave Cell a Senzu bean. And when Cell "killed' his son? He went all out trying to kill the bastard.

-So reasonably good quality video footage is widely and commercially available. So why haven't more people made the connection between the Golden Fighter playing hero, the Cell Games and, ultimately, with the random transfer student who looks eerily similar? Shouldn't that have been Videl's first thing she tried to do? Gah! Why does nothing in this story make sense?

-Yes, you blonde pixie, Gohan has to be the fucking worst as keeping a secret identity. And has only managed not to reveal his identity to everyone because everyone else as tapioca for brains.

-I think this is supposed to be romantic but all I feel is frustrated and confused. I have an utterly unlikeable female protagonist who is literally loving a shadow and may have a mental disorder. And we have Gohan being even more of a brick clod than he usually is and with all the personality and likability of a wood post. Coupled with a "relationship" which reminds me very much of Sam Mason's and Danny Phantom in that its so busy lampshading that their going to be a couple it never feels like they develop one.
1/19/2019 c2 3Commodore Krevin
-So here we are at chapter too. And we immeditily skip over the actual Cell Games and go straight to the Buu-saga. So...was there really a point to Gohan and Erasa meeting seven years ago as opposed to having that scene play out when Gohan is a teenager? Which would actually solve a lot of problems with that chapter. From why Gohan is at Orange City to why Erasa is acting more like a teenager with a crush than a pre-teen girl. Or at least what a thirty-something guy thinks a teenage girl acts like.

-Secondary Schooling? I'm guessing your not American? Because I've only heard that in relation with British people. To my ears it sounds like Gohan is going to second grade. Which is typically for 7 year olds.

-I still want to know why Gohan went to Orange City in the first place. Is that ever going to be addressed?

-Okay that seems a kind of awkward way to introduce Goten. And again the writing style seems very sparse. I mean what does Goten "look" like? You say he resembles Goku but if I've never seen the show I would have no idea what your talking about. Gohan is getting up and going to school but you don't really describe the home or what he's actually doing. Its just all this very vague emptiness. Not to mention actually being shown Gohan's nervous might have been nice instead of having this info dumped on me.

-Again. Show don't tell. If you can't convey that Goten is sad to see his brother leave without just saying so don't put that in your story.

-While we're on the subject, maybe Goten should maybe go to a real school? Just throwing that idea out there since he's "clearly" so upset about Gohan going. That would allow him to share in Gohan's experience and maybe make some friends. Normally I'd say it was out of the question with ChiChi but if she'll send her son out into Orange City alone without a second thought I don't see why Goten shouldn't be able to go.

-Its called the Flying Nimbus. If I wanted it called "Kinto'un" I'd watch the Japanese dub. Which I don't because I don't speak Japanese. This really isn't that difficult. Your starting to sound like some damn weebo.

-What does Gohan mean "Still" believes? That's literally the official story. And canonically speaking Goku likely wouldn't care. He wants to fight strong guys. Glory and recognition are beyond him. Even fighting and winning in the martial arts tournaments was more about proving to himself he could than anything.

-Gohan City? Dude its because of you Cell nearly blew up the Earth and your father died. And if it wasn't for Vegeta you'd likely have lost to Super-PerfectCell. Your one and only victory of consequence in all of Z. So let's not get a swelled head, okay? I mean honestly, as an aside, I don't understand how Gohan gets this rep as a badass. Guy has a worst win to loss ratio than Vegeta. And that's guy entire thing was to get his ass kicked just to prove how tough the bad guy is.

-Uh, Gohan should be pretty rusty at this point since Gohan doesn't train unless the world is literally on the line. So this shouldn't be nearly as easy as when he was a kid. IIRC he's canonically weaker than he was back then.

-Again. This could have been an ok little fight scene which establishes Gohan's heroic bonafides but instead its just a "sentence".That's not a fight scene. That's a lousy summary of events. Which brings me back that this story really feels like I'm reading some kid's book report rather than an actual story.

-I mean who are these bank robbers? What do they look like? What's going on inside? Are their people panicking, on the ground dying of blood loss? What? Their response to a blinding blur of light kicking and slamming people into walls? Anything?

