Just In
for Peace and Cake are lies!

7/11/2014 c2 Guest Guest
Do you know what it needs?

Another chapter
7/4/2014 c2 A Wars Rambler
So having read through both chapters of this enterprise (though as we all know this is non-profit-making story) I present my analysis of the (1) Content, (2) Story, (3) Atmosphere, and last, but certainly not least, (4) Characters.

(Number One) Content.
At only two chapters, I don't have much to go by, but the consistent word count is good. The size of the paragraphs are good. Though you might want to run through the spelling and grammar check just to be safe. (I noted some flaws here and there)

Story. Now story to me is a great part of books and television shows. What makes a good story, though is moderation. Knowing that you can't just go hogwild with violence, comedy, or drama. Too much of one of these elements could drastically change a series. You show a balance between many elements. Not always high speed action, not always cheesy jokes, not always drama. And the good news is that there is a story. Not just lightsabers and explosions.

(Point III)
Atmosphere. This means the setting,the backdrops. Now at the start it is a little weak, though that could be a comment on his own health and as he gets stronger the atmosphere changes. Take, for instance, his transition from before the holding cell and after, leading up to his trial. The once bright atmosphere drastically plummets to a funeral style scene.

(Part the fourth)
My personal favourite part of a story, Characters! I firmly believe characters can make or break a series. You can get everything else right, and crash and burn from characters being weak in personality. That being said, these characters aren't weak they are all different yet they get along just fine. Staring with the main character: Elias has an air to him. a very distinct charater. one driven by honour. He does have a point, though, this mission does seem to be a set up. Yet he agrees to go anyways. he is very much a Samurai-like character. A unique blend of a serious side yet a relaxed personality, not worrying over the future. He shows a sense of honour that even the dark side could not change.
Raru shows a level of maturity not really found in Elias. Here at her mercy is a young man who claims to be one of the most destructive enemies of the Jedi, (but has done nothing but help the Jedi) yet she does not take justice into her own hands and sends him to a trial instead; which in the end saved him a second time.
Since tha Mando'a and the pilot just showed up, I have not seen enpugh of their characters to say much on them. But I will still say a few things.
Marec seems to be a bit of a Dante look alike (you have not shown us what he looks like with out his armour). A bit of a Smart-aleck, but I look forward to further developments.
Fyra seems humble in a way not seen from any of the other characters. Where as Elias is proud of his power, Raru her order, And Marec? Well most mando'a are very prideful. She openly admits she is not the best person for the job. But I have rambled here long enough! For now, that is.

All in all, I'd say given time, (a few more updates, a few proper spell checks, maybe a few more characters and a bigger vessel) this adventure will be a good one. 7/10!
7/3/2014 c2 Guest
Update soon!
6/20/2014 c1 Guest
Update soon this is getting good!

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service