for A stripe, For a life5/1/2019 c1 Guest
Please continue.
Please continue.
6/27/2017 c1 
49Shiranai Atsune
Pack? Hunt? Moon? What are they, werewolves? Feline eyes? What's with the feline eyes?
Interesting! I love it! Please update soon!
49Shiranai AtsunePack? Hunt? Moon? What are they, werewolves? Feline eyes? What's with the feline eyes?
Interesting! I love it! Please update soon!
6/12/2014 c1 Guest
Um. English isn't your native tongue I take it. There are some grammatical errors. Semi-colons aren't used as often, and you have quite a bit of them. You have some fragments. Felling [Feeling] discomfort. is an example. Also, in English, we use "Text" for dialogue whereas you used - text - That will get very confusing for many. I see a lot of dangling modifiers, and it's best to avoid using those too often. Even for writers of English, it's a bad habit. Commas have been used incorrectly as well. Commas separate parts of a sentence, and periods end the sentence. Don't worry too much though. Many writers also get it wrong. I see misuse of it in many video games. I suggest getting a beta to help you out here. I commend any who are attempting to utilize another language to communicate. However, it has to be done properly. It benefits you, to learn more, and it allows understanding for your reader. The flow is a little off, but a beta can help you with that and also to flesh it out more.
Um. English isn't your native tongue I take it. There are some grammatical errors. Semi-colons aren't used as often, and you have quite a bit of them. You have some fragments. Felling [Feeling] discomfort. is an example. Also, in English, we use "Text" for dialogue whereas you used - text - That will get very confusing for many. I see a lot of dangling modifiers, and it's best to avoid using those too often. Even for writers of English, it's a bad habit. Commas have been used incorrectly as well. Commas separate parts of a sentence, and periods end the sentence. Don't worry too much though. Many writers also get it wrong. I see misuse of it in many video games. I suggest getting a beta to help you out here. I commend any who are attempting to utilize another language to communicate. However, it has to be done properly. It benefits you, to learn more, and it allows understanding for your reader. The flow is a little off, but a beta can help you with that and also to flesh it out more.
6/12/2014 c1 Guest
Your writing is a mess yet you continue...and for what?! Your summary of the story hardly makes sense. Your grammar and punctuation is so bad I can hardly look at it.
Your writing is a mess yet you continue...and for what?! Your summary of the story hardly makes sense. Your grammar and punctuation is so bad I can hardly look at it.
6/12/2014 c1 Guest
LEARN THE CORRECT WAY TO WRITE.
-This is not the correct way to write speech marks.-
"This is."
Get someone else to beta your story because its messy and confusing as hell. If you don't even know how to use speech marks then you shouldn't be writing at all.
LEARN THE CORRECT WAY TO WRITE.
-This is not the correct way to write speech marks.-
"This is."
Get someone else to beta your story because its messy and confusing as hell. If you don't even know how to use speech marks then you shouldn't be writing at all.