-Wait? I thought Gohan hasn't been to this city in "years"? How could have have been regularly coming back to fight crime and been there "last month"? And if he has been doing this shouldn't he have adopted his Great Saiyaman persona by now?

- Well I guess a paragraph is better than a single sentence. I still have no idea what this bank robber looks like, their surroundings and the action is barebones at best but I suppose it's progress.

Here let me give you an example of how this should be done:

"You little shit, who the hell are you?!" The remaining bank robber stammered.

Swiveling his long, black automatic cradled against his chest toward's Gohan. Gun kicking in his grip as it fired. Shell casings spiraling outward from the blazing weapon. His triumphant cry cut shot as with a clattering of flattening lead Gohan's hand flashed moving in front of him snatching each of the bullets form the air before they hit. Only to open his palm allowing the deformed projectiles to fall to the floor in front of the stupefied crook. His smoking gun now empty. Barely catching the blurred glimpse of motion as Gohan flashed to beside of him, the toe of the teen's foot already launching off the air in a swirling kick which snapped the bank robber's head comically to the side before sending him into the wall. Chirping birds appearing around his head as he slide off of it.

-See that's an action scene. Not a very good one, admittedly. I wrote that off the cuff. But its an action scene.

-Do you have a thing against Videl? Every time she appears there seems to be this negative connotation.

-Again I'm not sure a Saiyan's sense of smell would be that finely tuned.

-Still seems odd Gohan isn't reacting to Videl's aggression. If anything turns a Saiyan on it's a woman angrily yelling at them.

-Again...hasn't it been years since Gohan has been to this City? Is that still a thing? Did a large portion of time pass from him arriving at Orange City and now? Does time move differently in different parts of the city?

-You know you don't look that different in Super Saiyan mode. Your hair's blonde and more spiky and you have blue eyes. It wouldn't be that difficult to compare a photo of the Golden Warrior and figure out it's Gohan. Again I think he really should have gone with the Great Saiyman, that would have attempted to hide his identity which supposedly he wants to do. But much like how he hasn't been to the city in years and has been there as recently as last month "logic" may not apply to this fic.

-This is Gohan's first day of class, yes? Did he start mid-semester? If so, why? And if not, I don't see how you could have homework that they "should have done". Is there like a chart for the time line? Because I'm starting to feel I need to contact Future Trunks and Chronoa to try and patch Time back together.

-You know I didn't mention much of it then but if Gohan was "relaxing" why was he in Super Saiyan mode back in chapter 1. I mean other than to pointlessly and needlessly have girl called Erasa in this fic link him with the "golden warrior" who shouldn't be a thing according to the story's own timeline.

-Wait...Videl saw Gohan before when they were kids. If the girl called Erasa in this story can put two and two together, Videl should be just as able. Especially since she has a reason to want to find out the identity of the Golden Warrior and the girl called Erasa is just a manic pixie dream girl.

-Okay, again with that scent thing. Kind of weird. Especially since, again, as far as I know, that hasn't been a thing since Goku was a kid. And which may not have been a "Saiyan" trait. Kid was raised in the wilderness. That no doubt sharpened his senses.

-Again. The girl called Erasa has been nothing but passive to him. Every instinct he posses should be telling him that she's weak and undesirable. She shouldn't register as a female to him.

-Why, oh why, does Erasa not believe Hercule Satan defeated Cell? Because a random boy saved her seven years ago? One who she thinks might have been the same "Golden Warrior" who fought Cell, but who as far as the world knows didn't defeat him.

And not to mention that's kind of low considering who her best friend is. I mean again I want to stress the girl called Erasa in this story is a braying jackass who has done nothing but treat Videl like dirt.

-Oh come on. Even Superman would tell Gohan he isn't fooling anyone. If you can't connect these bedcrumbs class 3B's really is a bunch of idiots and failures.

-Since you profess no knowledge of the game of baseball, and judging by your earlier comments aren't American, I'm just going to skip the baseball section. Its not like I'm going to miss anything important since, as established, previous statements or events don't seem to have any casual relationship to latter ones.

