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for Big Macintosh's Journal Entries

2/16/2015 c3 1RosaSilvermist
This is really good, please write more!
9/6/2014 c2 3PegasisNemasis36
Greetings. I am Vultarian01.

Miss bear. Check your email. I can't seem to be able to pm you.
7/14/2014 c1 Vultarian01
Greetings. I am Vultarian01. How rude of me to allow you to review me without returning the favor.

We have already discussed this, but I quite like this concept of you portraying Big MvIntosh. Quite enjoyable.

There are problems, however I know why.

Anyway, I look forward to your future work, Miss Bear.

From the vulture who will try and converse with you later,
6/12/2014 c3 8PatchTheProdigy
Interesting job so far in the story. It wasn't anything like I expected, you know. You're right that the quiet ones can be quite the thinkers, to be sure. And it's an interesting contrast that Big Macintosh has with Rainbow Dash, though I could say that about pretty much the entire mane six. And I must also commend you for writing an oddball pairing; good show!

That said, I have a few words of advice. Firstly, you have some walls of text in his journal. On , these are REALLY hard to read, so try breaking them down into paragraphs. Secondly, your summary is misleading. You had me thinking that Rarity and Applejack were going to be snickering to themselves as they read it, or at least reacting between the lines. Upon rereading, it sounds like a sequel, but it's never a good idea to advertise a sequel when you're still writing the original.

Perhaps add an author's note at the end of each chapter once you're done. Some people will not want to read the whole story before reading the one with the silly reacting ponies.

Additionally, I wouldn't add in 'ah' in place of 'I' when Big Mac is writing. Dialogue like that is fine, but in his journal, just having the -ing verbage shortened to -in' is enough.

In the first chapter, there was no need to keep the fact that it was Rainbow Dash secret. We knew from your character tags (which should be kept). I'm just saying.

I do know you care about this story. The fact that you made your own cover-art tells me that; adding art of some sort is ALWAYS a good choice, especially when it comes to Fimfiction, the site next door. The extra effort normally shows that you care, and if you care, you can improve.

Overall, an okay story, though not without beginner's mistakes. I shall keep an eye on it.
6/8/2014 c1 12ChocolateBar2013
Can I see the page, if it's not too much trouble? P.S. loved the story.

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