-Okay, girl called Erasa in this story is seriously getting stalkerish. For starters, Gohan should be able to speak for himself. He isn't a small child. Second how the fuck does Erasa know he still lives in that district. Its been seven-fucking-years. For all she knows he's moved since then. Third why is she butting into his life? Again personal space, girl called Erasa in this story, do you remember our conversation on it? Maybe Gohan would like to give his own reasons for not joining a club. He certainly doesn't need you, a random girl he's had one conversation with in the past seven years, just jumping in with some bullshit excuse. You've met a grand total of twice and both times you've acted really creepy and possessive. As if you're so confident your going to be a couple we can just skip the actual forming of a friendship.

-Could you be a little less of a beta wimp, Gohan? Girl called Erasa in this story is creepy. Don't encourage her. If you want to date the real Erasa, by all means go ahead. She's a fun, adorable girl. But this manic pixie dream girl has stalker written over her in big, black letters.
1/19/2019 c1 Commodore Krevin
Ages ago I was invited to read this story which I'm finally getting around too. Which, glancing at the story, really seems to be a mistake on the part of the author. At first blush this appears to yet another entry in the "Gohan becomes badass and gets back the spotlight wrongfully stolen from him". A genre, if you'll forgive a brief aside, I always found mock worthy. Gohan was handed the mantle of hero on a silver platter. Had his father die in what had to be the most labored and paint by numbers passing of the torch. Had the aforementioned death to drill home the stakes. Was handed unfathomable, beyond world-breaking power. Twice. And he even hooked up with a hot-tempered daughter of a martial artist. And it had no effect. Guy gave it up twice. Quietly simply it isn't in him to be the hero. And realistically no matter who he hooks up with or how bad Cell twists his nose as a child is going to change what that, at the fundamental core of his character, Gohan is a non-action who'd rather be studying than shattering boulders with his fist. Especially hooking up with a blonde cutie who likely wouldn't even have a power level of 5 but I digress.

Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised. Maybe the story doesn't force Gohan to take center stage or steal the spotlight from Goku and Vegeta.

-Okay why is Gohan visiting Orange Star City. One he supposed to be resting/preparing for the upcoming Cell Games. Seems like a poor time to go on an excursion let alone to Orange Star City which, beyond a name inspired by the magical orbs, has absolutely no connection or significance to Gohan or the Son family. I mean if Gohan really wanted to see life in the big city before you know dying to Cell wouldn't West City make more sense? He at least has a connection to that city via Bulma and the Brief family.

Honestly through I'd think Gohan would want to spend his off-time with his friends. Which, due to the frighteningly isolated life he's lived, would be the rest of the Z-fighters. An Oolong. He and Gohan were pretty good friends, at least in the movies. Granted they weren't canon but neither is this.

-Expanding off of that, why does it appear Gohan is by himself? ChiChi would never relent to him being alone in a strange city full of strange people without at least Goku there. And likely would demand to go with him herself to make sure his innocent mind isn't corrupted. So did Gohan run off? That's not completely out of Gohan's character but Its something I would expect to at least be mentioned.

-Heh. He'll always be Hercule Satan to me. Grand Champion! Never did get the whole devil references with him and Videl.

-Isn't that a little bit of heavy forshadowing? I mean you've already established Gohan, for no reason, is just wandering around Orange City. And now Erasa, whom this chronicle is named after, is just so happened separated from Videl. Gee I hope nothing happens which causes Gohan to just, by sheer random chance, save Erasa causing him and her to form a completely arbitrary connection which will ripple affect the timeline down the road.

-Eh, if you really wanted Erasa to run into Gohan during the Cell-arc, wouldn't it make more sense for Videl, who wants to convince her that all of Cell's powers are just a bag of tricks and is probally more aware of the martial arts world than the average layman, go to the trouble of trying to track down guys like Goku and Tien who famously did those "fake tricks" back in the day in order to prove to Erasa they have nothing to fear. That seems more natural. Videl is a skeptic after all and is headstrong enough to go to such extremes. I mean she did have the balls to blackmail a freaking superhero.

-Yeah. Pretty sure we call it the Hyperbolic Time Chamber in the dub. Just like Bardock's a scientist and Freeza is an Arcosian. That's how I like my Dragonball Z.

-Actually, other than Goku, have any Saiyan demonstrated a particularly strong sense of smell? Off the top of my head I can't think of any. Hell even with Goku you'd have to go back to DB back when he wasn't an alien but "just" a monkey boy.

-He has no money. Okay, why? You are not seriously saying Gohan of all people, let alone ChiChi, just forgot. I'm surprised ChiChi didn't give him a field field pack like she did when he would go camping in the movies. I mean honestly this feels more like a gag that would happen to Goku, who wouldn't understand the concept of money, rather Gohan.

-And this furthers my point that Gohan should not be by himself. He's still a kid despite his intellect. You would think ChiChi have tagged along if only to make sure Gohan could get something to eat.

-Leaving aside the odds that Erasa just happened to show up at the exact right fast food restaurant at the exact right time doesn't she jump to his defense rather quickly. It would be different if she saw Gohan couldn't pay and then decided to order for him when it was her turn. Giving her time to think and mull it over. Here it just comes across as a deux machina to force them to meet.

-Okay this blonde girl is sounding less like Erasa and more like a generic manic pixie dream girl. Really she just decided to help him because he had that country bumpkin look on his face?

-The whole lack of family names is also something I never understood. Granted DB Earth seems to have a lower over all population than RL Earth what with a grand total of only four major cities and an indeterminate number of smaller villages. Still if anything you'd expect the idea of even impromptu last names, such as your profession, would be something that would exist in cities simply due to the high concentration of population. Granted this is a diatribe on a canon issue one which, as my previous usage of hte Brief family names shows, I completely disregard because I find it harder to believe in than monkey boys shooting beams of energy from their hands.

-Okay...this is a fast food joint on par with McDonalds or Burger king, yes? Did I miss Erasa shooting off flares or is this place just populated by the most asshole of employees? I don't see how talking with her friend, no matter how excited she may have gotten, would warrent such a quick and forceful reprimand.

-Uhhh...are you saying Gohan has never eaten food with his hands before? ChiChi has never made a sandwich for him? I guess its possible but it just seems odd. Not to mention as hungry as he should be I don't think he'd bother to wait. Sayians have jabba the hut table manners.

-Okay...Erasa, or at least the girl currently going by that name in this story, is kind of acting like this is a date or something. That's a little creepy. And you would think Gohan would react to that even if he doesn't properly understand the full context.

-Yeah. I'm still not sure why Gohan wanted to go to this city. He apparently had nothing wanted he wanted to see and he's so sheltered he shouldn't even realize he's missing out on anything. Going to the city should be like going to Kame house. Just another place.

-Pretty sure it was Shenron in the dub which is again the only thing I care about.

-Not to mention Shenron sounds a lot better and majestic than "Dragon God". At least me, a lot of the magic and exoticness of DB is ruined when you find out Toriyama basically named his Dragon...Dragon. It would be like calling Shenron "Draco" in a Western story.

-So...do they know the connection between Shenron and the dragonballs? That Shenron is a magical wish granting dragon summoned via that orange orb and its six brothers? I mean Shenron just grants wishes. He certainly would have the power to save a village but he wouldn't have to physcially appear there. So there would be no connection to him and whatever deed he did save if the one who summoned him came back and told people. But it appears he had a dragon ball in his shrine, for some time apparently, which if someone had gathered the dragonballs there shouldn't be. The entire point of the dragon balls is that they scatter after Shenron is summoned. So even assuming someone summoned Shenron over the village that would become Orange City, I don't see how their could be a shrine with a dragonball inside of it or how anyone could link Shenron to it without also connecting it to the wish-granting.

Not to belabor a point but Master Roshi's "legend" on how the dragon balls came into being were more coherent and self-consistent. Plus it had that dancing slave girl in it...XD

-Relax Gohan. There's still the Namekian dragonballs, the Super Dragonballs even before we touch upon Dende recreating Earth's dragonballs. Further Shenron doesn't "exist" in the sense this Erasa would think of him. He isn't a protective guardian or even likely meaningfully aware of Orange City. Were it to be asked he'd just as gladly incinerate it and every inhabitant as save it. So protective "God" Shenron is as "real" now as he was when "magic-genie" Shenron was still alive.

-Seriously, is this Erasa related to Lois Lane or something? They seem to share a plot-convenient endangering of themselves. Sigh...odds this Erasa gets run over and we end this story in only one chapter? Please? Fine. Save the manic pixie dream girl.

-Personally I'd think a child, who's grasp of the universe is still developing, would be more thrilled and excited that a cute boy saved her rather than questioning the mechanics of what he did. But that would be a human response and manic pixie dream girls aren't human. They're basically female Kenny's. And if you've ever watched a Gamera movie you get that reference.

-Actually, according to official numbers, Hercule Satan is on par with Master Roshi in terms of power level. Not saying that makes any sense what so ever but since you made a direction comparison between him and Hercule I couldn't resist. Probably the most fun I've had in this story so far.

-Ok, again girl called Erasa in this story. Personal space! Do they have this concept where you are from? Because I'd expect this behavior from Goku who is a brain-damaged hillbilly. Not a girl raised in the city with a functional brain.

-Okay how much money does Erasa have? I mean she's a child right? About ten years old? Videl I could maybe buy. Hercule Satan, due to very lucrative branding of his name and image, is certainly well off by this point. I could buy him as the doting but somewhat distant father who tries to buy his daughter's love. But Erasa? I find it a little hard to believe she can afford to pay for Gohan and still have any meaningful money left over to blow at a festival.

-Also, wasn't she supposed to meet Videl at Burgerworld? That was a thing, right? Kind of makes the girl called Erasa in this story come across as a creepy jerk since apparently she up and decided to ditch her best friend just because she say a cute boy. Its not like she couldn't have waited for Videl and the three of them could have explored the city. Admittedly I'd have preferred that since Gohan-Videl-Erasa is my one true threesome for the characters.

-Uh...considering Gohan's going to fight in the Cell games wouldn't that be a little more pressing to him? Not to mention he's already expressed confusion on Hercule Satan competing. You'd think having his picture and likeness everywhere would just compound the issue. Especially since, as a Saiyan, he shouldn't be experiencing any attraction to the girl called Erasa in this story. Saiyans are drawn to "strong women". And this girl hasn't demonstrated anything of that nature. Instead he should respond to her as he would to Krillin or Oolong.

-Now Videl I could see him developing an attraction towards. She's being aggressive, demanding. Which is basically Saiyan foreplay.

-Videl has a point. Erasa, her friend, wandered off in a polluted, crime ridden city. That's a perfectly good reason to be worried for her. And then she apparently spent her entire time looking for Erasa despite Erasa not even remembering she was supposed to meet her friend. Not hard to see who's the good friend here and it isn't the blonde pixie.

-Okay, again. If ChiChi had those fears, which are actually fairly prudent that most normal mothers would have, why did she agree to let him come here in the first place?

-Over all, not the most impressive first chapter. Writing itself I found to be basic and rather limited. It felt more like I was being told what was happening then being shown. Everything kind of had this generic, vague quality. Story itself seemed cliched and heavily reliant on things happening in a specific way for no apparent reason that I can see. Sigh...only Eight-four more chapters to go?
1/17/2019 c85 8Super Shadow 2018
Great chapter dude. Glad to see you gave Chi Chi a chance to be a mother despite not liking her too much. As a sugestion you could use GT plot in having 7 Shadow Dragons fight against the Z fighters in different planets with the help of the Supreme Kai who would teleport them to each locațion that a Z fighter waits for.
May the force be with you
1/16/2019 c85 Jack906
I see Beerus has left his mark,
1/16/2019 c85 3RHatch89
Awesome update :)
1/16/2019 c85 RKF22
excellent work
1/16/2019 c85 Liltye504
Will Gohan and Erasa have a boy if decide to have another child
1/16/2019 c85 X3runner
So gohan and erasa had another daughter? When did that come about ? And are we going to see gohan black ?
1/8/2019 c84 2maximusrexmundi
Ooooooooh shit! Now this is getting interesting. Gotta say, though, opting for Cell over Freiza makes a load more sense... The "frieza trained for a bit then became a god" plot just pissed me off tbh. At least Cell has the known ability to adapt to what almost killed him and the sayian genetics that would allow for ascendancy into godly ki. Honestly can't be more excited for where you take this
1/7/2019 c1 jerco2020
broken comments on the app version of ff sorry this is a test
1/7/2019 c84 Jack906
So were getting Cell, nice
1/5/2019 c53 KuCu
Just use the Namekian Dragon Balls ffs.
1/3/2019 c84 5Exiled Soul Nomad
Well damn...
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